Hey there My Dead Flowers! Welcome to YWS! If you have any questions about the site, please feel free to reach out to me or anyone else you meet! We'd be happy to show you around
So my first impressions were that this was very short, which isn't necessarily a bad thing (in fact, it's good to be brief and concise!), but it means that you have to pack a lot of punch with what you're saying. In other words, you have to make sure that what you're saying is poignant, original, and will impact and stick with the reader.
My favorite part of this poem is the way in which you use a lot of imagery and strong description without being overly verbose. You strike an impressive balance between the two, and that gives your poem a strong foundation to begin to build upon.
My biggest critique of this is the lack of flow and structure in terms of grammar. Quite frankly, it doesn't make a lot of sense, and it's hard to understand exactly what you're saying. It feels disorganized and jumbled, and it's hard to decipher a meaning or interpret it. Other reviewers have pointed out ways to organize it, but you absolutely need to separate stanzas and lines for the sake of clarity. Your ending is also a strong line, but doesn't tie the poem together and leave the reader with an echo, a final ringing thought. Overall, this is a fairly strong start and has potential, but there are a few changes that need to be made in order to shape it up.
I hope this review was helpful and encouraging to you, and if you have any questions or concerns, please reach out! I always like to save the best advice I can give for last, and that's this: keep writing!
All my best,
Tuck
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