z

Young Writers Society


16+ Language Violence

Hybrids: Chapter 6

by SkyVibes


Warning: This work has been rated 16+ for language and violence.

            “Leave?” Sako asked. He coughed hard, “But we can’t leave.”

Yagi grabbed Sako’s forearm closest to him, “Sako, if we stay here, they’ll kill us all. They’ve already started with you. Don’t you realize that you’re not getting better?”

Sako gave him a skeptical look, “If they were killing me, I’d be dead years ago.”

Yagi slouched against a wall and frowned in disappointment, “I thought you wanted freedom.”

“Of course I do. But, Yagi, we don’t even know what’s out there. Who’s going to help us?”

“Doctor. He’s going to bring us to this place called Bridston County. He’ll help us find a home.”

Sako’s eyes widened. “We’ll be separated?”

“No. We’ll be with him.”

“What if something goes wrong?”

“Nothing will go wrong.” He told him. He wished he could believe his own promise.

Sako pulled his arm away from Yagi as he defeatedly put his hands over his face, “A demon…I still can’t believe it. I mean, I guess it makes sense but…”

“If it helps, you’re one of the friendliest demons I know.” Yagi said as he tried to encourage his friend.

Sako dropped his hands and scoffed as he looked at the blanket folded over his legs, “Gee, thanks.” His blue eyes glanced at Yagi.

There was an awkward silence. Sako cleared his throat and glanced at Yagi, “Do you think…you’ll be a demon?”

Yagi was wondering the same thing. He didn’t want to be. But he also knew that Sako did want him to be a demon so that he wouldn’t feel so alone in this.

But he didn’t want to be half angel either. He just wanted to be normal. He just wanted to be…human.

Yagi shrugged and looked at the floor as he defeatedly sat down in a seat next to Sako’s cot. “I have no idea.” He breathed. He knew Sako wanted to ask if he wanted to be. So, he answered one of the unspoken questions between them, “If being an angel means I can’t be around my best friend then I want to be a demon.”

Sako sat straighter making him cough, “Wait, what? You can’t be around me?”

Yagi shrugged, “I don’t know. It depends on what Doctor says. I mean, it would make sense. I mean…Sako, what if you hurt me? You already attacked someone.”

Sako frowned and looked down at his hands. “I don’t even remember attacking him. I don’t know what happened. All I remember is this horrible taste in my mouth.” He looked at Yagi, “We’re brothers, right?”

“Yeah of course.”

“So, I would never hurt you. You don’t have to be scared of me. I’ll learn to control this…demon I have as Doctor put it.”

Sako coughed more and wiped his mouth with the back of his hand. Yagi watched his eyes grow wide with surprise as he hid the hand under the blanket. Yagi stood up, “What’s wrong?”

“Nothing. I’m fine.” He mumbled.

Yagi grabbed the bloody hand and let go like Sako was a disease. Even though he knew demon blood was black, he didn’t entirely believe it.

Until now.

Sako’s hand had black blood on it from when he coughed. There wasn’t a trace of red blood anymore.

Sako looked ashamed as he slowly pulled his hand back. With his clean hand, he wiped his eyes which had watered over with tears. “I never asked to be a demon.”

Yagi put his hand on his friend’s arm. “I don’t think anyone ever would, Sako. But we’ll get through this. You don’t have to suffer alone.” he heard Doctor call his name down the hall. Yagi stood up and walked over to the door. He reached his hand out for the handle but paused and then turned to Sako. “It’s just…fate I guess.”

As he went to open the door, Doctor came rushing in, accidentally grazing the door against Yagi’s arm, making it draw blood. Yagi yelped with the sudden pain but placed a hand over the cut. Doctor quickly apologized to Yagi and then went to Sako.

“Is everything okay, Sakuro? I’m late for a meeting but I wanted to see how you are doing while I passed by.”

He frowned and looked at his bloody hand. “My blood is completely black now. I’m coughing up blood…again.” Sako closed his eyes and groaned as he pinched the bridge of his nose tightly.

“What’s wrong now?” Doctor asked as he stepped forward.

“I smell something like blood but it’s making me really nauseous. I don’t know why.”

“Is it your blood causing this?” Yagi asked. He walked over and Sako started to shake his head. He slid off the bed and staggered his way to the bathroom where he got sick on the floor.

Doctor rushed in to help him and the two came out, with Doctor helping Sako walk. Sako stopped walking, “No, stop. I’m nauseous again.” He groaned, “That smell is so strong.”

