Death by WHAT!!?! (screenplay)

I can't get the format right in the forum. So I'm trying to use colors in order seperate the different parts of the script and make it easier to read.

The transitions are green, sluglines-blue, action-black, angles-orange, dialogue-red, credits-violets,

DEATH BY . . . WHAT??!!?

FADE IN:

INT. WAR COORDINATOR .004 -- SPACE

CAPTAIN KLINKO lay sleeping in his cabin. FUMES rise from the floor.

INT. WAR COORDINATOR .004 -- CONTINUOUS

FIRST MATE SELENZIO lay sleeping in his cabin. FUMES rise from the floor.

INT. WAR COORDINATOR .004 -- CONTINUOUS

DOCTOR ARMENIA lay sleeping in her cabin. FUMES rise from the floor.

CUT TO:

INT. WAR COORDINATOR .004 -- CONTINUOUS

KLINKO, a tall muscular man about 32, sits abruptly up in bed and grins maniacally. He's wearing a white muscle shirt over his rippling chest. The room is dark.

CUT TO:

INT. WAR COORDINATOR .004 -- CONTINUOUS

Everybody's up and in chaos. KLINKO and SELENZIO have huge guns in their hands and are shaking them threateningly and at their CREW while laughing hysterically.

KLINKO

Take 'em to the Detention Cells!

He throws his head back and laughs. SELENZIO, younger than KLINKO but more handsome with his floppy, brown hair and green eyes, grins as he nods.

SELENZIO

Follow me.

They all bumble along with no fear as if they expected this to happen. SELENZIO follows with a huge gun in one hand and a sneer across his lips. Once SELENZIO and the CREW are gone KLINKO flops down at the missiles, pegs an asteroid, and laughs about it.

KLINKO

(mumbling)

Damn government scoundrels

INT. WAR COORDINATOR .004,DETENTION CELLS -- CONTINUOUS

SELENZIO drives the CREW/PRISONERS into cells. They don't fuss. Once they're all in, the cells detach and all of them get away. SELENZIO yells loudly and pushes his hair back as if it's clouding his vision.

SELENZIO

What??!!! Where are you going??!! Come back?!!?

INT. WAR COORDINATOR .004 -- CONTINUOUS

SELENZIO runs up to the deck where he finds KLINKO pinning ARMENIA, a beautifully delicate blond women in her early twenties, to the wall. She looks distraught and scared; her face is turned from his. He's advancing on her with an evil grin.

When SELENZIO runs in he pulls away and clears his throat. She melts to the wall and breathes heavily.

KLINKO

Yes, M'boy?

SELENZIO

Captain, I . . . the. . . prisoners have escaped.

KLINKO jumps to attention with a look of surprise.

KLINKO

What?!? All of them??!?!

SELENZIO hangs his head in shame.

SELENZIO

Yes captain, all of them.

KLINKO shakes with anger. ARMENIA flinches with his anger.

KLINKO

How did you let 50 prisoners escape?

SELENZIO

I don't know. I put them in the cells like you asked and when they were in, the cells . . . detached . . .

Confusion is on both of their faces.

KLINKO

Detached, eh?

KLINKO scratches his chin and thinks deeply. ARMENIA tries to slink off somewhere, but he grabs her by the neck and pulls her under his arm.

KLINKO

Where do you think you're going?

Her hair is spread all over her face all over her face. Through the strands her red and welling eyes are apparent. KLINKO is staring down at her menacingly with a glint of light in his eyes.

ARMENIA

I just thought I'd . . .

She lets out a sob and gives up. He relaxes his grip a bit.

KLINKO

That's what I thought.

He lets ARMENIA go; she goes off in a corner somewhere, sobbing. KLINKO gives his attention back to SELENZIO, who is standing only a few feet away and not even reacting to ARMENIA's behavior and situation.

KLINKO

Anyway, the only person in the known universe who would dare cross me is Georgio

Pauses for effect but SELENZIO looks confused so he continues hastily.

KLINKO

The president of the Walnut System.

SELENZIO looks like he understands but then he's confused again.

SELENZIO

Forgive me Captain but the cells . . .detached. Please explain.

KLINKO points a finger at SELENZIO.

KLINKO

Ahhhhh . . but you see young First Mate, he has ways. Little people!!!! He got those

He flashes a look of pure hatred toward the LITTLE PEOPLE.

KLINKO

Little people to break into our ship and mess with our detainment cells right under her noses.

A look of understanding falls over SELENZIO's face and stays there as a grin slowly appears.

SELENZIO

Are we gonna get him?

KLINKO laughs and pats SELENZIO on the back, hard.

KLINKO

Do pigs fly?

They both laugh, hysterically, throwing their heads back.

