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18+ Language Violence Mature Content

Beard Water

by Morrigan

Warning: This work has been rated 18+ for language, violence, and mature content.

This is a Dada play. Read more about Dada here: https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dada

We are producing this play this fall. We have just written it and really need some feedback! Your thoughts are appreciated. 

Beard Water

Written By: Chloe and Debbie





Rosie The Riveter

Chorus Member #1

Expectant Mother



Scene 1

(Ghostlike present day feel. Queen mattress on floor with blanket. RADISH and BOY sit under blankets, along with NARRATOR, hidden.)

BOY: I feel disconnect.

RADISH: Let's talk about what we don't have to talk about.

BOY: I feel disconnect.

RADISH: I love you.

BOY: I feel disconnect.

RADISH: This is my destiny.

BOY: I feel disconnect.

RADISH: I've never felt this way before.

BOY: I feel disconnect.

RADISH: (kisses BOY)

BOY: I feel like there's something between us.

NARRATOR: (popping up out of the covers): Setting: one girl, Radish, and one boy lay in bed.

BOY: I feel disconnect.

NARRATOR: The boy feels disconnect. (NARRATOR exits the bed, stands over them, and puts his hand down his own pants.)

RADISH: Why is my name Radish?

BOY: Because the universe is an egg and we are all one. And if Eve came from Adam's rib, I am Adam, and you come from the dirt.

NARRATOR: Your two breasts are like two fawns,

twins of a gazelle,

that graze among the lilies.

Until the day breathes

and the shadows flee,

I will go away to the mountain of myrrh

and the hill of frankincense.

You are altogether beautiful, my love;

there is no flaw in you.

(projection of naked woman on wall, “Lilith” NARRATOR stares at projection.)

RADISH: (to narrator) Ya damn peeping Tom.

(BOY exits bed, stares at projection, takes off shirt.)

RADISH: (to BOY) Ya goddamn peeping Tom.

NARRATOR: The boy feels disconnect.

BOY: I feel disconnect.

(Projection stays, then fades to black. Exit RADISH and BOY)

Scene 2

(space heater with a feather boa appears on stage and remains there for the rest of the show. CHORUS MAN appears and eats entire stick of butter as the following lines are said.)

CHORUS WOMAN: (dumping laundry basket full of white undergarments and one green t-shirt.) I have the eyes of a Gemini.

(exit WOMAN)

NARRATOR: Spring! A baby is born! The nurses checked the desk drawer, but alas, were unable to find the existential tornado signaling the transcendence of an ancient demigod.

(enter EXPECTANT MOTHER in a white dress)

EXPECTANT MOTHER: The strangeness of standing by the fresh turned earth knowing you met her once and were lucky you did.

NARRATOR: (to E.M.) Fuck off.

E.M.: The boy opened a staircase of drawers that led to no door.

NARRATOR: You're ruining my scene.

E.M.: Whipped cream was on sale this week.

NARRATOR: The boys were breathing nitrous as they sank into the tie dye haze, brain cells trailing behind in capes of orange static and giggles. He inhaled two cans and respired lines of hysteria, the house cringing with migraine and smoke.

(bee swarm sounds for one minute as lights dim. EM screams during bee sounds. Exit MAN and E.M.)

Scene 3: The WAX

(NARRATOR beats out a slow steady beat on a drum(continues drumming throughout scene). WOMAN enters with small box containing belt and waxing supplies. MAN enters behind. BOY enters in robe.

BOY goes to center stage, between WOMAN and MAN. WOMAN kneels and opens box. MAN takes robe off of BOY and applies belt as a tourniquet. MAN applies hot wax to BOY's forearm and proceeds to wax. (in repeat performances, legs can be used for waxing as well, tourniquet applied to thigh))

BOY: I am afraid of the future.

WOMAN: Why are you afraid?

MAN: Boarding the plane his skin made the pressure cooker look like a bomb.

RADISH: Ya'll think I'm a slut, and it's my fault if he touches me.

BOY: Zodiac. Zodiac. Zodiac.

BOY and WOMAN: Zodiac. Zodiac. Zodiac. Zodiac.

BOY, WOMAN, MAN, RADISH: Zodiac. Zodiac. Zodiac. Zodiac. Zodiac.

(BLACKOUT. Exit all characters)

Scene 4

(lights rise for 30 seconds. Blackout. Obnoxious song (something like “Gigantic O.T.N.” by Kagamine Len then fades into jazzy baby making music) plays in the dark.)