“But Sako, it doesn’t make any sense.” Doctor said. “You were perfectly fine a second ago.” He placed a hand over Sako’s forehead. “You don’t even have a fever.”

Yagi walked forward when Sako put a hand against the bed and threw up onto the ground.

“Damn.” Sako said weakly after he had coughed up the last of it. “I don’t know why I’m so sick all of a sudden.”

Doctor helped him into his bed and called someone to come help clean up the mess.

Then it clicked in Yagi’s mind, “Doctor, what if it’s me?”

“That’s ridiculous, Yagi.” Sako said without looking at him.

“But I’m the only one who’s actually bleeding. The door rammed into my arm. Every time I walk forward, you get sick.”

“Yagi, there’s no way you’re the reason.” Sako told him, “You aren’t even bleeding that much.”

Doctor looked at the both of them. “Let’s test it.” Doctor said, “Yagi, let's step outside.”

We both did and Sako said he felt a little better. Doctor used a small knife to secretly cut his arm before walking back in back in. “Do you still feel better, Sako?” He asked

He nodded and Doctor walked back out. “Alright now I’m going to walk back in, and you tell me if you feel sick. Close your eyes.”

Sako did and Yagi went in instead of Doctor. Sako closed his eyes tighter and groaned before Yagi could get more than halfway in the room. “It’s back again.” He said as he shook his head.

Yagi frowned. It really was because of him. He went back outside, looking from the door. Sako opened his eyes and looked at them. “It’s Yagi isn’t it?”

Both solemnly nodded.

“I wonder why though.” Doctor said, “Let me bring in another boy. I want to test something.”

He left and Sako couldn’t meet Yagi’s eyes. “I guess you can’t stay here, huh?”

“Maybe I can put something over my arm. Then maybe I won’t bother you?”

Sako was already shaking his head, “No. I can smell whatever it is over here. I don’t think it’s your blood. You must just be wearing something that has that smell.”

Doctor asked for Yagi to move away as he brought in two boys. One boy was taller than the other one and had slightly wavy brown hair and brown eyes. He looked to be around eighteen. The shorter one had dark skin and hair and piercing brown eyes and looked to be eighteen as well. Once the taller one got as close as twenty feet from Yagi he put a hand up to his nose. The shorter one didn’t.

Doctor put a hand on the shorter guy, “Branson, go in the next room with Yagi. Victor, come with me.”

Both boys looked super confused. Victor went with Doctor to see Sako. Branson and Yagi went to the other room and sat down at a table. Branson cleared his throat, “So are you an angel?”

Yagi simply shrugged. “I don’t know yet.”

“I haven’t seen you before.”

Again Yagi shrugged. He didn’t want to talk. He just wanted to see Sako and find out what was going on.

“What’s your name?”

“Yashagami.” He answered flatly.

“That’s a mouthful. Do you have a nickname you like to go by?”

“You can call me Yashagami for now,” Yagi replied.

Doctor came back without Victor and asked Branson to follow him. He brought him back and asked him to cut his arm. Then he had both Yagi and Branson come in. Both Victor and Sako felt nauseous. Victor put a hand to his nose and shook his head, “Ugh. Angel blood. What did you do now, Branson?”

“‘Angel blood’?” Yagi asked quietly.

“Branson is half angel.” Doctor explained, “I have a theory you are too. For whatever reason it seems half demons smell angel blood they become disgusted. Victor and Branson are the only ones to experience this, so I didn’t think much of it. But now you and Sako also have that. It’s possible that we just now discovered a new way to find out if someone is a demon or angel.”

Sako groaned quietly and tried to get out of bed, “You two need to leave. I can’t take it anymore. Leave.”

Yagi could tell it wasn’t just that why Sako wanted him to leave because he was nauseous. He was upset that this meant Yagi was probably an angel and not a demon. He was kicking Yagi out.


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Sat Sep 02, 2023 10:22 pm
Kaia wrote a review...



Heya, Mercedes!
I have returned!

“Leave?” Sako asked. He coughed hard and cleared his throat, “But we can’t leave.”

Okay, that beginning had me hooked right away. The time skip there between the conversation with the Doctor and Yagi to the conversation between Yagi and Sako was stellar. No kidding. I love when chapters start with a snippet of dialogue. It gets the reader right there in the action without excess complication and boring narrative. Nicely done.

