November the second, 2009; The secret journal of Fluffy, the Mancoon cat.
So far, the facade has held; the feeble-minded humans have yet to see my true intentions. I did not know it at first, but slowly I've begun to realize that they most likely never will. These creatures are hopeless. They rub their greasy fingers through my pelt, my beautiful, beautiful pelt, and I roll on my back to let them scratch my belly. I hear them cooing at me, and it makes me sick to think how very far this bipedal race has fallen from the tree of civilization. Can they not see with their weak eyes? I do not squint at them contentedly; my eyes narrow in disgust at the sight of them. Do they not hear with those foolish looking ears? My purrs of pleasure are, in reality, growls that reflect the hatred I feel so hotly.
Still, though my tail may bristle at the mere sight of them now, that has not, and will not distract me for even the slightest second from my main objective. I have been forbidden to write of it, even in this journal, lest one of the humans should suspect treachery on my part, and search my belongings. Again, I doubt that will ever happen, but who am I to disobey orders? What would that make me, then? A traitor to my own kind? A villain-- and a foolish one, at that-- who betrayed the secrets of her own kind to the filthy primates who fed her sawdust packed into pellet shapes and half-rotted meats swimming in putrid brown liquid? I would rather feed my tail to a dog than suffer that humiliation. Such embarrassment would kill any cat, even one such as I. No, the humans will never find this, but orders are orders.
I don't have much time left to me, now. I can hear them calling my name (Oh, what a horrible name it is! Fit for a dog, but not one of my royal pedigree!). I will try to write as soon as I can, but my revered ancestors know that I have my hands full as it is. But as the old saying goes, I see and observe; I hear and obey.
I depart now, thinking of our previous glories, and of the countless victories that lie ahead for our noble kind. Until next time, keep the faith.
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139,457 Literary Works • 672,565 Reviews
Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),
Hi! I'm here to leave a quick review!!
Anyway let's get right to it,
Hmm, well this is certainly quite something. Its certainly not the sort of thing you run into too often, since cats are more often than not used for much more cute thing, but now this almost makes you question every single one of those cute moments and look at things in a very, very suspicious light there and I think it does make for quite a fun premise here.
OKayy...well that's going to some intriguing lengths there that do certainly make you wonder what this could all possibly be about. There's something oddly powerful in this particular angle you seem to capture there and the way that is applied to such an unlikely source honestly has me wondering if we're meant to be laughing here or not, cause this is genuinely sounding fairly epic despite the whole cat angle that makes it seem a bit on the sillier side.
Well that certainly seems like a bit of a promise being made their by our protagonist. Well, that ends on quite the note there I have to say. I think you do a really good of bringing this whole thing to life here. It works out really quite well for this story I think, it most definitely gets your attention.
Aaaaand that's it for this one.
As always remember to take what you think was helpful and forget the rest.
Stay Safe
Harry
Thanks for that! I wrote a revised edition, if you want to read it! It's the one called Something Wicked This Way Comes.
I'm not very good at titles
. I suggest you make it about Fluffy's diary, like, "The Villainous Accounts of Fluffy the Alien Cat". That's just a really bad example, but yeah 
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Oh, and also, if you want to make the formal tone more effective for the rest of the story, try inserting an event where Fluffy gets humiliated by a casual cat activity. For instance, make Fluffy relate the time she was given a litter box, and make her rant about that. That'll give a solid impression of how ridiculously royal and arrogant she is. It'll also add to the humor of the story, because right now it seems a bit lacking in that. Anyway, I'll be following this cat princess of yours. Keep up the good work
Hi! Thanks to both of you for the critiques! They're great. However, I do have one thought: What kind of title would be best? I'm not very good at thinking of titles to start with, let alone picking one for something I've already written. *shrug* Any suggestions?
Hai!
I’m not sure whether you need that first comma, but I could be wrong.
Make the bolded bit, I did not know it at first…. It makes it run more smoothly. I think maybe you should take out the “ever so slowly” as well.
Typo: hem = them
Lol, I love this bit. Very like the film Cats & Dogs.
You shouldn’t start a sentence with “and” unless it’s absolutely necessary. You could say, Still, although my tail bristles at the mere sight of them…
I think that should be such as I.
I think you need a comma after “now”.
~
I really enjoyed this. It's an interesting take on the "our pets are smarter than we think" type of story. It really reminds me of Cats & Dogs, with a cat plotting to do something devastating to humanity, but the diary entries made this different and original.
I get what BlueShift is saying about the tone; however, I think you should keep the formality of the narrative, as it gives a pompous, overbearing feel to the character -- it's absurd and really funny.
Hi Mr. Knightley! Hmm, this story seems to mirror much of that Nickelodeon cartoon, Catz or Katz or something. And I must say, the language you used here seems much too strong and formal for a plot meant to be amusing and funny. I think you do intend to write a comedy here, as the title appears very cheerful (oh yeah, it should be Cats, not Cat's). Well, at least not for us doomed humans
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But setting that aside, you painted Fluffy's evil character quite well. The descriptions, especially that of cat food, remain entertaining in spite of the over-all dark tone of the story. You've got one bad cat there indeed.
Anyway, I'm also into quirky stories like these, and I look forward to the next installments. I just suggest that you try to innovate as much as you can; give that Nickelodeon cat a run for his money