Stuck In A Tree House

I'm not totally accepting of the gay part, but I'm not bashing. Reason I'm not bashing is because your story actually made me feel happy inside. It's not very often that I read a story like this and actually go, "Huh, I actually really enjoyed that." In my opinion, it was beautiful. There were some punctuation problems, but the plot of the story is perfectly executed. However, with the way you ended it, I seem to get a small feeling of want. Like more should be expected. A want to know about their future together. The picture that is being painted in this story is a beautiful one, and I'd love to see how it truly ends. Your story has definitely got you a new fan, and I'll be looking forward to any other stories you publish, whether they're a follow up or something brand new. Thanks, and have a nice day!

King here

To be honest, I love stories like this; short and sweet. The only problem in this was the grammar and punctuation. Also a bit the repetitive stuff like 'I' and 'him'. You could change it a bit, you know? In general, I have nothing else to complain about if we are talking about the story as whole. But for the small things, I have a lot to say. It is long so I had taken the mistaken parts (actually most of the story) and edited them down below. If you do not agree with some of them, I will understand but I have made sure I correct them right for you. It was a long story but I tried to check twice each edit I made and be sure of it. Hope this helps. For the story, I really love it. Well, I just love stuff that are out of the basics like the girlxboy stuff. The story is not new or very unique but it is adorable and it has its own good features. My only thing that may counted as complain about the story that it turned from sad to happy just too soon, I kind of wanted to see what will happen after that but I will let my imagination think of it. The biggest problem in the editting was the too big use of 'I' or anything in first person, together with the wrong tenses.




I sat in the little tree house my father had built years ago, it was nothing but rotting wood now. My pants and shirt were soaked with tears. I’ve never felt this much sadness before and it hurted in so many ways. My father did not approve of me any more, I have truly been a disappointment. I was confused and lost, I wanted Timothy to be here with me. He was all I could think of at this point. My affection towards him was strong and that's what confused me, was it wrong to like a boy? I started to cry again, filling the tree house with soft sobbing. There was a thumping outside, but I just sat there and listened. I waited for something, but got nothing so I went back to my sobbing. I felt so pathetic sitting by myself. Then I heard someone enter but I didn't move. I felt a poke at my shoulder. I looked up to see Timothy and the sadness I felt almost entirely went away as I pulled him into a hug.

"Joseph, what's the matter, have you been crying?" he asked with/, his face full of concern.

----


"I told my father something that he didn't like, he said I am a disgrace to our family name and that it is me who will ruin his reputation," I cried.

"What did you tell him?" he asked.

"I can't tell you, my father doesn't want me to talk about it."

Timothy leaned in on me, our faces nearly touching which made me I blushed a little.

"Your father is not here right now so please tell me." he begged.

"I-I can't, he will be upset." I sighed.

The tree house was filled with silence for what seemed like forever. I stared at him, his eyes scanned the tree house then went back to me. I blushed again and turned away from him. I wanted to be in his arms, but what if my father saw? Then it would be the end of me I suddenly found myself crying again, it hurted knowing that I couldn't have him. I buried my face in my knees, feeling a gentle touch on my hand. I lifted my head to see Timothy giving me a warm smile.

"You know if you tell me, you will feel better."

"I can't, I’m afraid." I said softly.

Timothy scooted closer to me, pulling me into a hug, I lost it at that moment, I wishwishing I could just look him in the eyes and say "I like you,” but I'm scared of rejection. I wrapped my arms around his neck and we sat there for a few moments until he let me go.

"Do you want to talk about it now?" he whispered. I nodded.

I took in a deep breath and tried my best to hold back my tears, Timothy smiled warmly at me, I did not want to lose him. I closed my eyes for a split second and then opened them, I turned to him and opened my mouth to speak but nothing came out.

"Is it wrong to like-” I paused for a second and then whispered. "A boy?"

He stared at me in confusion then quickly smiled again. "Of course not, there's nothing wrong with that. Why are you asking?” I gulped at his words, how was I going to respond to him? Why is this so hard? Guess this is what coming out of the closet feels like.

"N-no reason.” TimothyI laughed.

"Don't lie to me, Joseph," he said as he stood up and headed towards the window, he pulled it up and rested his body on the paling.

“Have you ever liked a boy?" I bravely asked.

“Yes, I have liked a boy."

I was relieved to hear these words. Knowing this made me feel a bit better, I stood up and walked over to him. Sitting down next to him and looking up to the sky, dark clouds began to form as I shivered and a storm started, I said to myself that I never liked storms.