The conversation between Yagi and Sako was well done. It's obvious by Sako's questions that he's nervous about leaving and feels like his security is being taken from him (Is he an ISFJ?). Yagi is a lot more goal-oriented and although he is greatly concerned by the fact that his friend doesn't want to leave, he knows what needs to happen and is determined to get it done.

What I would try to improve on in this scene was description. There's a lot of rough dialogue here with no dialogue tags (ie "he said"). While a little of that is okay, it can get confusing about who is talking. Additionally, I feel like adding a little more description would break up the conversation so it's not just one block of conversation.

I especailly want to highlight that issue on this part:

“We’ll be separated?”

Friendship is a HUGE theme so far, so the thought of being separated either by death or by somebody in the organization or through running away is really shaking. I would really try to add intensity to this part by adding a little description of Sako's facial reaction and/or gestures, posture, etc, to really show that he's scared of this possibility.

This scene was all in all pretty heartbreaking. I feel pretty bad for Yagi now that his best friend is "kicking" him out. I feel like Sako is really suppressing feelings, and this could really get out of hand if he doesn't let it out. This sudden isolation is not a healthy behavior and I think Yagi is aware of that, but Yagi also knows that he cannot be the one to help Sako because he makes Sako sick by being around him. This is a very tough situation for someone with Yagi's personality, and weird as it may sound, I really relate to Yagi there. Great job making that one relatable, girl!

A few spelling typos I noticed. (sorry, I'm big on editing stuff here. ;))
He no longer had the equipment all hooked up to him but he was still styaing in the room in case he went downhill again.


Yagi could see the fear his friend alwardy had.


Sako sat straighter making him cough by the udden quick movement, “Wait, what? You can’t be around me?”


“What’s wrong now?” Doctor asked

“I smell something like blood but it’s making me really nauseous. I don’t know why.”

“Is it your blood causing this?” Yagi asked. He looked at Docotr, "Look, he just coughed some. "He


There are a few more. But those are the main ones. The last quote is missing a period after the first sentence, and then the letters in Doctor got fumbled up and there should be a space after the quotation marks and "he" at the end.

That's it for this one! If there are specific areas you'd like me to watch for, I can do that. ;) I'm just trying to make this as useful as possible. ;) And I hope it doesn't come across as mean. :)
-Kaia




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Tue May 30, 2023 1:51 pm
KateHardy wrote a review...



Hi! I'm here to leave a quick review!!

First Impression: Well it appears things do be moving forward at some pretty fast speeds here for the whole demon and angel arc and before we even get to them actually getting out and that whole arc we're having a slew of new issues to deal with well more like one massive issue with little complications alongside it.

Anyway let's get right to it,

“Leave?” Sako asked. He coughed hard and cleared his throat, “But we can’t leave.”

Yagi grabbed Sako’s forearm closest to him. He no longer had the equipment all hooked up to him but he was still styaing in the room in case he went downhill again. “Sako, if we stay here, they’ll kill us all. They’ve already started with you. Why do you think you're so sick?”

Sako gave him a skeptical look and pulled his arm away, “If they were killing me, I’d be dead years ago.”

Yagi frowned in disappointment, “I thought you wanted freedom.”


Ooooh well this is a little hurdle I wasn't expecting us to run into. I thought Sako would very much be all for doing their best to find a way out of there but it seems that's not to be because he's going ahead and trying to point out all of the reasons why it is a bad idea to just run out of there.

“Of course I do. But, Yagi, we don’t even know what’s out there. Who’s going to help us?”

“Doctor will. He’s going to bring us to this place called Bridston County. He’ll help us find homes.”

“We’ll be separated?”

“No, not us. We’ll be with him at his house until-”

“What if something goes wrong?” Sako asked.

Yagi could see the fear his friend alwardy had. He touched his shoulder comfortly, “Nothing will go wrong.”


Well I'm glad that despite everything seemingly falling into place there as it seems Doctor had given them quite a bit more of a plan than simply opening the door and letting them out we still see Sako being wary of things and knowing to remain grounded in the fact that things are really not set up to go too terribly well for them.

Sako pulled his arm away from Yagi as he defeatedly put his hands over his face, “A demon…I still can’t believe it." He pulled his hands down and shook his head, "I mean, I guess it makes sense but…”

“If it helps, you’re one of the friendliest demons I know.” Yagi said as he tried to encourage his friend.

Sako dropped his hands to his sides and scoffed as he looked at the blanket folded over his legs, “Gee, thanks. I feel so much better.” He said sadly.