CUT TO:

EXT. WAR COORDINATOR .004 -- CONTINUOUS

The ship drifts by a greenish-looking planet. Through the window on the front of the ship KLINKO is steering and grinning.

SELENZIO is hanging off a cord off of the side of the ship in space gear, painting a skull and crossbones. He's laughing and because he's laughing the inside of his helmet is getting all fogged up and he can't see, but he keeps laughing anyway.

INT. WAR COORDINATOR .004 -- CONTINUOUS

KLINKO prepares to dock the ship and turns to ARMENIA. She cowers back onto the wall and lets out a small whimper. He continues to walk towards her.

KLINKO

It's time, Dr. Armenia, time to take the bastards out.

He pins her to the wall, tears poor down her face; he only laughs at her.

KLINKO

How would you like to be my queen? You would make a beautiful queen.

ANGLE ON KLINKO'S LAUGHING FACE.

DOCTOR SANEMISS V.0.

Whoa! Hold up!!

CUT TO:

INT. MESSY LAB -- MOMENTS LATER

DOCTOR SANEMISS, a short stub of a man with neatly contained gray hair and black, round, John Lennon style, wire-rimmed glasses with thick lenses and wearing a tie-died lab coat enters the VIEW. He's pushing a chalkboard into the VIEW and laughing quietly and good-naturedly.

SANEMISS

I bet you're wondering what THAT was all about!

His accent is a bit Romanian or something similar. He laughs some more, picks up a piece of chalk, and . . .

SANEMISS

Well it's all very simple.

Suddenly he breaks off into a tangent, writing complicated equations and explaining very fast as if he doesn't really want anyone to understand them but feels the need to say them anyway. Slowly he stops, puts the chalk down, and claps the dust off of his hands.

SANEMISS

Alright, now your explanation.

He starts rummaging through some shelves in a corner. After a moment he pulls out a sheet, projector, and a box of slides. He throws the sheet over the chalkboard kind of askew. A puff a chalk dust follows. Then he puts a slide in the projector.

SANEMISS

Let there be dark!!!

He claps his hands and the lights go off. Then he giggles.

SANEMISS

I love that. Anyway, it all began with this. . .

On the sheet-covered chalkboard a can, that clearly reads "Carpet Adhesive", appears. SANEMISS laughs hysterically.

SANEMISS

Yes, that's what it says, "Carpet Adhesive."

He giggles again.

SANEMISS

The government of the Walnut System, you see, wanted some kind of new chemical warfare to combat something not even I

Gestures to himself.

SANEMISS

Know about. Soooo . . . they hired me to devise it. I normally don't like to create chemicals that kill people, but this one had great pay so I took it.

He takes a deep breath.

SANEMISS

To test my wonderful creation they put it in the carpet adhesive of the cabins of Klinko, Selenzio, and Armenia, sent them off to a nonexistent war, and, well, all this resulted.

He flips a switch on the projector and a playback of KLINKO laughing and shooting at satellites comes up on the sheet. SANEMISS looks at it and sighs.

SANEMISS

Well, I wonder if you're wondering if the title of this film rings true. . . .

A morbid look crosses his face then he starts laughing.

SANEMISS

No, no, no President Smith is sending troops to collect them at this very moment before they invade the Walnut System and assassinate President Georgio

When he says President Georgio he uses air quotes.

SANEMISS

Who is a ferret. I don't know where they got it from but Georgio is President Walnut's pet ferret.

He shrugs.

SANEMISS

I know what you're thinking and your answer's no, nobody was actually hurt, and yes, Klinko, Armenia, and Selenzio are fine.

He stops for a moment to think, then giggles a little.

SANEMISS

The only real damage done was to my benefactors. Twenty-nine government satellites were shot out of space.

Laughs and sits up on the counter next to a large vile of bubbling blue goo.

SANEMISS

Let me tell you, they won't be doing any experimenting on warships for quite sometime.

He jumps off of the counter picks up another slide and places it in the projector.

SANEMISS

Everything turned out hunky dory, as they say, so I shall leave you with this . . .

He flips a switch on the projector and . . .

FADE OUT

END CREDITS ROLE

FADE IN:

INT. ASYLUM - - UNKNOWN

ANGLE ON KLINKO'S LAUGHING FACE.

Two burly men in are carrying a scraggly looking KLINKO through a completely white hallway through a door into a padded room. The men are dressed in white as well. KLINKO is laughing hysterically and struggling against his captors.

KLINKO

They can't keep me in here forever Georgio! I'll get you!!!!!

SANEMISS walks into the hallway from somewhere, shrugs and sighs.

SANEMISS

So I was mistaken.

FADE OUT: