Standing on a field
The light of the sun faded
There came the twilight
Moon, showing its light
The clean air breezing at night
Flowers drift around
Stars twinkling at night
Fireflies lit up the land
Flying in the sky
Dancing through the field
Wishing for a moment to
Stay for a long time
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
125,017 Literary Works • 672,850 Reviews
How amazing!
So so nice and the language that you used is so so amazing!
It almost has a calming effect,love the imagery and everything. I would love to see even more similar poems from you . An extension would be nice,not in a bad way no no in no way do I mean that in a bad way..I just love this so much I wish I could keep on reading!
Hope you have a really nice day!
Thank you for your really nice work.
Hello!
Ah, wonderful haikus! I love them because they're so full of imagery, and they're so splendid.
I'll take this haiku by haiku.
Haiku 1
This is 6 syllables.
Standing=2 on=1 a=1 field=2 add them all up, you get 6
Besides that, I really enjoyed this one. Haikus aren't really a "continuous" poem you could say, each line is pretty much "different" in a way(at least, I'm pretty sure). So I really liked this one.
Haiku 2
I feel like you could replace "showing" with something else. It just doesn't seem like the right word for this, and it's not too specific, it's just... showing.
This is more of my opinion, I think this line would sound better like so: "Clean air breezing through the night". So you're eliminating the 'the' at the beginning and the 'at' and replacing it with 'through the'.
I very much enjoyed this one as well, mostly because it felt very soft and quiet. Like when you're just standing outside on the countryside.
Haiku 3
'Night' is used several times in the haikus above, and since this seems like a bunch of haiku poems bunches together, it would seem appropriate to not repeat words too many times.
*light (not lit)
Haiku 4
All right, so, I don't have any nitpicks/corrections to give you for this haiku, but I do have some feedback. As mentioned above(haiku 1) this seems more of a "traditional" poem - continuous, in a sense. Does that make sense? Like, each line is very related to the one above, so they're all "connected" more.
I did like the meaning of this one though, it was very soothing, and wistful.
.
All in all, these were very nicely written haikus! I live how they were all bunched together to form one long story of haikus, that was very creative.
I hope this helps! Keep writing,
~ EternalRain
The first line is not actually 6 syllables
its exactly 5
thanks for the review!
Stan/ding -2 on/-1 a/-1 field/-1 = 5
Hi! This is a really cool poem because I've never seen the haiku format incorporated into a longer "traditional" poem. I love the feel of this piece. It's just so whimsical and pretty and really shows the emotion of nature after the sun goes down. However, the use of words rhyming with "light" is a bit jarring since there is no rhyme scheme to the poem and the reader might get confused. Another thing I think could be improved is the last line. "Stay for a long time" is a little bit trite and not as fitting to the rest of the poem. I feel like the it should be made more dramatic to really add a nice final beat the piece. Sorry if that sounds a bit confusing, I'm having trouble conveying my thoughts. Anyways, this is a really awesome haiku! Keep up the good work.
This is a Haiku!
If you guys doesn't know what Haiku means..
Haiku is a poetic form that has 5-7-5 syllables in each stanza