There was an awkward silence. Sako cleared his throat and glanced at Yagi, “Do you think…you’ll be a demon?”

Yagi was wondering the same thing. He didn’t want to be. But he also knew that Sako did want him to be a demon so that he didn't have to go through this alone.


Well it looks like that's going to lead to a few awkward and potentially decisive conversations down the line between these two friends here. It might just end up causing trouble faster than we expect too given already we have pretty direct questions like these being asked from Sako who isn't exactly in the most stable position right now.

But he didn’t want to be half angel either. He just wanted to be normal.

Yagi shrugged and looked at the floor as he sat down in a seat next to Sako’s cot. “I have no idea.” He knew Sako wanted to ask if he wanted to be. So he answered one of the unspoken questions between them, “If being an angel means I can’t be around my best friend then I want to be a demon.”

Sako sat straighter making him cough by the udden quick movement, “Wait, what? You can’t be around me?”

Yagi shrugged, “I don’t know. It depends on what Doctor says. I mean, it would make sense. I mean, Sako, you went...insane.”

“Yeah but I'm better now!" He said. "They can't seperate us now. Yagi, we’re still brothers, right?”


Ooooh well that's an interesting one to look into there. The whole angels versus demons scenario certainly doesn't bode too terribly well for them there especially if Yagi is going to end up playing it super safe here like he's aiming for in this particular scenario.

“Yeah of course.”

Sako smiled before coughing more. He cleared his throat and wiped his mouth with the back of his hand. Yagi watched his eyes grow wide as he hid the hand under the blanket. Yagi stood up, “What’s wrong?”

“Nothing. I’m fine.” He mumbled. He quickly licked his lips, quickly revealing a black tint on his tounge.

Yagi grabbed the bloody hand and let go like Sako was a disease. Even though he knew demon blood was black, he still didn’t want to believe it.

Until now. He couldn't pretend he wasn't believing it anymore.


Well it looks like that's yet another barrier they are going to have to cross. Yagi definitely seems to have a little bit of a fear of Sako when it comes to the whole demon aspect of things despite the care and the love that he does seem to still have.

Sako’s hand had black blood on it from when he coughed. There wasn’t a trace of red blood anymore.

Sako looked ashamed, “I never asked to be a demon.”

Yagi called for Doctor and then turned to Sako. “Nobody did. It’s just…fate I guess?" He looked at the door and grew impatient. “Where is he?”

He walked over to the door and went to open it but Doctor came rushing in, accidentally grazing the door against Yagi’s arm, making it draw blood. Doctor quickly apologized to Yagi and then went to Sako.

“What’s wrong, Sakuro?”

“My blood is completely black now. I’m coughing up blood…again.” Sako closed his eyes and groaned as he pinched the bridge of his nose.


Okayy...well it seems maybe Yagi was also potentially concerned for the health issues that come with the fact that Sako is coughing up blood here but I have a feeling that was only the afterthought in this particular case. Well I'm sure we're going to found out before long.

“What’s wrong now?” Doctor asked

“I smell something like blood but it’s making me really nauseous. I don’t know why.”

“Is it your blood causing this?” Yagi asked. He looked at Docotr, "Look, he just coughed some. "He started to walk over to Sako, but stopped when his friend started to shake his head. He slid off the bed and staggered his way to the bathroom where he got sick.

Doctor rushed in to help him and the two came out, with Doctor helping Sako walk. Sako stopped walking, “No, stop. I’m nauseous again.”

“But, Sako, it doesn’t make any sense.” Doctor said.

Yagi walked forward when Sako put a hand against the bed and threw up onto the ground.


Well it looks like some form of the sickness that Sako was dealing before that whole rage scenario happened has just made a bit of a comeback there. That certainly does not seem to bode too terribly well for poor Sako here. Hopefully things end up getting a little better soon.

“Damn.” Sako said weakly after he had coughed up the last of it. “I don’t know why I’m so sick all of a sudden.”

Doctor helped him into his bed and called someone to come help clean up the mess.

Then it clicked in Yagi’s mind as he went to Sako but saw him immediately feel sick again. “Doctor, what if it’s me?”

“That’s ridiculous, Yagi.” Sako said without looking at him as he breathlessly got back in the cot.

“But I’m the only one who’s actually bleeding. The door rammed into my arm. Everytime I walk forward, you get sick. You said you smelled blood, right?”


