Young Writers Society

I really liked this, the use of imagery, and the shortness. I seem to like short poems, they just seem to say more, how ironic. you definitly did so, even though it's small, it say a lot. Good job, i give this 3 thumbs up...oh wait, only 2, nevermind.

JEnni

The visual effect of the poem is not at its maximum potential.

Example:

Than simply fade
Away

Would most likely have the impact of fading away if it looked more like:

Than simply
f a d e
a w a y

I don't like that either. Anyway, it's your poem not mine. I liked the poem's meaning, but the impact of it visually should be improved upon for a maximum feeling of completeness. You seem to strive for that by putting "Away" on a line to itself, but it lacks something. What that is, I know not. Like I said, it's your poem. I'm just pissy, so don't worry if you think my suggestions are stupid.

i like it, but the "everyone knows" in the 5th line didn't seem right, though.

i like how the first few lines set you up to think it's something very simple and light but then you reveal a deeper thought. though i'm not sure i like how you made out and away seperate lines. i can see it both ways but i think the impact would be more subtle if they weren't and that could add to it. of course that's just how i see it and it might be the opposite for most people so it'd be best to go with your gut cause the way i see it both would be good.

I'm the opposite of Myriadne, I liked the last four lines the best. For some reason, the first 4 lines didn't do much for me, but the lst 4 made the poem, in my humble opinion.

I really like the first four lines. I didint like the last five lines as much because your poem takes on a slightly moralistic tone which I didint like. However that is just my opinion and I thought the first four lines were magic

I liked it a lot. Especially the ending, reminded me of Bon Jovi's These Days.