Young Writers Society

Author's Note: This story contains romance between boys. If this makes you uncomfortable, maybe don't read it?

We got lost on the third day of our camping trip.

We’d had some dumb argument and there’d been some manhandling and a scuffle. Ash dropped his expensive new compass in the process and when we went back to get it, we lost our way in the thick, greenness of the forest.

It was my fault, really. I didn’t want to come on this trip, didn’t want to spend an entire week alone with him. He had always wanted to go camping and he’d looked so hurt when I told him to go with someone else.

“We promised to go together. I’ve never been camping, you know that. I need you,” he’d said.

“I’ve never been camping either,” I had protested. But not strongly enough, because he’d smiled, threw an arm over my shoulders and assured me it would be fun.

He was silent now as we tried to retrace our steps. I wondered if he regretted saying it would be fun. He should have come with someone else, someone who wouldn’t sulk and complain the whole time.

In fact, I was complaining now. “My feet are starting to hurt, Ash,” I said. I wanted to stop talking, but he hadn’t looked at me for fifteen minutes and surely the avoidance would end if I annoyed him enough. “Where are we? Oh, God, I think I just stepped in something’s droppings.”

“Can you not do this right now?” he muttered, still not looking at me.

“Are you mad at me?” I asked the question casually, but my chest felt heavy. “This isn’t my fault, you know. You dropped the compa-”

“Yes, Cole!” he shouted. “I dropped it. Just shut up for once.”

For once. My jaw snapped shut and I looked up at the sunlight dripping between the leaves. My eyes burned. I blamed the light. We’d been here so long, it felt like I hadn’t seen it so bright in ages.

“I meant, for now,” Ash corrected softly. “For now.”

“I didn’t want to come on this trip.”

He sighed. I knew that sound. He was frustrated. “You’ve said as much.”

I should’ve apologized, but I didn’t.

Ash chewed on a granola bar, sitting back against a tree, eyes distant. I couldn’t stop looking at him. He looked tired. Sweat glistened on his forehead, he ate lazily, and he kept sighing -- long, worn-out sighs. We hadn’t said more than three words to each other since he told me to shut up.

“Aren’t you going to eat?” he asked.

I observed the chocolate-flavored granola bar unwrapped in my hand. “I don’t even like granola bars,” I muttered but took a bite.

He snorted. “There’s real chocolate back at the camping site. Once we get out of here, you can eat it all if you want.”

Those were supposed to be for s’mores. Was that plan ruined now? We’d probably go straight home after we found our way back. “What if we don’t get out?” I said darkly.

“We’ll get out.”

“What if we don’t?”

“Our families will send a search party and they’ll find us and we’ll go home.” Ash was using that flat, matter-of-fact voice, the one he used when he was starting to forgive me for being a brat, but wouldn’t say so.

“We could die before they find us.” I made myself more comfortable against a large rock, stretching my legs and finding an angle that would allow me to eat with minimal effort. Ash watched, an amused smile playing at his lips. I tried not to squirm. “Tell me something I don’t know about you,” I said.

Ash blinked in surprise. “What? You pretty much know everything.”

“You tell me everything?”

“Well, don’t you?”

I shook my head. “Nope.”

“You’ve kept secrets from me?”

“Yeah.”

A frown replaced his smile and he crossed his arms. “Like what?”

I stared at him for a moment. We’d been friends for so long. I’d lost count of the years a long time ago. I knew him when he was a brat and I was brattier than I was now. We went through all our school years together. I was there when he got into his first fist fight in sixth grade. I was there through all the girlfriends and the bad grades and the emotional crises. When his mom got hospitalized, I went with him to see her all the time. When his little sister broke her arm, I drove them to the hospital. When he broke down in tears, shouting he didn’t know where he was going, I cried with him.

And he’d been there for me too. As much as he could be.

I clenched my hands in fists and took a deep breath. “I like sleeping with guys,” I said.

Ash’s eyes widened and he sat up straight. “You what?”

