Where we belong is where we go,
But belong where do we?
The alleyways of silent childhood
Stretching and stretching on;
Walking where laughter’s of merry me
Rang, resounded in all clarity,
Like celebrating a merry feast.
Or the heady walkways of youth
Filled with my sighs and longings
Where I felt stones —
As heavy as boulders big,
Such heavy fortune on lean shoulders
Grieving of lost was on tender me!
****
Where we belong, where belong, oh me?
There, where silent footsteps
Thumped in equal silence, lingering?
Shoulders slumped with hazy days,
Dragging an unfeeling leg, called responsibility
Things that mattered – though not to me.
Oh! I ask all, but none answered me
For, as ready as I was for
Long walks and a dreary journey
I hastened my pace, my face
Betraying my newborn curiosity
Widening in my lips and teeth
As I reached towards
The place that thought I, called for me.
****
Say you – all that are lore’s of past
Days gone long and forgone, like settled dust
Should be swept away, as roads had changed
The naked earth had worn the veil of shame.
New paths have unravelled
With such pace, occasions, oh! So frequently
Like tresses tumbling with bounty loveliness
An entangled mess of a maiden’s novelty.
But in my dreams that last longer
Longer than cagey, stifling, nightmares
I feel the echo – echo of my silent past
Grieving, reproaching, shouting, silently
As if saying, the silence that stretches
Stretches farther and farther as I see
Is the corner, the solace, only place
Where belongs this silent me.
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
125,009 Literary Works • 672,838 Reviews
Hello! This was a very enjoyable read! It was extremely interesting and overall a good story.
I liked the way you phrased everything. It makes it seem as though it's old English or something slimiler.
Over all, It is great story and I do like the wording but it makes everything a bit confusing and hard to understand. Also, I find your punctuation and grammar to be little off as well.
So, I'd say this was a good poem and I hope to read more of your writing soon.
Hi @Shikora here with a review.
First I love reading this work. The way your put together the words you chose is really good. Well done.
Now this sentence (Where we belong is where we go,) It needs a full stop, or (But belong where do we?) this sentence doesn't need a capital.
(The alleyways of silent childhood
Stretching and stretching on;)
The stretching doesn't need the capital.
(Rang, resounded in all clarity,
Like celebrating a merry feast.
Or the heady walkways of youth
Filled with my sighs and longings)
The like in the second sentence doesn't need the capital ether, and the full stop at the end of the second sentence doesn't need to be there. It should be a comma because the or in the next sentence is a joining word. The longings at the end of the lest sentence should have a full stop.
When your sentence has a comma at the end of it the next sentence shouldn't have a capital in the front. And when your sentence starts with a and, or, but and a because it shouldn't have a capital letter, and the sentence before it should have a comer.
Sorry to sound like a pain. It's things like that you have to look out for. You can make that mistake all the time but not notes it. But over all I really like reading your work. It was a very interesting work.
I hope you keep writing and have a good day.
You friend @Shikora! Happy review day.
Wendy here to review your poem!
The title drew me to your poem, and I really enjoyed it! But there are some things that would have made it better and easier to read.
As I read your work, I noticed some grammatical irregularities. In some parts, there are sudden commas or em-dashes that interrupt the sentence flow of the poem. The sentence will be going and then it stops and going to the next line. Then it gives off the feeling that you should pause and breath for a second but it's actually the same sentence from before.
Your choice of words is excellent, and the moral of the poem is great. Hope to see more in the future!
-Wendy