Published November 18, 2011
I remember when you said it
Those three simple words
I became that happiest person alive
I didn't just have butterflies, i had birds
But now, that is all gone
And now its is now a lie
And i think its almost time
To say our sad good-byes
Yes, it kills me
Deep down inside
When i think
Of how you lied
But i know
Ill be alright
Because i will be strong
And I'll lock my heart up tight
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140,255 Literary Works • 673,077 Reviews
Hi there, MusicLover797!
Same thing about the end. I wouldn't change the last stanza, though, just add something that ends it more neatly. Packed with a golden ribbon, like your amazing writing should be. ^_^
This is lovely, very sweet and I love that. You have talent, no doubt. I truly love the fact that you didn't say, "I remember when you said you love me", lol. You managed to be more creative and that's what makes a poem a good poem, to my understanding.
Talking about grammar, you forgot to insert all the apostrophes, and also, remember that all I's should be uppercase when you use them as pronouns. No biggie, you just re-read and edit.
Another thing that would make this poem even better would be... just an suggestion, make it sound way more dramatic. You kind of left us hanging in some lines. Like for example in your first stanza: "I didn't just have butterflies, I had birds" The idea was fantastic, but you could've express it in a catchier way.
Keep it up.
~Solly<3
Hi there,musiclover.Actually this is a kind of romantic poem plus with sad emotion,I guess n_n.This poem is simple and easy to understand.Your poem is great..But I wish you can put some poetic verse there.Never mind ,it still a cute poem by the way!Everyone who had a broken heart will write the same things like you did on there poem(obsolutely yes).
*But i know
Ill be alright
Because i will be strong
And I'll lock my heart up tight
*Just like this stanza.
Good job from you,
keep writing!n_n
Ok, nice poem, easy to understand. You might wanna use more poetic devices like metaphors or similies, imagery. The idea was there though, and as you write more and more I think you'll get the hang of it.
A bit of mistake here, might wanna change it. (In case you still haven't noticed, it's the double mentioning of "now")
I love the ending. The last line was perfect for a closing. Very nice.
Good job! Keep writing!