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Something he once said

by Mel_pourout


I was talking to my friend that always supports me in whatever I do and I realized I might not show my appreciation for him as much as I should.

Do you know what your love language is? I'm not quite sure which one is mine.

My friends love language is expressing it through words. I really like how he tells me I'm appreciated and loved and that it doesn't matter if I keep being a couch potato when I feel down.

This boy can say some pretty cool things.

A while back I was struggling because of my home life, I believed that I wasn't good for anything yet I still wanted to move forward and do something with my life. My best bud noticed me strugling for so long. Carson saw me freaking out one day and he pulled me aside and said, "don't worry about doing great things, just live your life." That lifted so much weight off my shoulders. Thanks for that man. 

He's been an amazing friend to me and sure I may make him laugh, but am I doing enough to make him happy to be my friend?

He also said once, "great things don't come in minutes, it takes time." and I agree. 

Thank you Carson for putting up with me, you dork. 


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138 Reviews


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Mon Jul 20, 2020 8:37 pm
Hkumar wrote a review...



Hello there!

I am here to review your short story. This felt like a personal piece where you mentioned about this boy Carson and his importance in the life of the narrator. You wrote about some of his sayings and beliefs that were quite meaningful and motivational. May be you intended it to be some form of diary entry, I am not quite sure. It was like a small token of appreciation for this boy who had a significant role in keeping the narrator motivated and being a firm support in his or her life.

The self-doubt that the narrator is having regarding whether he/she is being able to return the same happiness and love that Carson has shown. Whether the narrator is as good friend to him or not. These things did remain unanswered though the little information that we get to know about his character makes me believe it is just the narrator's thinking that makes her doubt her side of friendship. May be that's what happens when we get such a precious person in our lives that we begin to have second thoughts as whether we deserved such a good person in our lives or not.

As for critique, some of the minor mistakes were already pointed out by previous reviewers. Other than that here are some suggestions.

My friends love language is expressing it through words.

friend's
"Don't worry about doing great things, just live your life."

It's better to capitalize the first letter of dialogue. Same thing with another dialogue you used.

Overall I felt it was a nice and sweet piece of writing and I enjoyed it. Keep sharing your work with us.

Great work!




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Sat Jul 11, 2020 9:53 am
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soundofmind wrote a review...



Hey there Mel!

This is a really sweet story about your friend. It sounds like Carson is a really cool guy, and I'm glad you have such a kind friend around to encourage you.

Formatting-wise, this feels almost like a letter. At some points, you address us (the readers) and at the end, you talk to Carson directly. I don't think it's a huge problem, but I think it's good to keep in mind who you're talking to and make sure you have a clear idea of who the audience is.

I feel like the little stories you included in this, even though it is really brief, do a good job of giving us an idea of who Carson is. His quotes give insight into his perspective of life, and it's great that things he's said to you have stuck with you so vividly.

Overall, it's a really nice little snippet of your friendship with Carson and I quite like it! It's simple and sweet.

I wonder though, regarding this sentiment:

...I realized I might not show my appreciation for him as much as I should.

...am I doing enough to make him happy to be my friend?

This question of whether you're doing enough or showing your appreciation for him enough remains unresolved. While I understand this is a very personal poem, from a writer's standpoint it feels kind of like this question is thrown in there and never given an answer. For a piece this short, I wonder if maybe you could add more to it exploring the answer to this question. You mentioned love languages in the beginning, but kind of left it there. Yes, you tell us how Carson is big on encouragement and give us examples of that, but maybe you could explore how you feel like you show your appreciation and love even though you're not sure!

It would be cool to see you add onto the story with some self-reflection and include more specific little stories/examples throughout like you've been doing with Carson.

All in all, nice story! If you have any questions, feel free to ask! Keep writing! :)

-soundofmind




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Sat Jul 11, 2020 12:41 am
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HarryHardy wrote a review...



Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),

Aand Hi. A late welcome to YWS. I'm here to leave a review.

First Impression: Well that was really short so not a lot for me to say. But I'll do my best. It conveyed some decent emotion there. I think you managed to get across a point. And it does a good job showing the two characters.

Anyway let's get right to it,

I was talking to my friend that always supports me in whatever I do and I realized I might not show my appreciation for him as much as I should.


That should be not be showing..

My friends love language is expressing it through words. I really like how he tells me I'm appreciated and loved and that it doesn't matter if I keep being a couch potato when I feel down.


This was a pretty nice sentiment here. It tells us quite a bit about our main character in this friends even in this tiny paragraph so good job there.

A while back I was struggling because of my home life, I believe that I wasn't good for anything yet I still wanted to move forward and do something with my life. My best bud noticed me strugling for so long. Carson saw me freaking out one day and he pulled me aside and said, "don't worry about doing great things, just live your life." That lifted so much weight off my shoulders. Thanks for that man.


That should be believed.

He's been an amazing friend to me and sure I may make him laugh, but am I doing enough to make happy to be my friend?


You need to add a him before happy.

Thank you Carson for putting up with me, you dork.


Pretty neat ending line.

Aaand that's it.

Overall: So like I said earlier we did get a good idea of the thing that you are trying to communicate. You showed the friendship that these two characters share pretty well. And it does a good job of what it's trying to do. Nice little story overall.

As always remember to take what you think was helpful and forget the rest.

Stay Safe
Harry

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History repeats itself. First as tragedy, second as farce.
— Karl Marx