z

Young Writers Society


E - Everyone

0.3 - Prologue

by MeherazulAzim16


We are human beings. And it's in our nature to fear the unknown. It may not be the only reason but it's one of those reasons why we always try to find a rational explanation, whenever we experience something unlikely.

When one claims to have witnessed a miracle, someone will come up and say that It was nothing but a coincidence. If someone claims to have experienced a psychic phenomenon like a 'vision of future', either he will be called a fraud who is trying to prove himself to be a psychic or someone will suggest him to consult a therapist stating that it was just a hallucination! It is sheer fact. 

But I would like to ask why. Is it because we believe that everything has a rational explanation or is it that everything is supposed to have an explanation? You cannot be sure of it without evidence. 

Well do you buy that paranormaility is an impossibility? Or is it that you simply pretend to believe so, just to feel safer? I would like you to take a deep breath and think about it for a moment....

I don't know what you answers and thoughts are, but believe me, the truths all around us waiting to be disclosed, to be accepted. We know them, at least our subconsciousness does but just doesn't believe the informations to be trustworthy for the lack of proof. But believe me, a day will come when each and every living person of that moment will know the facts, the truths, the possibilities to everything. How? Because they will have proof. Believe me, I know. Well, one thing is for sure, that day is not today nor tomorrow because if it was, you won't be reading this now or maybe you already have..

Well, I don't know if I have much time left but I have so much to say. In my life I have faced some incredible facts. Believe it or not, each of us is destined to do something. We can't change either what we have done or what we are to do as fate is constant. Fate has spoken for you before you have opened your eyes for the first time. You might find these facts boring, nonsense, foolish but that is how facts are and that is why they are facts. And as it is, these facts are what my story is all about. So let's push the boredom away for a while by getting started! Let's make you aware of my current status first..

Um.. apparently, I am in another dimension, unknown location, never mind, I didn't bother to ask Xerz about where I am being sent because of my desperation, yeah you are right I was a fool to do such thing! 

Now I have stopped my time just like I have done so many times before, it is more like I am doing so much thing with my mind in less than an attosecond. Well, I have sent my consciousness to the younger me to write about incidents that actually happened, yes, I am writing now. But I can also see where I actually am standing in the other dimension. There are small pebbles, lots of them all around, the sky is very dark, there is a castle or a big mansion in front me made of possibly metal and ice, weird, and there are hundreds of dead bodies all around too, those are of the guard whom I killed.. I.. I didn't mean to.. I.. just couldn't control my rage.. and just few moments ago the person, whom I have looking for to avenge all he did to me came out of the castle and ironically and surprising kneeled before me and started crying loudly, it was unexpected , he said "Please..please forgive me for what I did, don't kill me, what have you become.. You can't live with it.. no, let me go.." I know he is playing me again, well you have no idea about this creature. And well now I have this weapon given to me by Xerz that can finish this creature once and for all but I thought he would challenge me and I will defeat him but..he is begging for mercy. He is trying to distract me. I don't know whether to kill him now or not. I am puzzled and you will know why.

So now I need you to make a decision, I will know what decision you make.. But before anything I need you to know everything about me.. everything.. because I need your thoughts.. Keep reading, It's the story of my life.. I think somebody coming to my room, I am in the 16 year old me's body, remember? I will right about it later in my diary.

To be continued.....


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Mon Sep 07, 2015 12:53 am
Dracula wrote a review...



Heya, MeherazulAzim16! Welcome to the website. :D

We are human beings. And it's in our nature to fear the unknown. It may not be the only reason but it's of those reasons why we always try to find a rational explaination, whenever we experience something unlikely.
This is a really great opening paragraph! I definitely agree with what you're saying; that's why people label mythical beasts and magic and all that as fictional- because it scares them. The only thing I would change is where you say but it's of those reasons... I would replace 'of' with 'because' to make it flow better.

say that It was nothing but a co-incident
Coincidence*

Or is it that you simply pretend to believe so, so that you just feel safer?
I would get rid of one of the 'so's, just to make this sentence less repetitive. It could become to make you feel safer.

I don't know what you answers and thought are,
Your*

Now have stopped my time, perhaps I am doing so much thing with my mind in less than a attosecond.
You might want to look over this line, some things don't make sense.

I can relate to this on so many levels. Humans have no idea what is out there because they're just too scared to believe what's right in front of them. You put forth some good arguments, and generally your writing was good. Just fix some of those nitpicks I pointed out. I know this is the beginning of a short story, but I can see this being a really good speech. Nice job!




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Sun Sep 06, 2015 9:11 am
Panikos wrote a review...



Hi, MeherazulAzim16. I'm Pan and I'll be sautéing up a review for you today.

We are human beings. And it's in our nature to fear the unknown.


Great opening! Strong, solid and simple, automatically creating an atmosphere. I can tell what kind of vibe your story is going to have from this intro alone.

When one claims to have witnessed a miracle, someone will come up and say that It was nothing but a co-incident.


Two things here. One, I think you mean 'coincidence'. Two, maybe try and make this sentence a bit more concise? Instead of saying 'someone will come up and say' why don't you write 'someone will tell them it was nothing but a coincidence'? It less long-winded.

It is just shere fact.


It's spelt 'sheer', but I don't thing it's quite the right adjective. You could write 'it's just a fact' instead and that would be effective enough.

I don't know what you answers and thought are, but believe me, the truths all around us waiting to be disclosed, to be accepted. We know them, at least our sub-consciousness does but just doesn't believe the informations to be trustworthy for the lack of proof. But believe me, a day will come when each and every living person of that moment will know the facts, the truths, the possibilities to everything. How? Because they will have proof. Believe me, I know. Well, one thing is for sure that is not today nor tomorrow because if it was you won't be reading this now, perhaps you wouldn't need to...


Okay, here's the thing. You seem to be going for a very free narrative - it's written as though the narrator's mind is sprawling out and going off on tangents here and there. These kinds of narratives can work brilliantly, but the reader still needs to be able to follow them. Reading this, I find it quite...rambling. I'm not sure how much editing you've done - there are words missing and several typos; you don't appear to have best arranged your sentences. Editing is a huge part of the writing process, so don't skimp on it.

I'll be frank, now. The last three paragraphs of this passage were incredibly hard for me to follow. Again, they don't read like they've been edited, they flit from one topic to another without establishing boundaries, and they don't have a discernible direction. I suggest that you sit down, critically read your own work, tone down on the ellipsis use, and edit. It's quite difficult to offer any other advice on the last part right now, because it just doesn't feel finished.

I do get the sense that you have an interesting story worked out, but you just need to concentrate on exposing it in the right way. This prologue doesn't tell us a great deal about what's in store, but I can tell that your protagonist has seen some harrowing stuff. Edit the passages, refine the writing, and I'll definitely be back for more.

Hope I wasn't too harsh! I just want to help. PM me if you've any queries or need any specific advice.

Keep writing! :D
~Pan




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Sat Sep 05, 2015 8:47 pm
Europa says...



Im already hooked!





I want to do with you what spring does with the cherry trees.
— Pablo Neruda