Until The End-Part 7

by Merry_Haven

Published October 30, 2008

~Hey everyone. Here's part seven. Negative reviews are welcomed. Enjoy!~

Part 7

'Night

After dinner, I excuse myself to shower.

After showering, I brush my teeth and meet

Grandma Essie in the living room. “Goodnight

Grandma.” I said as she points for me to sit down.

The tanish brown couch is soft as I sit down and

I noticed that Grandma is knitting. Her old, wrinkled

fingers go in and out as she's concentrating on

what she's doing.

A few minutes pass by with me watching her

and she looks up, “You should try knitting

sometime, Hailey. You would like it.” I smile

at the knowledge and passion she has for this

hobby. Maybe someday I'll be like her. “Yeah,

I should. Well, I gotta get some sleep. School

tomorrow.”

She places her things down beside her, and

motions for me to come to her. Wrapping her

arms around me, she says, “Goodnight my dear.

Have a goodnight sleep.” Grandma Essie lets go

and I start walking to my room, “Thanks, Grandma.”

Dream

As dreams comes and goes every night, and sometimes

nightmares eventually sneak through, I never really

remember the dreams. Laying in my comfortable bed,

I dream of many things. Things like flying like a bird,

ones with zombies, or dressing up in my underwear

at school.

They can be confusing at times, or easy to understand.

Sometimes I don't even get dreams and I sleep even

better without them. Except tonight felt different.

I was dreaming, I was in a field of lilies. Everything

felt real, but I knew this was only a dream.

Walking through the lilies, I felt a warm breeze

wrap all along my pale skin. I wonder what it is.

“Hailey.” Strangely I hear a voice call my name

but don't see anything. “Come to me.” With those

words, everything becomes black.

Comments & reviews · 4
CastlesInTheSky wrote a review Review · Oct 31, 2008

Hello Merry (:
This was an amazingly tense chapter, my eyes were glued to the words the whole time through. The tenseness wasn't achieved through blatant action happening in your story, but through something you've worked in between the lines. It was beautifully and cleverly crafted, really well done.
I also love the style it's written it; it's a style I haven't seen very much before and it makes this story stand out. Very quirky and original - I love it and hope you write more very soon.

Sarah
xxx

User avatar
ashleylee
Review
ashleylee wrote a review Review · Oct 30, 2008

This chapter is my favorite out of the ones I have reviewed today :wink: Very intense ending. :D

The only thing I found confusing was this part:

As dreams comes and goes every night, and sometimes

nightmares eventually sneak through, I never really

remember the dreams.


This is worded really oddly. I suggest a total rewrite.

Other than that, it was good.

Keep up the good work, Merry! :D

User avatar
lucyy
Review
lucyy wrote a review Review · Oct 30, 2008

Wohoo *bobs up and down* yipee to another chapter :D
Let's read it ...

Wow, another great chapter and a brilliant ending! I can't wait for more, you little teaser :wink: haha,

--Lucyy xx



See, we could have been called The Shoes.
— Paul McCartney