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140,452 Literary Works • 673,211 Reviews
Haha this was sooooo adorable! ^-^
It's dripping with cuteness haha
Fun to read, entertaining, super duper cute, and very interesting >.<
I honestly can't give any advice on how to "improve" it lol but can only say that it was well written and it made me giggle as I read it
(maybe it's just me? I dunno, but I thought it was great. My funn-est read so far)
This one part: "Has cupid painted your wings blind?" confused me a tinny tiny bit, because I felt like it didn't quite make sense. Maybe if it were reworded?
Anyhoo, that's my two cents ^-^ Keep writing, and I'd love to read more poetry from you in particular.
Catnippp~
hmm..I am going to edit this..thank you!
it means a lot to me.It's my first poem so haha.
This poem has nothing to do with propaganda :p
The style and conversation between the two speakers is refreshing and I really enjoyed your creativity on that end; however, propaganda has to do with "information, ideas, or rumors deliberately spread widely to help or harm a person, group, movement, institution, nation, etc." and no information is being spread. This is more of speaker A trying to obtain information from speaker B. I believe a title change is in order!
"Has cupid painted your wings blind?"
This line makes no sense consider Cupid was never known for painting. I'm not entirely sure what you mean by "wings blind", but from reading it over several times it just feels more and more like forced rhyme. I would suggest revising!
Ahahaha thank you for the advise and Cupid line came from Shakespeare :p perhaps you should start doing some revising too?
Ahahaha thank you for the advise and Cupid line came from Shakespeare :p perhaps you should start doing some revising too?
This poem is really good I don't see anything wrong with it. I found it enjoyable to read. I liked the conversation and the stubbornness of one of the speakers. I really enjoyed reading it. Keep writing
Thank you and I'll try
Hi Moka!
GeeLee here to review.
Okay, so this is definitely lyrical! You have done a great job with the rhythm, it's well organized in stanzas, and the punctuation and grammar look nice and neat. I like the propaganda idea, but the way you express yourself in the rest of the poem is rather plain. I feel like you're bringing a common situation in a very common way. Imagery is very important in literature because it's what awakens the readers' minds and gives that little spice of magic to the common. My problem with this piece is that it doesn't really entertain anyone except the person who you wrote it for, because they are the ones who know exactly what is happening and what you mean (and if you think about it, those people we write for almost never read our stuff anyway xD). So here's the challenge; bring us more description and rhetorical figures! Show us how you can see the world.
Actually, you did once! And I loved it. But yes, I'm still a bit hungry for creativity here. Haha.
And that's all I've got to say. If you have any questions, feel free to PM me.
~GeeLyria
Aaah I see o.o
Bring magic into the poem...Thank you!!!
I really like this poem Moka.
At first I didn't understand it but now I do. I can't find anything wrong with it. Good puntuation and grammar. Great job, keep it up!!!
-Pandabear7-
Thank you.