People always used to ask me why I'm so calm. They could not understand how I never panicked, never fretted, never had a nervous break down. I told them that I couldn't see what they saw, which was true. I can't see what I don't want to see. I'm blind to all evil. I forgot what it was, and I was only finally awakened when I became it.
"Tatiana!" The voice sounds hazy and far-away, as if I'm drowning underwater and someone is calling to me from above the surface. Help or heaven? I whip my head around, which is difficult considering the striped blue scarf tucked up to my chin. A girl with striking blonde hair and shimmery green eyes, wearing a bright blue dress, reveals herself to me. It can't be anyone other than Meghan. I had been keeping a sagging posture and my head down low all day, but when I see her, something warms inside my heart and I fall into a natural smile, an easy smile that only she can give me. I love Meghan more than anything else in the world. I love her more than any of my family, especially my parents. After quickly reflecting on some old feelings, I wince, and the strings that had been holding up my smile start to unravel. Meghan approaches me with some lines of worry and concern etched into her face, and I plaster on a big, unrealistic grin to avoid any sort of questioning. I'm really not in the mood for it. It had been a long school day; I just need to get home. I draw sharp breaths in, waiting in silent agony for the questions to begin.
"Tatiana! Finally! Where were you fourth period? And why do you look like your leg just got ran over by a car?" As she says this, she brushes hair out of her face and takes in big gulps of air, clearly exasperated after being forced to catch up with me. I just nod at her with a million thoughts running through my mind. The pressure in my head is so painful, I feel my legs begin to quiver. My head is pounding in a synchronized rhythm with my heart, and I can feel every part of my brain expand and push up against my skull. She has no idea what's going on, I think to myself. I can't begin to explain now.
"I got pulled out." I mutter this so quietly that I doubt she can even hear my response. "Dentist appointment. Stupid shit like that. So calm down, okay? And loosen your grip on me, will you?" It's insane, but I notice this a split second before she does it. Her nails are piercing my skin, digging and twisting, leaving new bruises on top of old ones. After I say this, she lets go and lets out an embarrassed little whine.
"What's with you, tater-tot? You don't tell me anything anymore. I'm starting to feel like we're not as closed as we used to be..."
Oh no. This can't be happening. I've lost everything else already; I can't lose her too.
"Meghan, it's not like that, I promise. I'll explain things later. Maybe during a sleepover. And I can promise that we'll have one of those soon." Once again, I put on that huge smile, although this time it feels like more of a grimace. And I think she notices too, because she frowns deeply after I finish talking.
"When will you ever stop lying?" Her green eyes, wide and brimmed with tears, grow dark as she spits the words at me. Her words are thick, like glue, and they stick to me with such a strengh that they can't be pulled off of my conscience. I don't know how to reply, because right now nothing I can say will help, so I stand rigidly where we stopped outside the school parking lot. She looks at me, up and down, in a scornful way, and I cast my eyes away from her. I study the sky, and I think about the purity and honesty of its vast blueness. The only way something can be pure, in my eyes, is to have no capability of feeling at all. Because feelings are always bound to hurt someone, and they will most definitely lead you to misery. The sky is pure, and I am not, and Meghan is not. But I can't have her slip out of my grasp, not now, not ever.
"Meghan, we can talk about this. I'll call you later." And with these words I leave her, standing in the middle of the high-school parking lot with hurt in her eyes, and I don't look back.
End of chapter
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139,593 Literary Works • 672,612 Reviews
hey! XD
You have a really distinctive writing style and I love it.
'I'm blind to all evil. I forgot what it was, and I was only finally awakened when I became it. '
There is a rather Gothic element to the way you write.
To suggest an improvement for this piece, I would say to ensure that you use dialogue either more frequently or more integrated with your passages of description. Because instead of it all flowing together, it looks more like you have....
one bit of dialogue
then a bit of description
then another bit of dialogue
Here is what I mean:
You're a good writer.
Keep writing.
~BSF
This was not bad. What I admired most was the quality of your descriptions. You've built up a subtle amount of suspense that has made me want to look forward to the next chapter. So this has atmosphere, and I like that. And it is not a pleasant one. In terms of critique, I'd like to point a few things out. Is this supposed to be a first chapter or an excerpt in the middle of a story that you hope to write sometime? If it's the former, I suggest that you indicate it as a chapter and perhaps be more descriptive in terms of introducing your characters. If it is the latter, then I would really like to know the events that have led up to these events. Such as what is the story behind the introductory paragraph? She never knew evil until she became it? What's the back story on that? So far, I don't really see anything going on except for this girl sounds really moody for who-knows-what and she wants to be left alone. Well, put some of these things into consideration, and I am sure that you will improve.