the time that i woke from my little journey everything changed. i ran to my dad once i seen him i didnt hear him breathing moving nothing. i tried everything but i knew that he was not going to wake up, i knew that i would never get my father back. i (cleaned him out) and i made a casket that hade carvings that mean rest in peace. once i had made sure he is clean i wrap him up in my favorite blanket. once i am lowering his body into his grave i feel a few tears running down my face i wipe them away. but once i say my goodbyes i take one last look at my home jumo into my truck grab food and gas up i am on my way to the big city. once i get there i drive around seeing who else is alive. once i had seen my mother i pulled right over and ran right to her and helped her and my little cousins in the truck. i told my mother that i was the only survivour of my little siblings. i had to bury my little sisters my big brothers dad and step mother. i thought that i would be alone but i know that my mother is a fighter and always will be. so once i find most of the poeple i needed. most of my friends and family needed to learn how to drive so i taught them how. once they all got it down we kept on moving. you cant stay in one place for to long or they will catch up.
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125,018 Literary Works • 672,861 Reviews
Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),
Hi! I'm here to leave a quick review!!
Anyway let's get right to it,
Well, looks like we have ourselves some sort of apocalypse scenario going on here..judging from everything that is currently going on and well, those are always quite fun...and it looks like this one is off to a pretty sad start there too. It certainly gets your attention right away this one.
One thing I will mention before getting around to the story itself is that this could really benefit from being broken into a couple of paragraphs here. As it is at the moment, this is a little bit hard to understand here, and the pacing feels a bit broken up because the whole thing is currently just a little bit bunched up and slightly confusing to read.
Anyway, onto what happens here, it looks like a pretty tough task for our protagonist here to be doing on their own there, with the whole making caskets and burying what appears to be pretty much this person's entire family. Its almost a bit of a stretch there, you might want to be careful on that aspect. As for the rest, its a nice little point to end on, this person uniting with their mother and sort of resolving to survive...but I would like to see a lot more about how the losses that they suffered affect them, cause at the moment, losing this person's entire family barely seems to have affected them. I feel you'd need to show a bit more emotion on the part of this person to really bring across how much an event like this would affect them.
Aaaaand that's it for this one.
As always remember to take what you think was helpful and forget the rest.
Stay Safe
Harry
Hi, MrsHood97.
This is pretty nice. It's short, however, it needs a lot of help. I want to help you as a writer. So I am going to be reviewing for you today. I want to talk about grammar. I noticed you do not capitalize any sentence and you do not use apostrophes.
Why is grammar important? Because the more professional you are, the more serious they will take you and your writing. Bad grammar not only distracts the reader, but it makes them think less of your piece. And you don't want that! D: You want to be heard. And the first step is using good grammar.
All sentences should start with a capital letter, and end with a period. However, when it comes to punctuation, you've done pretty well. When there are two words that are joined together like "do not", you use an apostrophe; "don't". And when I's are used as a pronoun they should always be capitalized.
I hope my suggestions help you a lot. And I look forward to read more of your stuff.
~GeeLyria
thank you and yes it does but u know sometimes i get off of track and when i think of what to write i have to write it down right then and there lol thank you though it helps a whole lot
"the time that i woke from my little journey everything changed."
A couple things here: Firstly, the first letter of a new sentence always always ALWAYS should be capitalized. Secondly, when you use "i" as a proper noun, it is ALWAYS capitalized. Thirdly, you should try to shorten this line up whenever possible, just cut out "little" from this line. Fourthly, there should be a comma after "journey." So it should all look like:" The time that I woke up from my journey, everything changed."
"i ran to my dad once i seen him i didnt hear him breathing moving nothing"
So many grammar issues with this line. Firstly, always capitalize "i" when using it as a proper noun. Secondly, "didnt" is a contraction of: did not, so it should look like "didn't" with the apostrophe. Thirdly, the "i seen him" doesn't make any sense in this line. The tense is off and it should be "I saw him" I believe. Finally, the "hear him breathing moving nothing" is a list and should be separated with commas like so: "hear him breathing, moving, or anything."
"casket that hade carvings"
By "hade" you mean "had." YWS does have spell check, and if it's not working for you copy and paste your writing into a word document and use that spell check before posting.
Ok, so interesting ending. The biggest problems here is that you cram too many things into this little chapter. Also, this is one massive block of text. You need to break if off into different paragraphs. Thirdly, grammar... grammar grammar grammar. The grammar for this piece made it incredibly difficult to read, there were some simple mistakes like the "i" and lack of commas and capitalizing. Your writing is smooth and has great description, but all that is lost with the grammar that you use. Be sure to check and double check those things before you post. Let me know if you ever need a review. Keep up the good work!
TuckEr EllsworTh
Okay will work on it and yeah i didnt know about that corrector thingie so yes thanks a lot there buddy