Deep within the heart,
a soul is stirring.
Deep within the heart,
a fire is burning.
What may now be a tiny flame.
May one day be an intese blaze.
Deep within the heart,
a heat is growing.
Deep within the heart,
a light is glowing.
A little spark can light a fire.
A little light can brighten anyplace.
Deep within the heart...
(I admit this is a write as you go poem.)
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
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125,018 Literary Works • 672,854 Reviews
I think that this is a really cool poem. The repetition worked beautifully but I do agree that a new image might be needed. (I do thesame thing my self so
)
I liked this poem. I thought it was very good. Maybe describe more and make it a little longer I don't know. Well good job!
ML,
Oregongirl
I third Crysi and Ed. You need to do some serious study of poetry before you can really write it. Your imagery, as has been said, is trite: in other words, it's been said before, innumerable times. It's like basing a poem around the phrase "One way or another." Sure, everyone's experienced something where that felt appropriate--and as Crysi noted, everyone's felt that fire within--but that doesn't mean you have to express it the way everyone else has.
Read poetry. Look at how published poets express emotions and events uniquely. If you're up for a challenge, I'd suggest looking at Emily Dickinson--I mean, really analysing her poetry. She's very good at that sort of thing.
Best of luck, and if you have any questions or would like any help, feel free to PM, k?
best kind.
It's a...nice poem. No, really. I doesn't really say much. It sounds good, but does it feel good?
Well, anyway. I liked it.
Erin
Instead of using the old cliches to describe things, take that same image and find a completely new way to get others to think of it. Or, better yet, think of a new image to go along with your shiny new literary devices.
Read Around.
~Ed
Trite.
Yeah, everyone has felt that "fire within the heart." But come up with a new phrase, a new metaphor, a new way of explaining it. This is simply restating the obvious.
Nice try, but give us something fresh next time.
The rhythm feels a little weird to me but that's just my opinion. I like the concept but I think you could do more with it than where it ends.