Tears drip down her face,
Just imagine how she feels.
A daughter you never wanted,
Just one you got stuck with.
You hate her, but not as much as she hates herself.
Not related by blood,
that's the problem.
You didn't create her, another man did.
"I thought you loved me, dad!"
She screams at you.
Do you even care?
Did you ever care?
No more tears drip down her face,
You can't imagine how she felt.
She was the daughter you never wanted,
Just the one you got stuck with.
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Canary word: Present
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125,008 Literary Works • 672,827 Reviews
Hello, Retro here!
I'm sort of going to do a commentary of my ideas to start with because i feel as though i need to maybe constructively advice here. But please rememeber that this is just a suggestion, and this is by no means a bad poem!
Okay, in your tag you put that this is how you are feeling recently. (sorry by the way!) so this is your deep emotion. And you've only really touched the surface. You have the basis of a beautiful poem with such great emotion but i don't feel like you've rammed your anger frustration in the reader's face as much. When you say 'just one you're stuck with' all i can think is damn son! this girl going to kill you! and then that it. IStep-fether/daughter relation has issue okay that's all you've told us. So maybe a little bit more imagery? I'll give you, you have make up running which is okay, but you could dip so deep into your well of emotions. Describe him with fury. I want to know the colour of his beard? Is his hair greying? Do you want to grab it and scream? Punch him in his buck tooth? Punch him in his oversized gut? Hey do you just want him to hug you? I want to know. Because this is the start of an absolutely fantastic poem. I can feel it, and i so want you to edit this and make me angry with him. I want the sucker punch, i want to feel for the girl. And you need to make me. And if you ever do, do an edit, let me know and i swear i'll give you another review!
I really hope this helps.
And i am here if you need me.
Keep up the good work,
Retro
Thank you for the opinions and what not, but this isn't meant to be an angry poem, its meant to give off more of a sad vibe (Probably didn't do that very well xD), I wrote this in the heat of the moment type of thing, if you understand, so I doubt I will be editing it, but I might. Thanks again.
Wow!! This poem is dripping with emotion, guilt and love. It shows the sorrow of a child when he/she discovers that they are adopted. It's painful (from what I've heard) for the child to realize that somebody who has been loving them for so long, been taking care of them, is not related to them by blood. The poem is a journey of a man who is looking at his daughter with remorse, knowing but not knowing her pain and agony in not being able to cope with the helplessness she feels because she's not his daughter. Her father, whom she loved, is not hers.
Beautiful indeed! I give it a 4/5 for its sheer elegance!
Keep posting @Midnightrose4, I'd love to read more of your work. I am following you now!!!
To all readers, here's a shout out to the author. Please do read this poem! It's awe-inspiring!
Also do check out my poem 'Just a Spark'. Follow, like, comment please!
HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!
~ SilverKnight007
Thank you so much! I'm very glad you liked it. It took a lot for me to actually post this since it is one that came straight from my heart. This means a lot.
You deserve the admiration, appreciation and attention because this poem seriously struck a chord!!
Please do check out my poem!! Follow me if you like it!!!
~ SilverKnight007
This is very emotional! and why life sucks sometimes?, and how I feel about the ending...
Thank you!