“You know, going to bed with, making love-”

“Stop.”

I shrugged, but stopped talking.

“Have you… slept with a guy before?”

I nodded.

“Have you dated a guy before?”

I swallowed nervously and hugged my arms to keep them from shaking. “Yeah.”

“Why didn’t…” Ash winced, hurt eyes dropping away from my face. “Why didn’t you tell me?”

I shrugged, avoiding his eyes. “It’s not like I don’t like girls.”

Ash shook his head. “I can’t believe you didn’t tell me.”

“It’s not that big a deal.”

Ash scowled and visibly tensed. Uh oh. “If it’s not, why didn’t you just tell me?” He spoke in a low, dangerous voice. One more push and I was sure he’d start yelling.

This called for a bit of the truth. “Scared,” I said. I winced at how broken the word came out.

“Scared? Of what?” He paused, face darkening. “Of me?”

I turned away, blinking. My throat hurt.

“Nothing would change between us. You’re my best friend. You have been for like three hundred years.” His voice went high and he gestured wildly, looking a bit hysterical. His breath hitched. “Is that why you didn’t want to come on this trip?”

I froze.

“Did you want to spend the week with someone else? Your b-boyfriend?”

I almost laughed outloud. “What? Jealous?” The anger returned to his face, so I added, “No. There’s no one like that.”

Suddenly not hungry, I sighed and threw my granola bar at him. It hit Ash in the chest and he grimaced as he brushed away crumbs. “We should find the river. We set up close to it, right? We can just walk along it.” I got to my feet, dusting myself off.

Ash sighed -- again -- and followed my lead.

“It’s starting to get dark,” Ash said.

I kicked a rock into the water, watching it sink. The sun was low in the sky, casting a shadow over the forest, except on in the river, where light reflected back to us.

“We’re going to die,” I said in a flat voice.

“No, we’re not.” Ash shoved me lightly, but it was enough for me to lose my balance and go tumbling into the river.

I landed clumsily on my butt, water seeping into my shoes and high enough to reach my waist. After a moment of shock, I turned a glare on Ash. He’d gone wide-eyed and instantly apologetic.

“Oh, God. Are you okay? I didn’t mean to.” He helped me up and I stepped out of the water.

My jeans were heavy and I lifted my arms to see the sleeves dripping. My backpack had fallen off when I tumbled and I picked it up. It was dripping too.

“I’m sorry,” Ash said.

“Look at me. I’m soaking.”

I must’ve looked sillier than I thought because he let out an unexpected laugh. “You should’ve been wearing your jacket,” he said.

“You should’ve not pushed me.” My voice had taken on that childish whine again and he laughed harder. I glared at him until he forced himself to shut up. Then, I tackled him into the water.

He yelped as he landed. I pushed again and his hand slipped, causing him to fall onto his back.

I was laughing now, rolling away from him as he sat up, soaked up to his hair, and reached for me. “Not cool, Cole!” he shouted.

I tried to disagree, but I couldn’t catch my breath long enough.

“How can you be such a kid all the time?” he snapped.

I stopped laughing. “You thought it was funny when it happened to me.”

“I apologized. Your expression was funny, not the fact that you fell into the river.”

“Why do you always ruin the good mood?”

“Well, excuse me for being an adult.” He jumped to his feet, moving out of the water so fast he accidentally kicked water in my face.

I watched him disappear between the trees and stayed put in the river, feeling the soil move underneath my palms. I watched the reflection of the sun for who-knew-how-long until a breeze blew across my back and I shivered. I started to get up.

Ash reemerged. “Are you going to sit there all day?”

I shrugged petulantly.

“I’m frustrated,” he admitted.

“With me.”

“With the situation.” He stepped closer and offered his hand.

I let him help me up. “I’m sorry for taking revenge,” I said.

“Sorry for being a stick in the mud.” He smiled.

I looked away. “Sorry for saying that.”

“I deserved it.”

I felt myself smile too. “You did.”

“Shut up.” He shoved me, much lighter this time and I caught a grin on his face.

