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Wonderland - Insomnia

by MeltMyHappiness


This was both hard to name and hard to place. Where it should go was a big conundrum for me and what I should call it was an even bigger one. I suffer from Insomnia and what this was in the first two lines was going to be a description of what it's like and well I kind of spun off from my original intention and started talking about nights as a whole for me. I doubt this would be similar to everyone or even anyone with insomnia, it makes sense to me. Wonderland is just to state the extreme nature of the piece. 

The tossing and turning never stopped, the night was a seemingly endless abyss of terror and sadness. I like the darkness, I never used to, but now it’s my friend – it calls to me and I call to it, that’s the way we like it. When I was younger I used to ask mother to keep the door open ajar, I would go into hysterics if she ever tried to close it, they terrified me, but now I know them and they know me, we’re in love you see. The demons at my door come knocking and I let them in, there’s no hiding from them, but there is the torment one gets when they are left at the door, that everlasting sadness that dwells over them like a cloud that sends thunderbolts out when it’s feeling a little extra peculiar. Let them in, it’s cold outside and they don’t like to be kept waiting, let them torment your life and see what they have in store for you, in the end the demons at the door aren’t even nearly as bad as the devil in the closet. I lied before, I do dream, I also nightmare, I usually nightmare, but I can never remember, well actually I do, it’s just what I remember that is the question on my mind. The dreams aren’t dreams in my mind, they’re memories, whether they happened or not – that doesn’t change the fact they are still memories. When daylight haunts the curtains and the drumroll starts, the dreams seem to become my reality you see, I have a hard time telling between to two – reality and dream reality, what the night gives me. The dreams essentially are a gift, unfortunately for me they are in the form of a curse; when one does not know the difference between dream and reality, one starts to lose their reality just a little bit. Reality is boring, reality is real, but real is boring and the only way I know my dreams are dreams is because they aren’t boring or they would be real. They give me what I want – so they’re a gift – but they also tell me what I want even if I don’t know it and seemingly set me up for a punchline that never comes – hence the curse. Life can be spend wallowing away in the endless chasm of reality, or the sleep can kick in and the world of your dreams and nightmares can come true, now that’s the real gift. Half of the day is spend awake and the other half sleeping, what’s really true now then, it’s really a tie. Maybe those moments when you are roaming the world of the boring, the living and the mortal is the break you need from the real world, not the reality but the dream. When sleep isn’t granted then the ultimate gift has been forfeited, it has been thrown away, you can’t stay in the break for too long, daylight isn’t forever. The break gets boring, it’s an interlude you see, a break from the big show and you’re the star only if you want to be. There’s no audition for your grand scheme, there just is, because when the sun leaves the sky then you are free, you are the king of your own little nightmare. The world is a cage, there you can roam as much as you want and not even know you’re trapped, and that’s the beauty of it. When bed is called, one feels like they are locked away for hours on end, when they couldn’t be any more wrong. When your eyes shut and you let the blackness of the night dwell inside of you, you see a wonderland and a nightmare all in one fantastical blend. That is true freedom, when the world is yours not for the living, not for the taking but for the creating, because it’s your world. The night is a great ocean that spans as far as your imagination will stretch and your bed is your ship, your bearing has been set for your wildest and most horrific dream and all you need to do is get a captain. The gates are open but only for the unknowing, those are the ones that are allowed to stay, those who know the meticulously planned deeds of the ghosts in the starlight cannot come in. That’s why I cannot sleep you see, I am forced out of that world and into my cage, the cage is where I live and the darkness is where I revel. The petty substitutes the world gives to us are only mere glimpses of what awaits, but my captain is dead and my ship is broken, it makes me think it works and changes my bearing without my knowledge. I lost my love and I know where she is, all I have to do is close my eyes, but I can’t. I know. 


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16 Reviews


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Mon Mar 23, 2015 4:18 am
Ranay333 wrote a review...



Hello,

I'm Ranay

I was greatly impressed with this. You turned the subject into your own twist of things and it showed a lot of deep meaning. When you talked about the darkness and how it turned into your friend I noticed that it feels like its "You" somehow when I read it. Either way I hope you keep writing and that it continues to be great just like this one.

Can't wait

^^




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30 Reviews


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Thu Mar 05, 2015 2:02 am
Teacake013 wrote a review...



Hi
it's me teacake013 here to review.

I know it takes a lot to publish you're works so I respect that completely.

I thoroughly and truthfully enjoy your work it was awsome and has the title wonder land so it affically awesome.

In you're work pacifically I enjoyed how you chose a topic that was awsome I'm kinda Geelong out over this awsome poece of work but other than that an observation I got was that you end-stop all lines instead of using enjambment -- where the grammatical sense continues beyond the line end onto the next line -- which can make a big difference to the flow but also I must say even tho it great writing the set up of this writing is not the best.

But other than that awsome,I'm following you now because of this.

Hope you keep on improving and writing you're heart out!.!

Love , Teacake013



Random avatar


Thanks, Teacake. I love the name Wonderland too, I wish I could come up with something better than Insomnia but I'll have to do a bit more thinking.
I do realize from an grammatical and literary standpoint this has a long way to go, this was just more for the journey.
Thank's for the review! I will sort out what exactly my style will be when I publish something else, I'll make sure it's in some sort of format that suits it.
Anyways I was just posting this to see if people liked the world in my head, it's encouraging to see that people think what I think is awesome is awesome too! Thanks!



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30 Reviews


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Wed Mar 04, 2015 9:55 pm
Inked wrote a review...



In the beginning paragraph you lost me, for me the wording of the first two sentences was really good, but then it got all crazy.
the description you give of the night. Not being afraid. Knowing it and allowing it to know you Is a nice thing. I like it. It is well worded, and precise. I can almost see you craft your words. Handpicked from the finest.
there is a misspelling, spend is supposed to be spent.
this is really nice piece of work. I can see the contrast. You make it perfectly. When you start going into dreams and reality, you really drew me in there. I like the concept of dreams being memories. It's really intriguing.
that last part is confusing, but the words are so beautiful I don't even seem to care. I was originally planning on reading half of this and only review ing the half, but you captured me. You intrigued me.
thank you for that small bliss of wonder.
~Inked



Random avatar


Hey Inked,
Intrigued is good for me! I know the whole thing was a little crazy, I'm surprised anyone really liked it at all, I thought it was going to be one of those things that was only so hauntingly beautiful for me. I am so glad you read the whole thing, I get a little weird and mindbogglingly expressive but it makes me so happy that even past all that you could see something you enjoyed and found as you said it, intriguing.
Wonder is what I aimed for, I'm glad I could deliver :)
Thanks!




I exist as I am, that is enough
— Walt Whitman