Published October 30, 2008
~Hey everyone. Here's part seven. Negative reviews are welcomed. Enjoy!~
Part 7
'Night
After dinner, I excuse myself to shower.
After showering, I brush my teeth and meet
Grandma Essie in the living room. “Goodnight
Grandma.” I said as she points for me to sit down.
The tanish brown couch is soft as I sit down and
I noticed that Grandma is knitting. Her old, wrinkled
fingers go in and out as she's concentrating on
what she's doing.
A few minutes pass by with me watching her
and she looks up, “You should try knitting
sometime, Hailey. You would like it.” I smile
at the knowledge and passion she has for this
hobby. Maybe someday I'll be like her. “Yeah,
I should. Well, I gotta get some sleep. School
tomorrow.”
She places her things down beside her, and
motions for me to come to her. Wrapping her
arms around me, she says, “Goodnight my dear.
Have a goodnight sleep.” Grandma Essie lets go
and I start walking to my room, “Thanks, Grandma.”
Dream
As dreams comes and goes every night, and sometimes
nightmares eventually sneak through, I never really
remember the dreams. Laying in my comfortable bed,
I dream of many things. Things like flying like a bird,
ones with zombies, or dressing up in my underwear
at school.
They can be confusing at times, or easy to understand.
Sometimes I don't even get dreams and I sleep even
better without them. Except tonight felt different.
I was dreaming, I was in a field of lilies. Everything
felt real, but I knew this was only a dream.
Walking through the lilies, I felt a warm breeze
wrap all along my pale skin. I wonder what it is.
“Hailey.” Strangely I hear a voice call my name
but don't see anything. “Come to me.” With those
words, everything becomes black.
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Hello Merry (:
This was an amazingly tense chapter, my eyes were glued to the words the whole time through. The tenseness wasn't achieved through blatant action happening in your story, but through something you've worked in between the lines. It was beautifully and cleverly crafted, really well done.
I also love the style it's written it; it's a style I haven't seen very much before and it makes this story stand out. Very quirky and original - I love it and hope you write more very soon.
Sarah
xxx
This chapter is my favorite out of the ones I have reviewed today
Very intense ending.
The only thing I found confusing was this part:
This is worded really oddly. I suggest a total rewrite.
Other than that, it was good.
Keep up the good work, Merry!
Wohoo *bobs up and down* yipee to another chapter
haha,
Let's read it ...
Wow, another great chapter and a brilliant ending! I can't wait for more, you little teaser
--Lucyy xx