Published October 27, 2008
~Hey, everyone. Here's part four. Negative reviews are welcomed. Enjoy!~
Part 4
Home
We pass by the wild flowers and see
water fountains. The garden in the front yard
is just gorgeous. The bright yellow honey
suckles hang on vines on the side of the
house and the baby blue morning glories
give a sweet scent.
Harper's house is magnificent. “You know
Harper, I love Victorian houses.” She stopped in
her steps and turned to me, “Mom, loved the way
the house looked and begged dad to buy it.”
I wonder how it looks inside? “Really?”
“Yeah, I'll show you the inside. Come on.”
Parents
Her mom was right about this house. It's
like a picture from the past. There are antiques
everywhere. Old fashioned lamps, chestnut
tables, even pictures of probably famous people
back in the 19th century.
Harper leads us to the kitchen, which has a
modern style touch to it. “Mom, this is
Essie's granddaughter.” She turns from
cooking and smiles brightly to me, “Hi,
you must be Hailey.”
She seems happy yet distracted from
cooking. “Harper why don't you show
her your room?” “Sure.” Her mom gets back to
work while we leave. “My room's upstairs.”
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141,698 Literary Works • 675,577 Reviews
This chapter was good...but I felt like it was kind of missing something. Yes, this needed to be included, but when I read the info from beneath the title, I assumed I was meeting her mom. But this was kind of like a "Hi, bye" meeting, you know?
hehe
I would try to describe her mom, describe the house more, give us more of that insight that I know you possess
Besides that, I'm on to chapter five!
The only thing I have to say about this is to be careful with your speech, as it can get confusing as to who's saying what, because of your (unique and fabulous!) story layout. So, try to make it clear all the time as to who's saying what. Apart from that, another great chapter and fantastic imagery and descriptions of the house ... I think that's it ... off to part five ,,,
--Lucyy xx