My whole life I have felt alone. Like I was unwanted, not cared for, not loved by anyone. I felt lost in a horrible storm. This storm has been ravaging for years. A never ending storm of evil, lies, deceit, rudeness, everything that mankind finds to be evil. This is what made up then storm. Then for the first time in what seems like eons a break in the storm. In the broken clouds stood a man with an outreached arm, motioning me to come. I stood up and walked towards the man. I walked straight out of the storm and into the forest of happiness. It felt calm and peaceful. I looked up towards the man to see who my savior was. That face looked familiar; I have seen that man before. This man has saved me in my dreams and I felt calm with him standing beside me. Even though that was the first trial, I had a long journey ahead of me. I knew this would take a long time. Walking into all my horrible memories, and reliving them. But with that man at my side I can conquer anything. This man is my best friend; I would take a bullet for him. I truly love him. Nothing that compare to his advice, his messages about life, he is an outspoken poet. One day I will have the bad memories behind me and with the man at my side. I can do anything my heart wishes.
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140,422 Literary Works • 673,178 Reviews
Great piece of work. Really interesting to read and it really portrayed my emotions that I was feeling a that moment! Keep it up
? Disgusting beings of flesh and blood. We care nothing for the world around us. A world that was once free, and innocent, new life sprouting everywhere. If one were take a photo from a mile above the ground, he would see green, lush pastures, or a pack of zebras roaming across the dry plains of North Africa like a child running into a playground. Happiness, Beautiful , call it what you will. The world was once a shining beacon of light.
Not anymore.
The humans came, supposedly created by God himself for the 'greater good'. Well just look at us now. We have riddled the world with the chains of mankind, forced it to work for our needs, slashing and cutting life everywhere. Animals are even to the brink of extinction, terror flooding their eyes as a human corners them, blood knife in one hand.
Slowly, we are learning. Learning about our world, and how to care for it. There are those few who care, and strive to make the world a better place, to preserve it for the future generations of life. The world will never be the same, humans have destroyed with their bitterness and carelessness. No amount of technology can ever replicate the oasis that the world once was.
Maybe one day, a Divine Being might strike a blow at the mighty human race, the race who destroys and destructs.
Maybe one day...
- J
LittleFox hit the nail on the head when she said that it needed uniqueness and the vague but ever-important "more" that is so often needed in a story. Right now this story lacks a lot of depth, and because of that, doesn't have anything to make it stand out. To be honest, it's just typical, lacking something new and exciting to cling to. You've developed the beginning of some nice ideas, so just develop them further.
In any case, welcome to the site, and keep writing!
This is very well written, but it needs just a little more. Something to give it more uniqness. It needs a more personal voice and more feeling. I don't know if the narrator is you or not, but it seems whoever it is should express more of their hapiness and relief. Having been saved from such a dismal life. Put more heart into the description of this savior. But all this is just my opinion, you have all the artistic freedom to do as you like