Failure is my fear.
And today, I've failed, my dear.
It may not be important to you,
but to me, it's big, and it's true.
What should I do, miss?
Live in the depths of my own darkness,
or smile and push on to the light?
The latter requires much more might.
It's easier to stick to the gloom.
Much less mess to clean in your spirit's room.
But consider the sun,
and what might come from the effort you put in for the run.
Rising from the ashes is more worth it
rather than staying down and regretting it
Is that what I should do, lady?
Would my heart get stronger, maybe?
I do hope so.
I'm finally deciding for myself, you know.
Oh, how bright the sun's light brings.
I can see my might! Isn't that what a miracle means?
-R.S.
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Canary word: Present
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125,008 Literary Works • 672,828 Reviews
This is a very powerful poem with lots of hidden meanings that reside behind it. I love the contrast between light and dark, and the slightly gothic touch you gave it gives it that little extra edge. The way in which this poem is written allows the reader to interpret it in a variety of different ways, and I love that. There aren't many improvements you could make on this because it shows such depth and wisdom already. However, perhaps focusing a little on the rhythm would help it to flow better.
Ah okay that makes sense! Thanks so much for the review!
This was a well done piece indeed! I love how you put effort into to rhyming and yet were still able to make the puzzle of figuring out a poem still appear. This has a lot of meaning behind. The clever word play and unique writing. Just some tips: Pacing is really important! It help your readers understand what's going on and yet still keep them on there toes and wanting to continue. Also because you as the author know what is going on and why things are done its important to let you readers in on some of the action and still get them wanting more. One more thing having a poem that catches interest or can be relatable is just another thing I've come to find as useful. Well enough of my rambling-well done on this! Do please keep on writing!
Thank you so much!
Well congrats on finishing this poem! What I would suggest is...
1. Your character argues with himself which kinda gets off the main idea I see you have.
2. Try inserting more imagery,not spit but enough to get your five senses in.
3. I know some people are just so set on NOT doing this but not every line has to rhyme so if you do add something don't worry about rhyming it.
4. Keep going! You obviously have awesome potential so keep creating and don't give up!
Thanks so much!