Oooooh well this is an interesting one. I have a feeling the answer here is going to have something to do with the blood of an angel doing things to complicate matters for poor Sako here because the demon inside is having some sort of adverse reaction.

He shook his head, “Yagi, there’s no way you’re the reason.”

“Let’s test it.” Doctor said, completely igoring Sako's dismissal. “Yagi, let's step outside.”

They both did and Sako said he felt a little better. Doctor paused in thought for a second before using a small knife to secretly cut his arm and then walk back in with his arms casually behind him to hide the cut. “Do you still feel better, Sako?” He asked.

He nodded and Doctor walked back out. “Alright now I’m going to walk back in and you tell me if you feel bad. But close your eyes.”

Sako did and Yagi went in instead of Doctor. Sako closed his eyes tighter and groaned before Yagi could get more than half way in the room. “It’s back again.” He said as he shook his head.


Well that was actually quite the clever little test there. I wasn't expecting that situation to be resolved so simply and efficiently there but you do love to see a moment like that one. Although as lovely as that moment to solve that happened to be, the result here definitely doesn't bode too well for our duo here remaining an actual duo.

Yagi frowned as the pain set in. It really was because of him. He went back outside and Sako opened his eyes and looked at them with the hurt also obvious in him. “It’s Yagi isn’t it?”

Both solemnly nodded.

“I wonder why though.” Doctor said as he moved to a folder by the door. He glanced inside of it and thought for a moment. Bringing the folder with him he went to the door. “Let me bring in another boy. I want to test something.”

He left and Sako couldn’t meet Yagi’s eyes.

Yagi awkwardly stood by the door as the silence ticked by, “Maybe I can put something over my arm. Then maybe I won’t bother you?”

Sako was already shaking his head, “No. I can smell whatever it is in your blood over here. I don’t think it’s your blood. You must just be wearing something that has that smell.”


Okayy well that really has to have something to do with the whole angel angle especially with the way Sako is discussing it there. At the very least it looks like if the whole flow of blood part can be removed from the equation they can live together and its not that Sako can't stand Yagi in the room at all.

Yagi shurgged as he put a hand over the wound. He knew just as much as Sako that that theory wasn't true.

Doctor asked for Yagi to move away as he brought in two boys he had mentioned. One boy was taller than the other one and had slightly wavy brown hair and brown eyes. He looked to be around eighteen. The shorter one had dark skin and hair and piercing brown eyes and looked to be eighteen as well. Once the taller one got as close as twenty feet from Yagi he put a hand up to his nose. The shorter one didn’t.

Doctor put a hand on the shorter guy, “Branson, go in the next room with Yagi. Victor, come with me.”

Both boys looked super confused. Victor went with Doctor to see Sako. Branson and Yagi went to the other room and sat down at a table. Branson cleared his throat, “So are you an angel?” He asked to pass the time.


Well this is interesting one. I suppose we're seeing two of the other three in their section there. They do appear to be doing about as well as you could expect for people in their situation so this is proving to be an interesting little moment here. Let's see where this takes us.

Yagi simply shrugged. "I'm not sure."

“I haven’t seen you before.”

Again Yagi shrugged. He didn’t want to talk. He just wanted to see Sako and know what Doctor was doing.

“What’s your name?”

“Yashagami.” He answered flatly. Yagi impatiently tapped his foot as he waited to be called back.

"I'm Branson." The eighteen-year-old said as he stuck his hand out.

As Yagi went to shake his hand Doctor came back without Victor and asked Branson to follow him leaving Yagi alone in the room.


Well that was quite the awkward introduction there. Even though it feels very much like we're really never going to see Branson again you feel sorry for him to just get completely rejected like that when he was simply trying to make a little bit of conversation there.

Yagi hated this. Sako was lying. He knew it was Yagi. But Yagi wanted to believe it wasn't his blood, but he couldn't. It was impossible to do that.

Doctor came back and beckoned Yagi to follow him. When he entered the door to the room Branson gave him a warm smile, Victor looked annoyed and Sako refused to look in Yagi's dirrection.

"Come in, Yagi." Branson said as he walked towards him. "It's okay."

Yagi hesitated and watched Sako. Within two steps both Victor and Sako felt nauseous. Yagi backed out of the room and Victor put a hand to his nose, “Ugh. Angel blood. What did you do now, Branson?”

"I didn't do anything." Branson said defensively.


