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Drinking Buddies

by Morrigan

the smoke above you lingers in the eaves,
mocking you, eddying into the same face you wore
when you screamed about your dead sister,
your whisky breath rotten as i ferried you away
from sleek bars and silent sidewalk stars.

somehow your scent stays unsullied--
a sweet breeze lifts a stray hair from your face
(you never let the curls free but you won't cut them),
and your cigarette glows. the stubborn odor
can't compare to your bullheadedness.

somehow a year has passed since a millionare
barbed you into a dark blue confession;
for the first time you spilled yourself
into the cracks between concrete
like rivers, and you let me feel the flow.

you're all dammed up now. the ghostly face
that rises above you meets stoic flesh and dissipates.
it will return with the next flick of your lighter,
along with the inevitable overflow
(you never let them free but you won't cut them).

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109 Reviews

Points: 11267
Reviews: 109

Mon Jun 10, 2019 12:52 pm
silvermoon17 wrote a review...

I won’t be talking about imagery or metaphors or anything like that, I’m not an English teacher teaching you how to write; I’m a reviewer! So the only problem(s) in your poem, is the exposition. I think you take your time presenting the conflicts and all, which is a good thing; except we never really get it even at the end. I think you also don’t insist enough on rhymes, the words flying in front of my eyes until they dissapate. As a result, I couldn’t cite one sentence of this poem; since none of them actually holds a memorable message. We can’t relate, since too much exposition. Exposition, is basically opening up things. In a story, it’s presenting a setting, characters and a flash of their lives; and after exposition comes the plots and evolution of characters. In a poem, exposition is the same; except that exposition genuinely shows
(here is the order a poem generally is composed of)
the setting, then the state of mind, then the feelings, evolution of feelings, change of setting/state of mind finally with the stricking end. Which can be a twist or just a very tantalizing rhyming closing sequence. In here, you barely go over the stage of state of mind. I suggest you review your next poems with the stuff I’ve said.

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37 Reviews

Points: 300
Reviews: 37

Sun Jun 02, 2019 6:18 am
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demoncat says...

Hey it's demoncat here for a review.

I really like this poem. It is very deep.i like the imagry you use, and the way you portray these characters. It's a good read and I really enjoyed it. I also love how it makes you think.

Morrigan says...

Hi demon, thanks for your thoughts!

demoncat says...

Srry its gonna be a review. But it was to short. I didn't have enough comments it was too good.

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Points: 200
Reviews: 0

Tue May 14, 2019 1:40 pm
Allie123 says...

it is very deep

Morrigan says...

Thanks, Allie, I am glad you enjoyed reading it!

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42 Reviews

Points: 8
Reviews: 42

Tue May 14, 2019 5:36 am
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seekingthetruth says...

shoukd bea capital letter at the start of Somehow

Morrigan says...

I%u2019m not sure if you noticed, but I don%u2019t use any capital letters in the entire piece. It%u2019s a stylistic choice! Keep that in mind next time you%u2019re reviewing something with no capital letters in it! :)

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42 Reviews

Points: 8
Reviews: 42

Mon May 13, 2019 7:32 pm
seekingthetruth wrote a review...

this is a real masterpiece it has everything a poem should have it has a nice structurer a great plot and a very good title. the tone is very consistent through out some minor spelling mistakes but that as you know can be easily fixed with a touch of the keyboard. your rhyme scheme was consistent but could of done with it being more consistent. overall it ewas a very great poem to read I hope I will here more from your work in the late fututer.



Morrigan says...

Hi truth,
Would you mind pointing out the spelling mistakes for me? I%u2019m having trouble finding any. Thank you for your feedback!

One is not born, but rather becomes a woman.
— Simone de Beauvoir, The Second Sex