Published November 30, 2005
In the cold, the world slows down
Airs eerie movements become incarnate in mist
Light seems almost to halt in solid strands
Creating beautifully intricate sculptures of glow
Elegant wisps of cigarette vapour
Trail from your mouth giving shape,
Albeit infinitely ethereal, to every word,
Every breath, every thought
But it perplexes me as much as your speech.
You stand so close to me, yet
An infinity of this frozen time lies between us.
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140,552 Literary Works • 673,425 Reviews
I liked the last two sentences. Nice imagery indeed. The emotion is well brought forward. I'm tracing my mind for any crititical comments or suggestions, but nothing.....I guess it's just good!!!
Thank you all for the great feedback, Consider that apostrophe inserted.
Oooh, I say, very good.
Minor point - put an apostrophe in that 'airs' or you will surely perish.
Excellent ending - the last three lines were very, very good.
that is absolutely beautiful...very complex, great images, just....mmmm! Like a snowflake
only not cold, or really like a snowflake,
except in it's temperature
which was cold.
nvm, I liked it.
I really liked it. A lot of emotion and nice imagery.
These were the best lines. A great way to finish
It was good....but it didn't touch me in anyway. I may have to re-read it lol.