Drowning

I loved this, only because it's exactly how I'm feeling at the moment, I feel as though I'm being pushed back under, whenever something good happens, it just turns bad. :/

Keep up the good writing sweetie, I find this great, and emotional (which is probably what you were going for so... yeah.)

-ItsCharley. xx

I found this very nice. Even though its sad, I like it. This poem explains how I've been feeling.

Hey Moon,

Wow. I think you captured the exact feeling that we all feel. Every day. I loved the poem. I don't think I have a negative comment. Punctuation was fine. I didn't notice any rhyme, therefore no rhyming issues. It's very realistic. Yeah. I guess I'm trying to have enough characters for this to count as a review. I love how you said that you're about to take the gulp of air that you're so desperately needing, only to have it vanish, and you disappear back under the waves. Great job. I loved it. Keep writing! Can't wait to read your next literary work!

-FCS

I love this!

Here are my edits and thoughts on the work-

I feel as though I'm drowning; Okay. got it.

Sinking deeper every second, add a little bit more detail here

Minute,

Hour,

Day. [/b] Love this.[/b]

Submerged by all that troubles me, [/b] I don't really get this line. What does the narrorator mean?[/b]

Incapable of breath within the ocean of my torment. This is great.

Lungs fight for oxygen as my arms struggle upward, I like how you added lungs in this.

Body screams with anticipation as I reach for the surface, Great detail, don't change this line a bit.

Mouth preparing to take that first, precious gulp of air, good.

Only to be pushed back under. [/love this last line. Great way to end it![/b]

Hey! I've been on a review halt for a bit. But this brought me out of it, because I LOVE IT. XD

I like the way that you arranged it visually because it helps the reader to know the type of rhythm and flow that you're going for. And I also like it because it adds to the meaning of the poem so great job on that.

Incapable of breath within the ocean of my torment.

Body screams in agony as I reach for the surface,

Hello!

Wow, I think this poem is great! Every sentence was beautifully written, and it is very relatable.

The poem just flows very nicely, and the form makes it special. I really like the "Minute, - Hour, - Day." part, it gives you that sinking feeling, and the last line is really powerful.

I really don't have any critique, I think you put an original twist to it


Amazing job. Keep writing, I look forward to reading more from you.

Hi, I'm K and hopefully this review will be helpful!

The first thing I noticed was that you should probably try to work with your punctuation and change it around a little. To me, the punctuation as a whole seems a tiny bit awkward, but that's always your choice in the end! That's just a slight suggestion.

Then, with your line, "Incapable of breath within the ocean of my torment," I feel like it would sound better if you rearranged the order of the words. Maybe, "my ocean of torment" instead? Other than that one line though, the rest of your poem flows quite nicely!

Then for the next three lines, did you notice they would match if you took out the "My" before "My lungs fight for oxygen..."? Then the next three lines would start with, Lungs, Body, and Mouth which are all nouns and parts of you. It may just be one word, but I feel that if you took it out it would be a lot better ^.^

Then I really, really loved your last line. Especially the way you italicized it. That was just perfect <3

Other than those small things, this poem was really good! Maybe a little angsty xD but still really well written! Keep writing!