Her
The art teacher,
She has great potential, great soul....
The ex-best friend,
I cant believe she called the cops,
Honestly what is wrong with her....
The parents,
Whats wrong with her?
she just doesn't care about anything....
Heather,
She doesn't do anything, has no goals,
just mopes around negative all the time....
IT,
Shes needy,
Jealous,
Nothing,
She writes lies on the bathroom stall,
her.
No-one knows what happened that night,
I left the secret buried in the ground,
In the ground where he.... did... it,
I buried it with the girl he ruined,
I cant wait till i can get away,
Away from the names,
The lies,
The stories,
The theories
The....the...the....the
I wish it would all just stop,
I'm surprised,
Surprised i haven't committed suicide,
It would be the easy way out, for sure,
But the thought never occurred to me i guess,
Perhaps i think that things will get better......
Or maybe ill always be her.
Her,
Who has with great potential and soul,
But doesn't show it.
Her,
who called the cops for no reason,
And busted everyone that night.
Her,
Who just doesn't care about anything
Unlike before.
Her,
Who doesn't do anything, with no goals,
Who just mopes around negative all the time.
Her,
Whose needy, jealous, nothing,
Who writes lies on the bathroom stall.
Her,
Who no one understands.
Her, her, her....
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
125,018 Literary Works • 672,861 Reviews
I just loved your poem but I've not read that book. I've noticed a few mistakes but they are listed in the other reviews and I don't see any thing in repeating those reviews so Just saying that I loved it. It created a pretty dark image . Sorrow was filled in the air when I was reading it.
When I'm reading this I feel like there's a slow and creepy piano background music.
Wow thank you very much, i was hoping for the paino music effect so thats a success!
Hi! Hermione here for a review! I have read the book that this poem is talking about by Laurie Halse Anderson, and I agree with you, it's amazing. This poem effectively wraps up the plot except for it leaving out the conclusion where she finally comes to terms with what has happened to her and tells other people about it. Here are a few little mistakes I noticed.
'Whose' should be changed to Who's or 'Who is' because whose is a possessive word, and you are not trying to say that she owns needy, jealous, and nothing, you're trying to describe her.
Till should be changed to 'till, and in my opinion you should capitalize the I's here and throughout your poem. It looks a little odd because you capitalize the beginning of every line, but you didn't capitalize the I's making them stick out like a sore thumb (at least to me). As the author though, capitalization is completely up to you.
The word 'with' in the first line here is unnecessary.
This line should be fixed to say: "Or maybe I'll always be her." or "Or maybe I will always be her." Also, I think it would help stylistically if you were to capitalize some of your her's, but that's just an idea.
Anyways, wonderful job on this! Keep writing!
Hi!
Instead of Shes needy about a third of they way down it's she's needy.
Capitalize your I's in some places
Instead of Whose needy, jealous, nothing, write Who's needy or who is needy.
Overall, this would probably make more sense to me if I'd read Speak, but unfortunately I haven't (yet!)
Just so you know how it comes across to someone who hasn't read the book before so doesn't know the background I'll tell you what could use clearing up. It took me a few reach thoughts to realize that when you wrote "The art teacher," or "The parents" you were talking about people who were describing her. I thought they were descriptions of her so I thought she was an art teacher who was someones ex best friend and was named heather. This could be cleared up with formatting. You could not type in italics when other characters are talking about her. You could put a colon after the person speaking is announced or put what they say in quotations.
Once I read through it and understood it, I loved it! It was unique how you were able to put what people were saying about her in the poem. You really captured the speakers feelings in how she separated herself from her past self. I got a good understanding for the speaker. I'll have to read Speak! Great poem!
-RedVines