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The brain bug.

by Mezzie


The brain bug

Inside each head, there lives a bug,

That buries deep and sleeps so snug.

It likes to talk, to whisper, too.

It likes to lie, and mislead you.


After each day, during the night,

You might have felt its noxious bite.

Memories old and thoughts long past,

It brings them up, to your aghast.


Since man first crawled up from the sea,

It’s been around us, to its glee.

There are no cures, no treatments found

All humans will forever be bound.


But we can work to make it shrink,

For it to shrivel and fade to its brink.

To fight against its evil deed.

And make it suffer, make it bleed.


This horrid brain bug, we counter with ease!

We force it back, we do as we please.

We combat with love, with caring and hope.

We fight the brain bug, and together we cope.


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21 Reviews


Points: 623
Reviews: 21

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Tue Apr 30, 2019 1:14 pm
Leviari wrote a review...



I absolutely love this poem! The rhyme scheme makes it easy to follow, gives it a sense of lightness and musicality despite the dark theme.
The language is evocative, simple and effective yet the poem results meaningful and relatable. I really like the way you started with a darker tone and ended the composition with a message of hope.
In my writings I always struggle with punctuation, you placed every comma and full stop perfectly.

Great job!




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164 Reviews


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Reviews: 164

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Sun Apr 28, 2019 6:05 pm
Liberty500 wrote a review...



Hello @Mezzie!

I hope you're doing well today or tonight, depending on what side f the world you're on obviously. But anyhoo, I'm here to give you a review. :D Alright, let's get right into it now, shall we?

But before I start, I have already realized that you have a wonderful talent for poems! And if you really like them... I have a few things that I could PM you about. *grins* Anyways.

I love this poem. And you know why I love it so much? It's because it's relatable. That's what attracts readers the most, it's mainly because they love how relatable your poem is. But to me, there's one thing that I especially love about this poem. The way you've described it, you pictured it, it stayed in my mind, like... (god-I-don't-even-know-how-to-explain-this) You did a great job with this.

You used your words beautifully! And your rhyming, in every stanza, was too perfect! So, wonderful job on that! <3 I can't wait to see more from you soon. Also, d'ya mind tagging me (like this: @Liberty500)? Thanks! <3

And as always...

Keep on writing!

~Liberty500




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122 Reviews


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Sun Apr 28, 2019 2:53 pm
Horisun says...



This poem was awesome! I loved the flow and the rhymes! (I LOVE poems that rhyme) this was really good. There was only one, single, tiny, grammar error at the very start that'd I like to point out.

"It buries deep and sleeps so snug" Should really be, It buries deep, and sleeps so snug.

That's it! This poem is awesome, and I'm excited to read more from you! Happy Review Day!




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122 Reviews


Points: 91
Reviews: 122

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Sun Apr 28, 2019 2:51 pm
Horisun wrote a review...



This poem was awesome! I loved the flow and the rhymes! (I LOVE poems that rhyme) this was really good. There was only one, single, tiny, grammar error at the very start that'd I like to point out.

"It buries deep and sleeps so snug" Should really be, It buries deep, and sleeps so snug.

That's it! This poem is awesome, and I'm excited to read more from you! Happy Review Day!




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113 Reviews


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Reviews: 113

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Sun Apr 28, 2019 2:03 am
FabihaNeera wrote a review...



Hello,

This is a really well-written poem! I love the rhymes... each line flows really smoothly to the next. You use really good imagery, and this conveys a lot of emotion. I also love the idea and deeper meaning being conveyed from this poem. This is definitely relatable because we all have this "brain bug" within our heads, and I especially like how it can allude to anything. Any sort of negative emotion... this idea really makes readers think about what their "brain bug" could be. I like how you are describing this in the first few stanzas, as a negative sign for all of us... and then you end with a positive turn.

Similar to the first review, I would also recommend looking at the actual transition from the negatives of this "brain bug" to turning it into a positive. In the second last stanza, the first line mentions how it takes work to rid of this "brain bug", but then in the last stanza, the first line talks of "countering this with ease". I think these two statements are contradicting... so I think it would make more sense to focus on it taking "work" and "time" to rid of this "brain bug". If this brain bug is some sort of negative feeling or emotion, we can't get rid of it too quickly, it does take time and effort.

Anyway, that's all I wanted to point out! Overall, this is very nicely written, and I hope to read more of your work!

Keep Writing :)




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721 Reviews


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Sun Apr 28, 2019 12:42 am
DougalOfBiscuits wrote a review...



Heya, thought I'd pop by before bed. I'm not usually one for poetry, but I'm trying to practice more, so here we go!

This is an extremely relatable subject, which I think is an important element to have landed because the poem itself declares the subject's universality. I tend to think of a similar phenomenon as the Glow Cloud from Nightvale, so it might be worth alluding to the metamorphosis of the bug inside different brains. But bug is a good way of describing it, I think. It's gross for a start, and hard to track down, unnerving because a bug *could* be inside someone's head.

I like the use of "crawled", "horrid", "noxious". You've definitely done well at establishing a very slow, creepy, sinister tone. Although, I think the transition into defiant is maybe slightly too fast? It goes straight from "horrid brain bug" to "counter with ease". How do we counter it with ease, if the rest of the poem has been about how insidious it is? I think we need imagery and language that's similarly compelling about the power of love and hope in order to effectively counter the bug. Something about the strength we put up when we link together, or how words can slip into your mind and weasel out the bug, engaging it in combat at least if not taking it out.

Hope this helps,
Biscuits/Dougie :)





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