Young Writers Society

Hi MyKingdomOfRuins,

Mailice here with a short review!

I suppose this is more a brief portrayal of the characters and how they differ character-wise, so I'm trying to focus more on that here.

Let's start with the first section. From a literary writing point of view, I like the first person narrator's perspective and how it already gives you as a reader some insights about the woman. I like the description that you switched from the outside to the inside, and one could first get a picture of her before we could learn her character. From my impression, she is very neurotic, naïve perhaps, and assumes that she is doing many things wrong. She comes across with little self-confidence and the need for security is a high priority for her. I like this transition where she talks about how she really loves him and yet doubts herself again. But it also shows that she is very dependent on other characters in terms of character, i.e. she also assumes a lot about what others say and that's how she behaves.

In general, I like "Her". It seems a bit clichéd, but it's very good for a description and an introduction.

In "him" I see a very big contrast, where I have to say that on the one hand it is fitting for the character as we have seen him so far, but it also shows a more "dark" side of him. I like that you again stuck to the first person narrative here and that it was also possible to tell that it was a different character. You use completely different sentence structures here and go about it in an extroverted manner here, whereas with her it was more that you saw the introverted. As she described being cold like her skin, "him" seems a bit warmer, more outgoing and also very stable of character. I like that we also got to see more of his personality and family.
Now we come to the more dark side I mentioned, he could also love the woman because she is just so reserved and he has to complement his dominating streak by bossing her around or even abusing her in a sense of not seeing her on the same level as he sees himself.
In general, though, I can say that I liked this one a lot. You have two very different characters and I'm curious to see how you're going to reflect that in gestures, dialogue and thoughts.

Have fun writing!

Mailice

Hello, I just finished reading this and I can already say that it was amazing! So I'll give a quick review

"
Staring at the mirror, I saw a girl whom I could hardly recognize. My snowflake skin seemed to now accurately match my personality, devoid of any warmth. My strawberry blonde hair was in a messy bun, and I was wearing a floral dress that honestly only served the purpose of making me look more like a ghost. I’d imagined so many ways that this night could play out. I loved him, I truly did. But nobody could help the pain I was going through. My mind was screaming, and I couldn’t silence it. My head throbbed and one single tear slid down the side of my pale cheek. I had a lump in my throat, but I held back from releasing all my unshed tears. I wanted to stay strong, but it felt like I was trapped in a dark, enclosed room, with nobody even glancing my way. I needed to do this. It was impossible for me to play my part, be fair, and fully commit to this relationship. Ending things would give me one less thing to stress out about. My racing thoughts and hot, sweaty palms were not making my current situation feel any easier. But it wasn’t just his heart that I was going to break tonight, it was mine as well. I hope he would understand that. Taking one last glance at my ashen reflection, I entered the darkness of the night."

After reading this part, I would assume that she was getting married, it caught my attention that the tone sounded a bit sad.

"When I told my family I planned to propose, they took it much better than I expected. Minutes before I was to leave and meet her, they were already celebrating. My dad brought out his most expensive Dom Pérignon wine for the first time in over a decade. Butterflies swarmed my stomach, and my sister constantly ranting was making me feel more anxious. As I had stepped out of my room, she was immediately complaining that I was ‘underdressed for such an occasion.’ I honestly didn’t see what was wrong with my semi-formal, partially casual attire. In the corner of our ancient home, my extroverted mother was already planning my wedding with some of my many aunts. I wanted to ask them why they were planning a wedding without even knowing if she would agree, but I had hardly any reason to doubt what would play out tonight. We have been together for so long. We fell in love during high school, a time that held so many nostalgic memories. Like how she used to compare us with fictional characters. In her eyes, we were Jane and Mr. Rochester for one moment, another love story next. That was one of the first things that made me fall in love with her. Back when she had not seemed broken from trying to carry the weight of the world. I glanced at my reflection and double-checked that the sparkling engagement was still in its case. Pacing back and forth in our hallway, I had tried to spare every last minute before I had to leave for our dinner. I avoided my parents as I headed to the door. I heard the clock strike the next hour as I stepped out of our home."

The male character seems more happy about the proposal and marriage than the female character. After reading the point of views, I was kind of sad that the female may reject the male but nonetheless, I;m pretty excited to see how this story turns out! Thanks for making this wonderful chapter and I hope to see more chapters from you!

Have a good day/night!

hi, i like this! honestly, this is a unique way of telling their story.
when you wrote “I glanced at my reflection and double-checked that the sparkling engagement was still in its case.” i believe you forgot to add “ring” to the sentence. and maybe change “its” to an “it’s.”
it’s a beautiful love story, and i hope to see it continued.
that’s basically it, I LOVE THIS!
SERIOUSLY, I LOVE IT!