Young Writers Society

Hey Mialynire,
Your poem, as i scroll down, made me feel intrigued more than ever before.
So far my experience goes, the first 5-6 lines could be polished and rescaled in the choice of pronouns or to say more precisely the starters of the lines can get to your standard with a little more efforts combined herewith.
Afer all, the picturesque you wanted to color in the amazing poem was heart-touching and at the same time thought provoking in a very secret way. This silent trigger of imagination is beyond any applaud, I want to adore it for life long.
Hoping for works from you on a frequent basis.
Diap

Hello... *waves with happiness*

"I was young once, and wild. It's time, you know.

Majestic thing, time," she replied."

I loved these lines a lot.

The poem has a good balance of narration and conversation. I enjoyed the introspection of the young person while talking to the old lady; it's the kind of introspection we have these days.

It was a wonderful work which involved the character development of the young person (I am a sucker for character development) and I enjoyed how the entire structure of the poem was realistic. The ending was just and... I really liked it.

the poem is very good specially the begining is very good. the best thing i felt is that u brought out the poem as a story with curious questions and interaction . as for the theme its very fact that all of us r going to be burden one or the other day. the point i liked is that u said that its so rare. the question which arises is that when u used blank verse then why did you use rhyme in that line as for the rest of poem its very good .the ending is good yet sad tone continues . we all will be burden. as foe the happy end if u wish u can add that we shall be old but we will be burden or not depends upon style people think us.

Hello, Mialy, Margo here with a review. This poem reminds us of our mortality. It's a real punch of reality...harsh reality. We'll all get old, and we'll all die. This is true. I'm not sure that necessarily means we'll have no one to care about us. Certainly, as we age, our friends and family also age. That can mean losing people we love. However, there is always ways to meet new people and find others who can relate to you. I know pleanty of old people who are happy and have people who care for them. Though the situation you've so adequately detailed certainly is a common one. The way I look at it is this: by writing this poem, you've inspired young people to put themselves in the shoes of older people who have few friends and people to care for them. Perhaps after reading this, some people will call their old mothers and fathers to see how they're doing.

I have a few suggestions for you to improve your writing. The first would be to make your sentences simpler.

Today I saw an old lady,

She was sitting in the street, alone in the rain.

She was wet and cold,

I could say as she was shivering.

I was returning dorm from work,

I began to think, whether, I told something inappropriate!

It’s a sad poem, quite upsetting actually. But, it’s an eye-opener to the reality of today. The old lady’s words are wise and capture a sense of regret; it makes it more realistic. You have used simple words to convey such a strong and powerful message; it’s been very effective. It almost felt like a short story to me. You managed to include both, the speaker’s and the old day’s emotions cleverly. I loved the atmosphere you created, i.e. using the rain to personify her experiences and memories. As an improvement, I’d suggest you to work on your structure. Some lines are too long, others too short. While it’s good to have a mixture, one or two of them felt too odd and disturbed the natural flow of the story you’re trying to tell. Except that, well done, and keep writing!