“Take it off, Cole.”

“N-No.”

“You’re going to freeze to death. You need to take it off.”

Ash was already shirtless and I observed the goosebumps on his arms as he undid his jeans.

I swallowed. “I-I’m p-plenty warm.”

“Then, why’s your voice shaking?”

“Be-Because you make me nervous?”

“Ha. Ha.” He hung his clothes on a low branch to dry. “It’s only going to get colder.”

“Whate-” A sneeze interrupted me and Ash cracked up. I frowned. “Fine.”

We hung our clothes on the same branch and I covered myself in a blanket. Ash put on a long jacket, but it didn’t reach past his knees. It’d gotten dark while we undressed and I pointed a flashlight at him as he shuffled around in his backpack for more food.

“You look ridiculous,” I stated.

“You love it.”

Well, he wouldn’t get any arguments there.

“Ugh.” He shivered and rubbed at his legs. “I’m freezing.”

“Wanna cuddle?” I lifted the blanket as invitation. His eyes widened and for a second I thought he might accept the offer. Then, hesitation flashed clearly on his face and he looked away. “N-No, thanks.”

I felt something squeeze painfully in my chest. “Fine. Freeze to death.”

I moved the flashlight around the forest, observing how much scarier the wilderness seemed at night. The shadows looked like monsters frozen in place, waiting to attack. Every odd noise was like a warning of unknown creatures.

“What if we run into a bear?” I asked.

Ash, sitting maybe a foot from me and editing a granola bar, frowned and shook his head. “No bears out here.”

“Wolves?”

He paused. “Probably no wolves, either.”

“Probably,” I said flatly. “We’re so going to die.”

“Don’t start.” He reached and caught my hand. I blinked, pointing the flashlight at our hands and then at his face. He squinted, shoving a bag of crackers into my palm. “Eat something. You’ve barely eaten all day.”

Oh. I rolled my eyes, but opened Ash’s favorite crackers. He was probably saving them for himself. “Jerk,” I muttered as I stuffed my face.

He gave an exasperated sigh and was interrupted by a sneeze. I wrinkled my nose in sympathy. “Want my jacket?” I asked.

“No, it’s okay.”

But I was already unzipping. Ash stilled my hands, frowning. “It’s okay,” he repeated. “You’ll be cold.”

“I have a blanket.”

“Still.”

“You’re going to wake up sick tomorrow and I’ll have to carry you out of here, but your weight will throw me off, causing me to sprain my ankle. Wolves will howl ominously behind us, but I’ll be unable to get us to safety, due to the sprained ankle. And you know what’ll happen then?”

Ash tried to look serious, but amusement was shining in his eyes. “What?”

“We’ll die.”

He snorted and shook his head. “Fine. Give me some room.”

I let out a startled, “What?”

He pulled on the blanket until I released my hold and slipped in next to me. Our bare knees bumped against each other. I choked on my heart. “There,” he said. “Problem solved.”

“Solved,” I agreed in an unusually high voice.

Silence fell between us. I listened to the sound of branches being moved, leaves shuddering, Ash breathing. The forest was a terrifying place, I thought, letting my knee rest lazily on Ash’s thigh. His eye twitched, but he didn’t say anything.

I contemplated breaking the silence, this intimate, heavy silence. Letting it go on felt like a confession of too many things.

Ash broke it first. “How many guys… have you dated?”

I tried to make out the emotions on his face without pointing the light directly at him. “Ten,” I answered.

He startled. “Ten? Are you serious?”

“No,” I laughed.

“Cole.” He shoved me with his shoulder.

“Fine. I’ve dated three guys. One in high school, one last year and one… last month.”

Ash frowned, a crease forming between his eyebrows. “You broke up?”

“Yeah.”

“Why?”

I shrugged. “He started getting too serious.”

Ash’s eyes cleared and his jaw dropped. “Was it… Was it that guy that used to be there whenever I came over? Mark or something.”

“That’s the one.”

“He was always glaring at me.”

