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140,567 Literary Works • 673,442 Reviews
Thank you tgirly
I thought I'd put it up because i've recently got the pajamas that have that on xD
Loved it:)
Your welcome, it definitely has more flow now. Good job. I LOVE your avvie!
-tgirly
Apologies for the delayed replies everyone, I haven't had time to sit on here and do so.
tgirly - Thank you for your comment :] I hope you feel the stanza's are appropriate now :]
Hopeispeace - Thank you for your comment also. :]
Emmylou - I have replaced the line you didn't like by taking off the alight. However I couldn't think of a good enough word to replace obliviously for so I have left it.
Thank you all again for your lovely comments I hope you enjoyed my poetry as I will be posting more soon hopefully :]
I absolutley loved this! At first, I was kind of confused at what it was about, but then when I read the name of the song, I understood. So, yeah, I think you really only need to split this into three stanza's. One from the first line to the word swelled. Then from it triggered to the fuel seeped into the ocean. And then as the wind continued to a bed of thorns. I really liked the imagery in here. Except there is one problem. I feel like there may be a little too much imagery. Its all imagery and though it sounds good, it all kind of blends together, at least for me. Although maybe splitting it into stanza's would help that. Anyways, I hated two words. First, i hate dthe word obliviously because at first glance it looks like obviously. That may need to be changed, I don't know. The other word I hated was actually a whole line. It tormented the vines alight. Personally, this line really doesn't make much sense. The word alight shound definatly be replaced, perhaps with...I don't really know. Just something else.
Other than that, this poem was magnificently magnificent.
Emmy
My opinion is pretty much the same as the last review.
Work on flow . . . seperate into stanzas . . .overall nice
I like your voice and imagery. I think you should break it up into more than one stanza. It's a good poem and I like it. I think you could work on the flow and teeny tiny bit more.