Fall is color.
Fall is beauty.
Fall is trees.
Fall is leaves
Slowly falling...
Falling....
Falling...
Fall is apples.
Fall is school.
Fall is a time of thanks.
Fall is a time of fear.
Fall is an early frost.
Fall is that brief moment
Where summer and winter are almost the same.
Fall is pumpkins.
Fall is football.
Fall is sleep.
Fall is a season of celebration.
Fall is a season of peace.
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Canary word: Present
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125,011 Literary Works • 672,841 Reviews
Hello Mudkippi!
Love this poem so much! It got me in the fall spirit!
My favorite part of the poem is when you say
[/quote]Slowly falling...
Falling....
Falling...[/quote]
You did a great showing the leaves fall visually and literally. I can picture the leaves falling from the tree.
[/quote] Fall is a season of peace.[/quote] Instead of ending this line I would say Fall is my favorite season because what you listed above in the poem is your favorite things in the poem . So if you would say "Fall is my favorite season." This would give a good ending.
[/quote]Fall is that brief moment[/quote] What does this quote mean? I think you need to describe briefly what you mean by this.
Great job and I loved reading this poem! Happy writing
Try removing the first slash(/) in the [/quote][/quote]!
I'm just happy seeing someone new reviewing poetry!
Best of luck!
~Nicol
Hi, I'm new here and I just happened to come across this poem.
This is not meant to offend you but I feel like the poem requires more emotion, you need to put yourself into the poem, so people could see it with a personality.
Listing things can be a trap, but I'm sure you can do better
Overall this is a good try and I really like the last bit:
"Fall is a season of peace"
Hey! Welcome to the site! Cello here for quick review.
Okay- I see what you were doing with the repetition but I feel like it loses the 'emotion' in the poem. It was a great poem but if was overtaken by the words 'fall is'.
I'm not saying go and change it all, I would just recommend not using 'fall is' so often.
Change this to
Fall is apples,
school,
a time of thanks.
Fall is a time of fear,
an early frost,
that brief moment
Where summer and winter are almost the same.
Fall is pumpkins,
football,
sleep.
Fall is a season of celebration.
Fall is a season of peace.
See? It betters the flow a bit.
Now if you take my suggestion and do this, I would also recommend adding more description and rearrange the lines. Ex: Put the lines about trees, leaves, and pumpkins together because they're all about nature. Things like that, just so it sounds good together. For more description, just add a few adjectives, 'Fall is shiny apples'. Still, keep the simplicity, don't 'over describe' like 'Fall is crunchy red shiny apples.' Well, I guess you could do that, but you'd have to be consistent and edit every line. Your call.
Keep up the good work!
-ChocolateCello
Hey Mudkkippi (I love Mudkips so much) and welcome to YWS! Here's a review to help you out a bit here. If there's anything you don't understand, just reply to the comment. Congratulations on your first poem, as well!
This poem isn't bad, it just needs some issues fixed and some lines deleted/rewritten. The first thing I noticed was the format here, you need to separate this poem into stanzas to create a sense of organization; plus, it just looks better.
This is another thing I noticed here, you keep using "is" for something plural. I do realize you can't say "Fall are trees" so, to be safe, stick to using singular nouns instead of using "is" for plural things, you just can't do that. Try: "Fall is a tree" and "Fall is a leaf."
This isn't something you have to do, but it's something you should consider. After using your metaphor, explain /why/ "fall is a tree" or "fall is an apple." I believe that would make the poem flow nicely.
These lines belong at the end, that's a great closing and I felt that it was in the wrong place.
Although this isn't the type of poem I'd prefer with the constant repetition of a metaphor, it's not bad. Good luck and I'm sure you can progress from here.
Just don't use "is" for plural words.
Hi,
Happy autumn!
This is a good and enjoyable poem.
**REVIEW STARTS HERE!**
I don't know what to write here... This is just good. Mainly because the tone you used. I love them. Slow...and nice. Do you noticed how you did that? Well, I think it's because of the small dot in most lines. They make the readers to pause and then, continue. However, aren't this wasting the readers' time? Think of a way to deliver this poem to its maximum like using some semicolons to replace some dots. Either way, yours is already fine.
The italicized words make this look lovely and the format is quiet easy to read. But do the italicized things help? This is just a thought, though, but can you use normal format? I know you're trying to make this thing falling by using that kind of format, but this thing makes this thing not vivid enough and makes me sleepy. Take it easy and try to ignore this if you want.
The things you could use to improve your poem are a little, yes, only little descriptions. I know when we don't put any description on the words, it would become boundless. And boundless is wrong when it comes down to poetry. Boundless words are okay, but boundless images are totally wrong. Try to make the descriptions describe the things you mentioned in the poem looks like it's a month of autumn. What makes autumn different from other seasons? It is a job of a poet to think.
**IN A NUTSHELL**
Lastly, you choices of words are interesting and great. Do you mind to look up for the words so the diction is accurate? I love most of the things written here. I just want to ask a quick question, I couldn't grab the real meaning of this, but I think I understand some of it and it's not enough. Care to explain...
Hope to read more poems from you. Keep writing and again, happy autumn!
~Nicol
P/s: FOOTBALL