Child's Play

Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),

Hi! I'm here to leave a quick review!!

Anyway let's get right to it,

Alone. It was a word that was slowly beginning to feel like a straightforward definition of his life; as if it was consuming his identity, bit by bit, like a parasite on the back of an animal. And yet somehow, he didn’t notice. It wasn’t because he couldn’t understand what was happening. He just didn’t want to. He couldn’t bear to think that his life may well be meaningless and isolated from others. Nor could he bear that thought to be engraved into his mind, bubbling to the surface of his conscience at every spare moment.

For he was the sort of person that would sit silently, in a class, unnoticed throughout the whole lesson. The sort of person that was excluded from party invitations. The sort of person whose ‘friends’ remained distant. That ‘sort of person’, was Riley Fletcher: a short, thin, 13 year old boy with no redeeming features, just a messy mop of dark brown hair, that hung over his matching pair of bright brown eyes.

Ok Swottie and Digital, I am here!

Alone. It was a word that was slowly beginning to feel like a straightforward definition of his life;

as if it was consuming his identity, bit by bit, like a parasite on the back of an animal.

And yet somehow, he didn’t notice. It wasn’t because he couldn’t understand what was happening. He just didn’t want to. He couldn’t bear to think that his life may well be meaningless and isolated from others. Nor could he bear that thought to be engraved into his mind, bubbling to the surface of his conscience at every spare moment.

For he was the sort of person that would sit silently, in a class, unnoticed throughout the whole lesson. The sort of person that was excluded from party invitations. The sort of person whose ‘friends’ remained distant. That ‘sort of person’, was Riley Fletcher

only because I care

As said above, I'm the co-writer for this book! We're stuck on how to write the next part. Basically, we want Riley to be introduced, sitting in the playground but we have no idea how to do this. Should we put *** and just start writing the scene or somehow carry on draw the scene on from these two paragraphs? Any answers would be appreciated!

Thanks in advance.

Thanks Reason Invalid for Critiquing.. my work, and giving an opinion, i really appreciate that xD

Oh and by the way, Its short because its only the first 2 paragraphs of chapter 1.. so yeah, thats it really, thanks a bunch for reviewing.

It was short! Way too short! But anyways:

It was a word that was slowly beginning to feel like a straightforward definition of his life; as if it was consuming his identity, bit by bit, like a parasite on the back of an animal.

[s]And[/s] Yet, somehow, he didn’t notice.

The sort of person that was excluded from party invitations. The sort of person whose ‘friends’ remained distant.

dark brown hair, that

Yeah this grabbed my attention. I am really curious to know what it is going to be about. I felt like it was well-written and flowed nicely. The way you described his loneliness was very cool. I just hope things get better for this kid and he finds some friends. Again, I want to know what happens in this one.

Cool, a new member!

Before I review, I just wanted to mention the 2:1 ratio. For every 2 reviews, you can post 1 piece of yours. That way things work out for everyone.

Now onto your excerpt.

I like it. It doesn't really make me go crazy to read more, but I like it so far. I like how you introduced your character. And although it sems too early to judge, you seem like a fairly decent writer.

There isn't much here, so I can't crit, but I do want to read more.

Nice to meet ya! PM me when you get more up!

~I like it