Well it looks like Victor and Branson get along quite well there and we're slowly coming to a conclusion on this little experiment which I'm sure is simply going to end with Yagi being considered most likely an angel, which really just seems pretty obvious from a story point of view so this is starting to get a tiny bit grating on the reader at least for me because it feels like too much time to come to a conclusion everyone would have already come to. The first experiment in detail was nice but the second feels like one too many and it could've been done in a simple summary.

“‘Angel blood’?” Yagi asked. "So it's true? That's what's making Sako sick?"

“Maybe. See, Branson is half angel.” Doctor explained, “I have a theory you are too based on all of this. For whatever reason whenever half demon’s smell angel blood they become disgusted. Victor and Branson are the only ones to experience this- being that other than you and Sako, Yagi, they were also the only ones to have cells next to each other- so I didn’t think much of it when this first occused witht the two. But now you and Sako also have that. It’s possible that we just now discovered a new way to find out if someone is a demon or angel.”

Sako groaned quietly and tried to get out of bed, “Everyone needs to leave. I can’t take this anymore. The blood is too strong."

"It's not that bad." Victor said.

Yagi stepped forward, "But, Sako, if it's true--"


Well it looks like they've come to a bit of an extra conclusion on the smell. I thought that would've been something of a more commonly known thing but it appears that maybe this is something that's just being discovered in this new batch for whatever reason. At the very least it does seem to have some uses although now it looks like Sako is a little irrated again.

"I said 'leave', Yahsagami. Go." His friend replied sternly. "And I didn't ask for your imput, Victor."

As Doctor ended the arguement that suddenly started between Sako and Victor, Yagi left and headed back to the other room.

Yagi could tell it wasn’t just that Sako wanted him to leave because he was feeling nauseous. He was upset that this meant Yagi was probably an angel and not a demon. He was kicking Yagi out.


Well I think Yagi summed that one up really quite well there on behalf of me. It seems that little conflict in their relationship arrived soon just like I thought it might. Well that's not your typical cliffhanger but it most definitely is potentially even more powerful than your normal cliffhanger.

Aaaaand that's it for this one.

Overall: Overall another lovely chapter. Maybe one or two moments here I felt were dragged on a bit longer than they needed to be but otherwise for the most part it was pretty solid and I am loving how much tension we seem to build with each chapter as things just get worse and worse. Well I'm looking forward to seeing what will happen next.

As always remember to take what you think was helpful and forget the rest.

Stay Safe
Kate




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Wed May 24, 2023 10:03 pm
vampricone6783 wrote a review...



Yagi didn’t choose to be an angel, just like Sako didn’t choose to be a demon. Yagi didn’t want to make Sako sick, he cares about him. This is kind of sad, but there are a few more chapters left, so maybe the tables will turn. I’m interested to see how Victor and Branson are going to be.

I’ll check out the other chapters.

I hope that you will have a fabulous day/night.




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Tue May 23, 2023 12:38 pm
MerleBlackbird wrote a review...



Aw come on! I had a feeling this might happen, but it's still super sad to see it. I really hate that Sako and Yagi's friendship is being affected by something completely out of their control. I feel sorry for both of them, but I wish Sako would realize how hard this is on Yagi already - even without the extra pressure that Sako is adding because Yagi is half angel, not half demon. I really hope they can work this out and get through this, because I would hate to see their friendship fall apart over something that neither of them caused. I also really hope they decide to take Doctor up on his offer and leave this horrible place. It's also rather sad that this may be the first time that Yagi and Sako are meeting other boys like them, but it's at such a bad time that they can't enjoy it or even be curious about it.

This was another compelling chapter, the story is going very well! Once again if I was to suggest any changes/improvements, I would suggest TRYING to slow down and really describe things. I do see an improvement here in this chapter, where I can tell you spent more time on really telling what is happening and what the reader should be imagining. But I still think you can really sap these angsty parts for everything they're worth! Don't be afraid to dig deep into the little details about what everyone is thinking, feeling, and doing. You can bring a tremendous amount of information across just by describing small actions (by that I mean things like twitching fingers, smarting eyes, subtle changes in lip expressions, etc)

I know it took me forever to finally finish reading this chapter - I read it in like three little different parts because I kept getting interrupted. But I finally finished! Annnnnd I look forward to the next chapter!




SkyVibes says...


Yes it is definitely hard on Yagi. Unfortunately Sako doesn't really think about how others are mentally handing a situation when he's frustrated and upset.

Yeah I kinda had a feeling this chapter was a little fast

That's understandable lol.
I'm glad you were able to finish the chapter though!

-Mercedes




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