The Lady

Wow, this is just two really big run-on sentences. This, in my opinion, should be a poem, formatted exactly how Wind wrote it below.

A woman is out there,
lying upon the creek,
who plays on the reef
when the fog flows thick and deep.

I've never seen her form or face
unless it was encapsulated within the fog,
but I know, without any doubt, that her beauty
far surpasses that of any star
that flies past the midnight moon,
that both she and I daze off within and its heavenly gloom.

I know this: much like me
when she grows near,
the midnight mist becomes brighter,
perhaps even happier,
than it was before.

I dream of the night
that I shall finally push the veil away
and embrace the lady
the lady of the creek.

Salutations. I see that you have posted this under short story, but it seems more like a poem. It rhymed a few times, and it doesn't really have a beginning and ending, or really a middle.
That said, I have a few suggestions:

Firstly, in the first line, "whom" should be "who". "Whom" is only used when it is the object of a verb or preposition; here, it is "who plays", and "who" is the subject of the verb "plays", so it should be "who plays."

Also, in the third line, you had two typos: Beautyfar and ofany.
Also, "both I and her daze off within and its heavenly gloom" doesn't really make sense. Perhaps clarify that a bit. Also, that should be "both I and she" (she is the subject of the verb, and thus should be "she" and not "her" (which is used when it is the object)).
Also, I don't really understand when it says "I know this, for much like me, when she grows near, the midnight mist becomes brighter". What, exactly, do you know? Is it that the midnight mist gets brighter? If so, "for" isn't needed before "much like me", and the comma after "I know this" should be a colon.

So, here is how it should be formatted, in my opinion.

A woman is out there,
lying upon the creek,
who plays on the reef
when the fog flows thick and deep.

I've never seen her form or face
unless it was encapsulated within the fog,
but I know, without any doubt, that her beauty
far surpasses that of any star
that flies past the midnight moon,
that both she and I daze off within and its heavenly gloom.

I know this: much like me
when she grows near,
the midnight mist becomes brighter,
perhaps even happier,
than it was before.

I dream of the night
that I shall finally push the veil away
and embrace the lady
the lady of the creek.

...but those are just my thoughts. Anyway, the idea's interesting, but I think you should elaborate on it. Good job, and good luck with any future writing!

Hey there! Well, first off, this should probably (technically) be under "Poetry" as opposed to being in the short story section, and I think I would've preferred that it was in a poem format simply because it rhymes.

Anyway, onto your actual poem. I'm really not partial to people using Olde English words like "tis" in modern poetry; it worked then because that was their actual diction, but when it's used now it almost seems cliche - or, in the very least, unnecessary. It's a small detail, but for me personally, it can make or break a poem.

The story and concept are pretty interesting, and the wording and rhythm are consistent. I think you overuse "fog" a bit, though...perhaps use mist or something similar here and there? If you use a word too frequently in a poem, it tends to lose its impact, so keep that in mind. But anyway, concept! I mean, it's a love poem, but I feel as though you could interpret as the woman merely being the IDEA of love, that the fog is his vague notion of beauty and love, and that "the lady" is a personification of his growing desire and need for love. I'm not a huge fan of love poems due to their ability to be cliche, but this wasn't bad.

Overall, I think this is a pretty decent poem. It isn't anything new, but it's pleasant and it rolls pretty well off the tongue.

Keep writing, and best wishes. xxx