(end of scene)

Scene 5

(ROSIE THE RIVETER lays on the bed. NARRATOR snorts cocaine off of her belly.)

ROSIE: YAAAAAAOOOOOWWWW! (strikes “Rosie the Riveter” pose)

(the following lines are said during naughty things)

ROSIE: (singing) Peanut butter, peanut butter, peanut butter on my thighs!

NARRATOR: (as he climaxes) he never read the fucking BIBLE!

(ROSIE slaps NARRATOR. Enter MAN in cactus suit)

MAN: (joyfully) I'm a diddly-dong strap on!

ROSIE: (with great distress) All the things men do to show they care.

(CM appears in background eating uncooked hot dogs out of the package. MAN and NARRATOR have a staring contest, making animal noises at each other. ROSIE puts on bra and panties from the load of laundry dumped before over her clothes. ROSIE stands on the bed.)


My kisses were tinted with white,

an emptiness that only wistfulness can uncover.

Like opposite rails, we travel parallel,

but never intersect like we used to.

I am afraid the train will derail,

as I will soon be buried in snow.

MAN: They say you only get phantom pains if you've lost a limb. (beat) I need a motherfucking stogie.

(All exit except NARRATOR. No blackout.)

Scene 6

( Videos, pictures, flash across the screen accompanied by old time horror movie music. )

NARRATOR: Abe Lincoln is no exception. Where the frickle frack is Radish? And why is it suddenly so cold in here?

(Project “evil Lilith" )

(blackout. projection stays)

Scene 7

( Lights up suddenly.)

C.M. Prepare the way!

(Expectant mother follows in behind CM. All bloody. ROSIE enters behind E.M.)

ROSIE: (comforting E.M.) We can do it! And someday you'll meet your son at the gates of heaven.

(EM cries. Makeout session for ROSIE and EM.) (Projection fades)

Is this a review?



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896 Reviews

Points: 240
Reviews: 896

Sun Aug 30, 2015 8:28 am
PenguinAttack wrote a review...

Maggie my love!

I've come by to review this properly. I know we've talked about it but is review day and this is in the Green Room and I'm not sure anyone else is game to give you a review on it!

If I remember correctly, I think one of my biggest qualms is in the first section with Boy and his "I am disconnect" because it just didn't feel right to me, something in the exchange. I am in love with the final instance, the kiss and the something between, because that feels right, but the earlier lead up doesn't feel like a quality assessment of relationship or something so I'm left feeling a little unsettled. Of course, being unsettled is just one of the joys that should come with this kind of play.

Curious about this, but in scene 3: The WAX, is it expected that Boy will cry out at all? What should his reaction be? I know you don't generally have to indicate these things but he speaks normally afterward (during?) are we to expect he feels nothing? I don't think the dialogue needs to reference it, I'm just curious about it I think. In addition to this, are the videos and pictures in scene 6 random or contemporary or themed? Would they change in theme depending on the performance night, are they social commentaries, would they involve the events of the night? Theses are the things I wonder about. I suppose because even the disconnect of Dada has to have some structural integrity in this kind of performance planning, doesn't it? At least one assumes when it is for a school type assessment it needs to.

In any case, you know I am really into this. You write well and you and your friend have created a script that reflects Dada really well, and exposes us to the untamed reality. Thanks so much for posting, Maggie. I'm sorry I can't be more helpful.

- <3

Morrigan says...

Thank you for your thoughts!
We actually have devised since I posted this a little, and we took into account the boy's reaction after the waxing, so he doesn't actually have a line there.
We are taking the pictures for the show ourselves, so I suppose it's contemporary themed?
Thank you so much for commenting. I'm sure Chlo will be delighted that you took such time to look at this <3

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58 Reviews

Points: 171
Reviews: 58

Tue Aug 18, 2015 1:39 am
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TheStormAroundMe wrote a review...

Oh my gosh. This is a beautiful work of art. I have never read something so random, yet so beautiful. Just the fact that you paired a Radish with a Boy was enough to make me love this, but then all the boy said was, "I am disconnect." Beautiful, yet sad.

I'm probably over-analyzing, but I saw in that first scene a person in the relationship who just doesn't get that one is unhappy. But then, it's so random that it's awesome. I can't think of a person who could watch this onstage and not laugh uncontrollably. Except maybe Batman. But he never laughs unless he's hurt a villain. Props to you on this.

I love it, in all honesty, which is weird because it makes ABSOLUTELY NO SENSE. What is this sorcery?


Morrigan says...

Thanks! :)

Life's short; smile while you still have teeth.
— Tuesday