I nodded. “He thought we had a thing.”

“That ridiculous. Why would he think that?”

I moved my knee away from his thigh, trying not to let him see how much his words stung. Mark said it was the way I looked at him. Whatever the hell that meant. “Who knows,” I said. “Doesn’t matter now.”

Silence fell again, but it was the tense kind, the kind that meant one of us was angry or upset. I tried to erase the words “that’s ridiculous” from my memory and ease the tension in my body, but it felt like I might fall apart if I relaxed.

“You don’t want a serious relationship?” Ash asked.

“Not… with him.”

“With who then?”

“Can we not talk about this?” I snapped.

Ash closed his mouth and shifted his gaze away from my face. “Fine.” But the word came out tight, angry.

“Don’t be mad,” I muttered.

“I’m not.”

“Yes, you are.”

“You had, like, this whole other life I wasn’t aware of. I just want… some insight into it, you know?”

I nodded and rested my chin on my knees. “It’s sort of a sad other life. I don’t want to talk about it right now. When we get back to civilization, we can Facebook stalk my exes and I’ll tell you all the things they never wanted anyone to know.”

He smiled.

“If we survive, that is,” I added darkly.

Ash chuckled, leaning against my arm as if using me to keep himself upright. “You’re hopeless.” His eyes closed. I turned off the flashlight, stared into the darkness and figured the forest wasn’t really all that scary when someone like Ash was breathing against your neck.

The pain in my back woke me up the next morning. Ash was sleeping against my arm and painful static prickled through my muscles as I tried to move.

“Ash,” I mumbled, poking his cheek. “Ash, wake up.”

He made an unintelligible sound and squinted against the sun peeking through the trees.

“You’re drooling,” I said.

“Hm?” He opened one eye, then the other and stared silently at my face. My heart clenched. I shifted awkwardly. “Cole,” he said sleepily.

“What?”

He lifted one arm and reached. I held my breath. His finger stopped in front of my face and he pointed. “Spider.”

A rush of panic pushed me to my feet and I shook my hair, brushing at the strands. “Shit,” I muttered. “Shit. Shit.”

“I think you got it.” Ash cut through my cursing.

I nodded and gestured for him to get up. “Let’s get out of here before I go crazy. Seriously.”

“I didn’t realize you were so afraid of spiders.” Ash pushed himself to his feet and dusted off exposed legs. He picked up our drying clothes and sighed. “Still damp, but…”

I grabbed my clothes, turned my back to him, and got dressed.

Damp clothes were the least of my worries.

“There’s our tent!” I shouted. I sprinted towards our things, stepping over our dead campfire, and unzipped the tent.

Ash opened the cooler we’d left out and frowned. “Cole.”

I ignored him as I searched for my cellphone, but I noticed several things were missing. My wallet was gone too. “Ash.” My voice came out strained, which brought Ash instantly to my side.

“The car keys?” Ash asked worried.

“Gone.”

“Shit.” He ran a hand through his hair, distressed. “They took our food too.”

“The chocolate?” I said horrified.

“Yes. They left the granola bars.”

Of course. Ash looked visibly amused by my expression, but the seriousness of the situation kept him from laughing. He searched through our blankets, but we had been thoroughly and truly robbed.

“What are we going to do?” I muttered.

Ash sat thinking for a long minute. “Let’s find the road. Maybe the car’s still there. If not, there has to be a gas station or something near here. Probably.”

He didn’t sound too sure, but I nodded anyway.

We followed a trail until we found the road. Our car was gone. Ash groaned in distress. “My dad is going to be so upset.”

I nodded sympathetically. “Here. Eat a granola bar.” He took it resignedly, looking for all the world like he hated them as much as I did. I was starving, so I ate one too. “Better get walking, I guess.”

Ash looked out into the long, endless road, surrounded by nothing but trees. “Yeah.”

