Young Writers Society

This is very relatable and deep. Some walls must have had to come down to put this out on the internet where anybody can judge it in whatever way they please. Sometimes walls can be good, other times, they can block you off from the goodness in people. Anyways... I like how with every sentence, we get deeper and deeper into the poem. Most writers spend to much time on introduction rather then focusing on the middle and end. I get it though, good introductions are what hook the readers. But the middle gives you plot, which is important, and the ending is what leaves the reader wanting more. I am getting carried away again. Sorry about that. Anyways, this poem was not like that at all. I liked the equality of the beginning middle and end. Looking forward to more from you. God bless!

Sup, sorry this will have to be a speed review, I don't have a lot of time but I will do better on other reviews.
anyway, I really liked your poem I liked the concept of it also, the feeling it gives when one reads it and how you started it!

okay by Jay!






Ace101 out!

Hello Mockingjay! this is Gold here to review your lovely work!
I like how you began the poem, now keep in mind that I stink at poems so I probably cant help you a LOT but I will try my best!
so like I said, the beginning was good, I don't have anything to comment on grammar wise because the other reviews already told you what they are, and honestly, I really do like your work!
and if your a beginner I could not tell, like, that's how good you are!
your work is like a breath of fresh air and I want to no when more of your work comes out, pleas do tell me.
Sorry if the review did not have the stuff you wanted in it, but I don't really have any comments other then, wow!
so have a wonderful day and keep writing!


# GoldenArrow!

Its a really good poem. The theme is clear. The feels are there.. and i like the idea of "walls". I like the rhythm youve used.. however..

I think the 2nd line came out of the blue.. or more like, it was rushed. I know, thats how the poem is..but whrn i read "then" - i just had a feeling that it was forced or something was being untold. Maybe you can say it fades to turn a shake ..or something like that. Using a "gradual" active verb is what i would suggest.

The 3rd line seems longer. Youre giving many ideas in the same line..which felt like a jam to me. But in yhe next line- which has a big length- youre giving just one single idea. So it doesnt feel bad. In fact, i like this line

In the line "I begin to panic when nothing works" - i think you could use better words for this,especially the verb "begin" .

In the line "Someday we all have or will experience it"- i think,it needs some tense correction. Someday refers to future tense - so it should have a future tense. You can make it "we all will have or experience"- but here have and experience both give the same meaning. Instead of using two verbs, you can simply use a stronger verb to show the idea.
In the last line, i think , it should be "walls around our hearts

Thats all from me. It was really a nice poem. I loved reading it.

Its a really good poem. The theme is clear. The feels are there.. and i like the idea of "walls". I like the rhythm youve used.. however..

I think the 2nd line came out of the blue.. or more like, it was rushed. I know, thats how the poem is..but whrn i read "then" - i just had a feeling that it was forced or something was being untold. Maybe you can say it fades to turn a shake ..or something like that. Using a "gradual" active verb is what i would suggest.

The 3rd line seems longer. Youre giving many ideas in the same line..which felt like a jam to me. But in yhe next line- which has a big length- youre giving just one single idea. So it doesnt feel bad. In fact, i like this line

In the line "I begin to panic when nothing works" - i think you could use better words for this,especially the verb "begin" .

In the line "Someday we all have or will experience it"- i think,it needs some tense correction. Someday refers to future tense - so it should have a future tense. You can make it "we all will have or experience"- but here have and experience both give the same meaning. Instead of using two verbs, you can simply use a stronger verb to show the idea.
In the last line, i think , it should be "walls around our hearts

Thats all from me. It was really a nice poem. I loved reading it.

WOooWWWW!!!!!That's something I popped out of my mouth when I read it.
I never really knew that one could describe everything so clearly as in your poem.Wish I could give it googol likes without unliking it in the first place.That would be a miracle though.

"With broken heart and crying eyes,"
I personally think it'd be better to use an 'a' between the words 'with' and 'broken'.That kinda gives the feeling that your left with hardly anything.But you might even want to stick to this.

"Silently and sadly, I resolve to build them up again,"
I think here instead of the word 'sadly' using the word 'cast down' might be better since the word 'cast down' is contrary to 'build them up' and that creates curiosity in the reader's mind to read further, and sounds better too.Again that's a personal suggestion.

The rest is just Perfect!!!!Would love more of them.Keep posting.Your doing a great job!!!
(Sorry for the nitpicks again.)

-Lily^_^