Full Moon

Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),

Hi! I'm here to leave a quick review!!

Anyway let's get right to it,

All was quiet in the village, save for the wind in the trees. Overhead, the full moon shone, bathing the town and surrounding forest in an eerie yellow light. In short, it was a perfect night.

And perfect it would have been. That all changed when scouts came back from the forest, bloodied and panting. Bombarded by questions, they made their way to the Governor’s manor. Soon after their entrance, Jack, the town crier, could be seen swaying his pumpkin lantern, shouting, “By Governor’s Order, all doors are to be locked. Windows will be shuttered and barred. Children are to stay in the cellars. We are under attack.”

And so, preparations had been made. Doors shut tight and windows sealed, the townspeople huddled in basements with their children. When asked why, the parents hushed their little ones; it was all a game. If only it were so.

They waited. For what, exactly, couldn’t be certain. All that was know was the fact that something was coming, and it was dangerous.

Hours passed. With each minute gone by, the fear grew. If only they knew what was coming. Then they might seek to reassure themselves. But no word had come from the Governor: In this, they were alone.

Tension rose. The people were near rebellion. Before much longer, the thread would snap, unleashing the hound.

Reveries were broken as the wind picked up. It threw itself against walls, seeking entry. Finding none, it screamed its frustration. Shutters rattled, threatening to be ripped from their hinges. Then just as it seemed the gale was victorious, it stopped.

Villagers looked at the ones sitting next to them: Is it over? Have we won? A howl pierced the stillness. On all sides, it was answered.

A single collective thought passed among the villagers, along with a sense of cold dread: Werewolves. We are going to die.

Hi again! To everybody who posted: thank you. It means a lot. And, for the record, I did italicize (spelled right?) the last part, but I had done it on microsoft word, and then pasted it onto the site. I didn't know about the whole [/i] thing, so I didn't check.

And yes, this is going to be a novel, but this is not the first chapter. I just wrote this quick based on the notes I have taken for my story. And since this got such good feedback, (I think) I will be taking time to write this story over again.

P.S. This village was not meant to be a wood hut, straw roof kind of town. It is a richer place, with cobbled streets, beautifully masoned stone townhouses, (for lack of a better word for connected houses ) and diamond-paned windows. There is a wall surrounding the village, also.

I must say for 14 that is a great story, you are writing more right? Great job and keep it up you'll be famous some day I'm sure.

Hi!! I love your description of the place,of the peace that surrounded everything and the silence that reigned over the night. Then how everything changed, was incredible,how suddenly everything came from perfect stillness to the town's panic. I loved the mistery you created around the whole scene. I din't expect the werewolf thing (just a werewolf fan,hihi).

Werewolves. We are going to die.

Hello, I'm Jordan...

I thought your start was good. It made me picture a quiet little village with a slight wind.
I also liked how you got right into the plot, some writers wait and write all sorts of things that aren't needed.
It wasn't a very long story, so I'm not going to say that when you were describing how all the villagers were waiting for something horrible to happen boring... But, I was just waiting for some kind of creatures to start barreling out of the woods, and it never happened.

Are you planning this to be a novel?
I think this story would be a great Chapter 1.

Nice Writng!

Bilgerats! I wrote a critique for this earlier, but I must have previewed it and then forgotten to hit "submit," because it seems to have disappeared into the ether. Let's try this again.

I'm sorry it took so long to get to this, by the way--I've had an unexpectedly busy few days. But here I am now.

I felt like it was written rather hastily (which, based on your message, I suppose it was). You'll want to go over this for typos and missing words, to clean it up a little. There's not too much of that, but it's there.

I love the atmosphere of tension and suspense you create here--it's well done. I agree with a lot of what Kat said, apart from the bit about italicizing the last sentence. I feel like that would be a bit of an overkill, personally; but it's up to you.

I would add that there are places where I felt like you were going for a clipped, tense feel in your sentences, but it didn't quite come off. Like this:

In short, it was a perfect night.

In this, they were alone.

I really liked the atmosphere of the story. The way everything seemed to be OK but in the end was absolutely not. Also I liked how you wrote something so serious as knowing that they were going to die, in such a simple way. It definitely got the message across. I mean, you could have gone overboard with adjectives but you didn't and thats what makes this piece so strong.

The story had a good flow and I could read it without any bumps.

Just like Kat said, I'd like to know more about the characters, especially about Jack since he was the only still outside(I think)
Did he make it back home safely, or did he meet any werewolves on the way. I don't know. Can't wait to the next chapter :]

Hiya Tim!

All was quiet in the village, save for the wind in the trees. Overhead, the full moon shone, bathing the town and surrounding forest in an eerie yellow light.

In my opinion, it would sound better if you add a 'the' before surrounding
Also, the description on the first sentences is lovely! If you rephrase the first half of the first sentence it would do good for this. It sounds a bit dull as it is.

Thanks you guys! I appreciate both of your reviews; they really helped me. It is so exciting to get my first critiques on YWS. I was really in a hurry to get this finished for the Reality Show, (Kat) so it was kind of like a short NaNoWriMo. (I think that's the thing, with the whole, 'quantity, not quality' thing.)

P.S. What do you mean by, 'rephrase the first half of the sentence'?

Hi Mr.Knightley,
This is a great start to a story! The plot was well thought out and kept the reader (me) interested throughout the whole piece. It also keeps the reader anticipating more, and you're sure to get people coming back to read the rest.
It's a little short for me to make much of a review, and I didn't really find any mistakes.
You could add a little more description, but that's all up to you.
~Zanna

Heya Tim! I'm sorry not to have mentioned that we had at least a couple of weeks to finish the task, so I'm sorry my review will be baed on more, more, more!

So, let's see through this, shall we?

All was quiet in the village, save for the wind in the trees. Overhead, the full moon shone, bathing the town and surrounding forest in an eerie yellow light.

And perfect it would have been. That all changed when scouts came back from the forest, bloodied and panting.

For what, exactly, couldn’t be certain. All that was know was the fact that something was coming, and it was dangerous.

A single collective thought passed among the villagers, along with a sense of cold dread: Werewolves. We are going to die.