--

"Timothy, what if I said there was a boy out there who liked you?" he turned to me and smiled.

"What boy?" he asked devilishly as I blushed intensely and turned away from him, he suddenly moved from his spot and was now sitting directly in front of me.

"Could you maybe describe him to me?" he stared at me long and hard his smile was now twisted into an evil smirk. My face was really red now and I couldn't even look at him anymore, I suddenly felt his hand on mine and he turned my head.

"Well?"

I swallowed the lump in my throat "Well he um...he uh..." I was a nervous wreck who was sweating buckets by now and he just kept smirking at me like this was some kind of a game to him. I pulledturned my head away from him, I know what he was doing, he was toying with me while trying to make me look stupid, typical of him.

"Well, if it's the boy I have these feelings for that you're talking about, I like him too."

My eyes widened a bit, I wasn't sure if we were both on the same page or not, did he know I was talking about myself liking him, or does he think I really mean someone else.

--

"Joseph, do you like me?" he asked as he held me closer, this was my moment now.

"Yes." I said quietly.

He smiled and lowered his head to my ear and whispered very softly "I like you too." with that he tilted my head up and kissed me softly. It was a wonderful, but yet simple kiss and at that moment I thought that this might be the start of a beautiful relationship.


Have a good day!

Hi,
I'm enchanted...

A good one. The whole story is quite perfect enough, but not quite clarified enough.

You started the story sad and ended with a resolution that seemed to be a good ending, but it's not. I like the mood in the end parts, but the problem in this story wasn't solved. Instead, it indicated that some kind of forbidden love had started. This made me thinking twice.

The first one was like
"Wow... It makes me wanted to have someone like Timothy too. He is an understanding guy. He knows how to comfort his friend which was in trouble."

The second one was quite harsh (A "sorry" has been given early here, so sorry for being harsh) like
"This is it? A start of a spin-off Romeo and Juliet kind of story? Yeah, sure I agreed on the punchline

this might be the start of a beautiful relationship.

I sat in the little tree house my father had built years ago it was nothing but rotting wood now.My pants and shirt were soaked with tears I’ve never felt this much sadness before and it hurt in so many ways. My father did not approve of me any more I have truly been a disappointment. I was confused and lost I wanted Timothy to be here with me he was all I could think of at this point. My affection towards him was strong and that's what confuses me, is it wrong to like a boy? I started to cry again filling the tree house with soft sobbing. There was a thumping outside, but I just sat there and listen. I waited for something, but got nothing I went back to my sobbing I felt so pathetic sitting by myself I heard someone enter but I didn't move. I felt a poke at my shoulder I looked up to see Timothy the sadness I felt almost entirely went away as I pulled him into a hug.

my eyes widened a bit I wasn't sure if we were both on the same page or not, did he know I was talking about myself liking him, or does he think I really mean someone else. These thoughts replayed in my head over and over like a song stuck on repeat. The tree house went silent except for the heavy rain beating down, more thunder shook the tree house.] I jumped and found myself in Timothy's arms, I quickly moved, but he pulled me back. He was so warm, like toast fresh from the toaster and I, the butter. I looked up at him and he looked down at me, time seemed to stop at this point and I never wanted this to end. His hand was placed softly on my head and I was wrapped around his waist. He did like me why else would he be holding me like this, I just wanted to hear him say it.

"N-no reason.” Timothy laughed.

I really like this story, it shows a lot if emotion and really makes you feel for the characters. I like how you added the fact that even though the parents didn't accept of him Timothy was still there for him. It was really touching.

I really like this story, it shows a lot if emotion and really makes you feel for the characters. I like how you added the fact that even though the parents didn't accept of him Timothy was still there for him. It was really touching.

Hello! Your piece was a pleasure to read. I like how you portrayed the bad side of parents not approving of their homosexual children, and I enjoyed how Timothy was there to provide support (and even returned affections) to Joseph. Very well done!

However, I've noticed that some of your sentences can be broken up into two or even multiple sentences, which is the main problem with the majority of your piece. I've also noticed that many of your sentences are missing commas. To solve that, I recommend reading your piece aloud and where you pause to take in a breath is where the comma must go, such as, "Joseph[,] what's the matter[?]" and "Yes[,] I have liked a boy."

You tend to use commas in the place of periods, which is evident in the paragraph before Joseph admits to liking Timothy.

But other than that, your story's pacing was steady and easy to follow. Keep writing!