We walked for hours. Eventually, I ran out of water -- I couldn’t pace myself -- and Ash shared his with me. I tried not to take from him, but he seemed acutely aware of when I needed a drink. I felt terrible each time I took a sip. The day kept getting hotter as time passed and we both got sweaty and tired pretty fast.

I watched sweat drip down Ash’s neck and slip under his shirt. He walked ahead of me. He still had more energy than I did -- he’d always been more fit than me -- so I let him go in front. I kind of liked watching the muscles in his back too.

Next to us was a steep dip in the ground, a hill leading into the woods. Ash kept moving around branches and shooting the bottom of the hill worried looks. I just took my time admiring him. I was so tired. I couldn’t do anything else but admire him. I could hardly keep walking. My legs felt heavy, sore.

God, he was too beautiful, even as sweaty as he was. The way he ran his hands through his hair, the way he spoke, the way he worried. I had a sudden feeling of inadequacy. No one so beautiful would want to be with me. How could he even stand to be my friend?

My foot caught on something as I contemplated Ash’s beauty. There was a moment of panic before I went tumbling down the hill. I heard Ash shout. The world spun, the ground catching my arms and sides and skull in painful intervals until I came to a stop on my back. The clear blue sky stared back at me, partially blocked by trees.

“Ow,” I cried as I became aware of a horrible headache.

“Cole!” Ash dropped down beside me, looking like he wanted to help me up but was afraid to move me. “Are you alright? Is anything broken?”

The sun caught his hair and for a split second, he looked like he was glowing. And I was really tired.

I reached up, my fingers caught in his hair, I lifted my head. And I kissed him. I pressed my lips against his at an awkward, upside-down angle and it was still the best kiss I’d ever had. He was warm and soft and tasted like chocolate chip granola bars.

Ash froze, hands still reaching for me, eyes open in shock. I saw his expression after I realized what I was doing. After I pulled away in urgency, shaking with regret. “I’m sorry,” I croaked. “I’m so sorry.” My legs were trembling as I got up, my hands were trembling as I shook leaves out of my hair.

Ash was still sitting there, staring up at me.

“Ash?” Tears stung my eyes and I blinked rapidly. Hell no, I was not going to start crying right now. I gripped the ends of my shirt to stop the shaking. “Ash, I’m sorry. I-It was the moment. It didn’t mean anything, I promise. C-Can we just keep going?”

He blinked and sucked on his bottom lip. I flushed. His eyes fell to where my hands were holding onto my shirt, like my life depended on it. I tried to loosen up, but he jumped to his feet so fast I went rigid again. “Calm down,” he said. But he didn’t sound calm himself. “It’s alright. Uh…” He rubbed the back of his neck, cheeks red. “I… didn’t know you could kiss like that.”

“Oh my God.”

“Sorry.” He looked less embarrassed now and more amused. “Are you okay? Did you hurt anything?”

I tested my arms and legs. “No.”

“Good.” He grabbed my sleeve lightly and dragged me back up the hill.

Ash saw the gas station first. I was too busy watching my feet and hating myself. “Yes!” he shouted. “Thank God!” He sprinted towards the entrance and, after a moment, I took off after him. He pushed open the door, letting out a cool breeze. I wanted to cheer, it felt so nice being out of the sun.

“Welcome,” the girl at the counter said in a bored voice.

“Smile, Mel!” a woman shouted from somewhere in the store.

“I am, mom!” The girl gave us an exasperated, can-you-believe-this sort of look.

Ash flashed her a friendly smile. “Can we use your phone?”

The girl looked from me to him and gestured towards the payphone outside.

“No money,” I said.

She stared at us for a long moment before nodding and opening the cash register. She pulled out some change and handed it to us. “You guys look like crap.”

Ash called his dad. His dad agreed to call the cops for us and pick us up. The cashier, Mel, and her mother let us sit inside while we waited. Mel’s mother gave us each a bottle of water and a our choice of a snack. Ash got a bag of trail mix. I got a king-sized chocolate bar.

“Eating nothing but candy is bad for you,” Ash said with a smile.

I gave him a disbelieving look. “You’re bad for me,” I replied childishly.

