My ears lingering.
Voices rise and fall.
Tears shed
And joy lead.
Faces after faces.
Each bringing
Their personal paces.
Whilst I stay.
A chip here,
A crack,
But
Always
I stay intact.
I am warmth.
Then a memory,
Sentimental value
And
A host.
A baby's first words,
Training wheels,
Lovers and friends.
Over
And
Over.
I see it all.
I
Know
It
All
I protect
Whether storm or
Sun,
Whether fire or
Rain,
Whether right or
Wrong.
I don't feel,
But I learnt
What love is.
I love
Till the day
My
Cold
Comforting
Walls
Crumble
And forget
How to shield
My
Family's
From
The
Storms
Cold
Hearts.
- See more at: http://allpoetry.com/poem/11506909-A-Houses-tale-by-ForsakenMiss#sthash.TYnPn0nY.dpuf
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140,179 Literary Works • 673,037 Reviews
Hey there! Purple representing the Black Nights on this wonderful Review Day! Let's get down to business.
I have to say, with the subject and your unique writing style I'm not sure what I'm a fan of more! This is something I've never really seen before, in the perspective of a house. I mean, you just took the phrase "if these walls could talk.." even further! And it's so cool!
The only nitpicks I have are when you make each individual word have it's own line. I couldn't help think that either you shouldn't do it at all, or you should save it just for the end as if the house is dying or being torn down. So when you say "I know it all", I can tell you were aiming to be suspenseful there, but it would really have a better effect if you solely did it at the end.
I hope this was helpful and I'm anxious to see what you have in store for everyone as YWS!
Happy review day!
~Purple
Hey Milla,
I thought that this was fantastic! I love how it flowed and I loved the imagery! I also loved how you placed the words, like:
"and forgot
how to shield
my
family's
from
the
storms
cold
hearts."
I just thought that this was great but "family's" should be families, that is all I have to say! OS there is nothing bad about this poem, I loved every single line of it! Keep writing poetry, you are really good at it!
happy writing,
-kitty4111
This is very heart felt, and absolutely magnificent!
Near the very end, you put "family's." The correct way would be "families."
Also, "Storms" should be, "Storms' "
Just a few thoughts
Again, this was genius, and I wish I would've thought as something that good before someone else did.
Keep up the good work, love!
~Aarica
I like this poem; it has a very deep and harrowing feel to it, I love the style of the whole piece, and the fact that you've used the voice of the house, and not the people with in it.
Although the poem is very well laid out, if I were you I would make it a little wider; as in not have one, two, or three length sentences; it makes the whole thing look a little nicer -and as a whole a little more detailed.
As you are new to this site I won't be too hard on you, and I hope to see more of you in the future.
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