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crushed

by MomoMajesty



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Wed Jun 23, 2021 4:31 am
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WinnyWriter wrote a review...



Hey there! Nice formatting for this poem. I like how you've put it on a background image. The rainy scene fits the mood of the poem, especially considering the mention of tears.

You've done a great job putting feelings into words. The violent personification of life gives the whole thing a perspective that shows the desperate feeling you're aiming to evoke.

Thanks for sharing. Keep writing!




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Wed Jun 23, 2021 12:40 am
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MapleWay wrote a review...



Hey there! MapleWay dropping by with a quick review!

Wow! This poem was fantastic! Even though it was a little short it showed so much. (I'll start with sharing my thoughts on the poem itself and then talk about the background.)

I try to escape, but it grips me tighter. I cry for help, but it covers my mouth.

My favorite part about these couple of stanzas is the rhythm. It does a great job showing the seriousness of this situation and how it seems impossible to conquer. It also works as a great base for the poem.
Now for the background. WOW. It could not be better. At this point, many of us have joined rain and sadness together. It's just how we think. So using it as a background makes the poem all the better. The text also pars very well with it.

Anyways great poem! Can't wait to see more!

- Maple




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Tue Jun 22, 2021 10:28 pm
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mordax wrote a review...



Hey there, Mordax here for a review!!

Let's get started...

First off, I love this poem. It is so heavy and hauntingly beautiful. I totally understand that feeling of life crushing you, suffocating you, like you can barely breath and I love seeing that in poetry and feeling seen by poetry. That is the beauty of writing and art.

I honestly don't have any critiques. I really loved how short this poem was. It was abrupt and vulnerable, and any more, I think it would have felt drawn out. I only have one question though. What did program or app did you use to make this? It looks so pretty lol.

Great job and keep writing!!

Mordax




MomoMajesty says...


Thank you!



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Fri Jun 18, 2021 6:39 pm
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anne27 wrote a review...



Hi Momo!! Anne here for a review.

Your poem is as beautiful as it is depressing
Being crushed by life is a very emotional topic which you brought up so well. The words used here are apt and thus heartwarming. One thing I found a little odd, was that in the first line you are being crushed under life, but in the last one you're getting crushed by it. Or maybe it is how the poem grows, personifying life as we go.

Talking about personification, it was really well done.

but it grips me tighter.
i cry for help,
but it covers my mouth.


These lines are so well written, it gives he reader a feel, that life is being someone who forces us to do things. Almost like a cruel parent. That we are given life, but it doesn't teach us how to live it. What it teaches is just to suffer.

Your poem was amazing and enjoyable to read. Keep writing!!




MomoMajesty says...


Thanks for the review!



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Fri Jun 18, 2021 5:55 pm
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chikara wrote a review...



Hey Momo! <3

Ahh this is really short, but it's also really powerful. When most people think about life as a whole, they probably imagine the good aspects over the bad; or they do imagine the bad aspects, but they don't really try to understand how those affect people and how those can get worse and worse in such a quick amount of time. It's something I see a lot of people bring light to, but it's never actually from this kind of point of view, I think.

The fact life is personified is also pretty cool. Life goes through all of these actions to apparently silence someone or stop someone from talking about their issues or something like that, which is an accurate representation of what it feels like. The narrator figure shows that they are stressed and tired with language like "tears" and "escape," but they still try to get out of that bad situation with the tone of the language being now.

There is one thing I want to point out though~

crushed under life;

as life crushes me.


These two lines are very similar, and that's a nice thing to play around with. I do think since this is on the shorter side of the poetry spectrum, so it seems a little overly repetitive in my opinion. It does indeed show the overall meaning of the poem, and it probably is the most important kind of line in this more subject-focused like scenario.

If one of the verbs were changed to another word that means something like crushed while still being different, it would still have the same feeling without being too similar and therefore, creating that feeling of repetitiveness. I didn't really word that phrase that well, so haha, I hope that makes some kind of sense.

Ahh good job!

- chi




MomoMajesty says...


Thanks so much, chi! I'm glad you liked it <3



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Fri Jun 18, 2021 5:31 pm
MomoMajesty says...



transcript:

Spoiler! :
crushed under life;
it squeezes my tears out.
i try to escape,
but it grips me tighter.
i cry for help,
but it covers my mouth.
all i can do is stay still
waiting
as life crushes me.





cron
A man hears what he wants to hear and disregards the rest.
— Paul Simon