Loneliness was once a foreign concept to him. But once you become so accustomed to something, it becomes a regularity. To him, loneliness was a regularity which no longer needed its name. Loneliness was the one friend he could truly call that, a friend. One friendship which was truly unconditional.
A sincerely unconditional friendship is a rarity. The human race is notorious for finding excuses and flaws, breaking down those who shine. He knew this all too well, and accepted the only way he could be himself was to walk alone.
Accepting that he was truly alone didn't settle the lurking feelings that shadowed him, however. Sure, he said he hated people. That didn't mean he wanted to be drowned in constant abandonment. That didn't mean he wanted to be cast aside and labeled as something he really wasn't.
How do you fix yourself once so many have shattered you? Something so broken can never be fixed again. Not to its original state.
He was broken.
Even though he was nothing but fragments of someone he used to be, he hid it. He hid it well. One can’t keep up a steady resolve forever, unfortunately.
They found out.
They sent him away, saying the place could “fix” him. Unbeknownst to everyone, the strategic repairs crumbled.
And he was alone again.
But that didn't matter.
He liked being alone. Or, at least, he convinced himself he was better off that way.
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125,018 Literary Works • 672,861 Reviews
Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),
Hi! I'm here to leave a quick review!!
Anyway let's get right to it,
Well this is quite something here, I don't believe I've run into a passage quite like this before to start a story off and well it certainly drags you in here as a reader. That is quite a powerful situation that we have got going on here, with someone who is so accustomed to being alone that they treat it as a form of comfort as opposed to being with people. While that's already a scarily relatable moment there, this also goes onto capture a pretty deep moment there about how the human race works.
Hm....this honestly feels like a bit of setup to something much longer here, and its something I would definitely read too. The transition there from the somewhat philosophical though and general musing to these thoughts that suggest there is a lot more afoot here than simply having a few lesser friends than most people makes this elevate to yet another level entirely here and I find myself very curious as to where this could possibly be going. On the whole here, a powerful little piece pretty short, and pretty well done.
Aaaaand that's it for this one.
As always remember to take what you think was helpful and forget the rest.
Stay Safe
Harry
You did a great job with detail. The story made me feel what the character was feeling from the very beginning and it drew me in. As the reader, I could relate to the character because of the detail and the way you worded things,
"Something so broken can never be fixed again. Not to its original state."
and
"Even though he was nothing but fragments of someone he used to be, he hid it."
You did a wonderful job at making me feel what the character felt. You are a talented writer and I can't wait to see more from you. Keep writing!
I think the inner conflict that the protagonist is struggling with is very realistic, which creates a sense of connection and understanding to the reader. In fact, this is what I found exceptional about this piece.
The vocabulary is rich and florid, and the punctuation is meritorious.
It's just one sentence, though. I didn't get what "Loneliness was the one friend he could truly call that, a friend[.]" meant. If "that" refers to "friend", then why would you use "friend" again then add the appositive phrase: "a friend."
Otherwise, it's simply beautiful.
(This is my first review; I hope I was in some way helpful.)
Thank you for the review, it is helpful. When I get caught up on and a break from my school work, I'm going to go back and edit that line, since others have said it doesn't make sense.
Hi Moon, Waffle here for a short review. First off, welcome to YWS!! I'm so glad you found this site, it's truly an awesome place for writers seeking any sort of guidance. On with the review
The first paragraph is very well done, other than the one sentence I found confusing,
I believe you meant something along the lines of, "Lonliness was the one thing he could truly recognize as his/a friend." Word it however you see fit, but the way you have it here should be changed.
The last thing I wanted to touch on is the title. I can see how the boy may be broken in a sense, but it's pretty plain considering this great story you have going. Think over it, maybe try and find something that's more intriguing and relates more to the story.
Honestly, everything else is very well written and I don't see much wrong with it other than the occasional tripping over words that could be smoothed out. Excellent job!
-Waffle
Thank you! I will attempt to re word that sentence, and check over a few more. I also will work on changing the title.