“Oh, really?”

“Anyone who says I shouldn’t eat chocolate is bad for me.”

Ash just laughed at that, before he fell silent. He gave me serious look. “Cole.”

I flinched and stuffed my mouth with chocolate. “Hm?”

“Maybe… I mean, I don’t-I don’t mind… if you wanted to date me.” He cringed at my wide-eyed stare. “Or something.”

“Or something,” I repeated dumbly.

“Um, well not ‘or something.’ Just…” He shrugged.

“What the… What are you even saying?”

Ash’s face turned red and he shrugged again helplessly. “I mean, you’re in love with me.”

The way he said it made me want to find a hole to live in for the rest of my life. On instinct, I tried to deny it, but he gave me a look that instantly shut me up. After a moment, irritation started to crawl through my body. “So what, if I’m in love with you?”

“Like I said, I wouldn’t mind-”

“I don’t want you to not mind. I want you to-to want it the same way I do. God, Ash, what is wrong with you? I don’t want you to date me out of sympathy.”

Ash let out a long sigh. He was starting to look frustrated. “It’s not sympathy.”

“Really? Then, why would someone who’s straight want to date another guy?”

“Well, maybe I’m not straight!”

Mel gave us a strange look from the other side of the room and I felt myself begin to blush. “You are,” I said quietly. “You’ve never hinted otherwise.”

“Well, neither did you and here we are.”

“I did.” I stared at my shoes as I spoke now. Ash was trying to look at my eyes. I could tell by the way he kept moving his head in my line of vision. “I dropped so many hints. You just never picked up on them.”

Ash moved slowly and still I didn’t stop him in time. He kissed me, slowly and carefully, like he was testing how it felt. I didn’t kiss him back, just waited for it to be over and tried not to fall apart. “How straight can I be when I’ve been thinking about this since you kissed me earlier?” he whispered against my lips.

“Maybe it’s just momentary confusion,” I suggested. Another kiss and my eyes fluttered.

“Maybe,” he agreed mindlessly.

I tried to muster enough strength to pull away. Someone cleared their throat and Ash sprang back so fast he almost knocked over a rack. Mel gave us a smirk, but didn’t say anything as she passed.

I got to my feet.

“Cole?” Ash reached for my arm, but I dodged.

“I’m going to wait outside.” He looked so disappointed, I felt the need to add, “Sorry.”

Ash’s dad showed up before the cops did and helped us figure out what we were going to say to them. The cops gave us patronizing looks when we explained how we got lost and for how long. Ash’s dad rolled his eyes. I actually could not bring myself to care -- not one bit.

We thanked Mel and her mother and they paused in their argument to acknowledge us before we left. The car ride back into town was full of Ash’s dad giving us camping tips -- even though, he’d never been camping himself. Ash kept stealing glances at me, but I pretended not to notice.

They dropped me off in front of my apartment. Ash walked me to my door, even though I was pretending he wasn’t there. I fished my spare key out of one of the flower pots by my window and opened the door. Ash stepped in the doorway. “Hey,” he said. “Talk to me.”

I examined his face -- his eyebrows were drawn together and his lips pinched. He looked so distressed. “Just go home,” I said. “We can talk about this later.”

“But…”

“If.” I swallowed. “If you still want to kiss me in a couple of days, then come back. I’ll be here.”

Ash licked his lips. “If that’s what you want.”

“It is.” I gave him a small, reassuring smile. I wanted to say that it was okay if -- when -- he changed his mind. That we could still be friends. But I didn’t say anything. I just shut the door.

I slipped into bed, pulled the blankets over my head, and cried.

Ash showed up on my doorstep four days later. He saw my red-rimmed eyes, closed the door behind him as he stepped inside, and took my face in his hands. “I’m here for that kiss.”

His lips opened for mine. I cried so hard we had to stop and he laughed softly as I pressed my face into his shoulder.

Ash brushed his fingers through my hair. “Cole,” he said. “Have you been eating granola bars?”