Young Writers Society

Hi! I'm just here for a quick review.

So... I really liked this poem. The metaphors and symbolism were just right, neither too obvious nor too subtle. I loved that.

I felt the lines were lacking a little continuity, but surprisingly, that didn't distract from the poem, it somehow added to the rhythm. You don't see a poem like that every day, so hats off to you!

I really liked the last part:

Help me roar it out

Before it tears my heart apart

Calm me, soothe me

Give me one good night

I want to feel one more time

How it feels to walk

Happy in the rain

Everything about this poem was simply perfect! The alignment, the spacing, the title, flow, principle... just right.

I have no critiques to this poem.

Keep Writing!

Hey MellyBourne!
I loved this poem!
It had a lot of extremely powerful symbolism, which you have expressed in a beautiful way.

The two paragraphs are kind of contradictory, but they still sit side by side in perfect harmony. Hats off to you for that!

I loved this part:

A hand full of aces

But no more strength to play

It's such a strong feeling, of being too tired to even move, tired of getting your heart broken over and over again. <3

I also liked this part:

I've ran out of parts to play

And now there's just one

The grey cold kind of rain

On the whole, it was a wonderful poem, and I didn't find any errors or clunky bits. Can't wait to read more of your work.

Keep writing.

Akanbright here for another review. I really love the poem and the way you aligned it to suit the context of the poem.moreover, I don't think the poem's perfect. Then three stanzas are contradictory and have a different idea all together. Only the second atanza that really suited the title of the poem, and I think that is wrong and shouldn't be. The previous one was way better than this. I think words should be chosen for their sounds and the images which they suggests and not just for their obvious meanings. I'm sure you will definitely understand what it is I am trying to say. Maybe next time, you should use words in the right order, so they do not cause any misconception of ideas.
I love the way you expressed rain as being in two fold. I've never thought of that and thank you for teaching me, I appreciate it.
Things aren't just there to happen, they are made and sometimes forced to happen. Our writing skills are in our hands and I would use this medium to say that writing is what everyone should infact do.
Thank you for writing this down. I love it and sincerely hope to review more of your works.
Thank you again.

Heyo! Ilium here for a quick review!
This poem was amazing! It had so much symbolism and so much power in it, I really wanted it to keep going.
(It was a good length though, you don't need to feel obligated to continue it)
The first stanza was my favorite. It made me think of someone who is a really great person but inside they are broken, and if you were meaning to do that, you did it very well! My favorite line was "a hand full of aces". That was on point!
Though "a heart full of webs" threw me off a little to be honest. It seemed to go against the tone you were originally having, with all the strength in the world but no will to use it. I might be misunderstanding the line and the stanza (if so, I'm really sorry) but maybe you could change that line to something like "a heart still beating" or "a heart beating strong"? I don't know, the choice is up to you!
I don't even have any criticism for the second and third stanzas. They were so good! Really good job on this one
Two things before I go: 1, your writing style is really good, keep up the good work! and 2, if you really did get your heart broken recently, I'm sorry
Peace and Tacos be with you!