Published December 29, 2008
Radio-
What can I say?
I miss the smile on your face.
What can I do?
I already told you the truth,
I miss you.
and all that we've been through.
I guess its too late,
to ask you to stay.
The ay your voice cracks when you sing high-pitched songs,
and when you laugh at 3-o clock in the morn.
Cause theres nothing else to do.
When you tell me its alright,
even when its wrong.
The stars in your eyes are gone
,but the memories still play like an endless song.
And even with you gone,
I'll still keep my radio on.
Remember when you held my hand?
Then got on IM and
blushed all night long.
I'll never forget the way your hair blows in the wind.
and by the way, your a ginger, not a blonde.
Funny how quick
everything turns to grey.
Leaving me with nothing but,
The way your voice cracks when you sing high-pitched songs.
and when you laugh at 3-o clock in the morn.
Cause we got nothing else to do.
When you tell me its alright,
even when its wrong
the stars in your eyes are gone
but the memories still play an endless song
and even with you gone,
I'll still keep my radio on.
Now your gone and all I can hear,
are the trouble words
I always feared
I'll go on,
Please enjoy your life
I'll still be here,
in care of any strife.
I know you don't care.
I hope everything works out
the next time another girl,
Listens to the way your voice cracks when you sing high-pitched songs
and the way you laugh at 3-o clock in the morn.
Cause there neve anything to do.
When you tell her its alright
even when its wrong.
I hope the stars in your eyes are never gone.
And still the memories play like an endless song.
I pray to god,
that girl keeps her radio on.
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Guessing by the repetitions of this poem I'm thinking that you mistook Lyric Poetry for Lyrics. Would you like me to move this to lyrics?
Since this is in the poetry section however I'll review it as such. You do a lot of telling in this, which makes for humdrum poetry. Poetry is about emotions, but you just talk about what happened, you don't show how it feels. When you show the emotions, with poetic devices like imagery, metaphor, sound device, you'll pull the reader into it and help them to experience things, too. That is, in my opinion, the main goal of poetry: to affect the reader some how. You could say song lyrics do the same thing, except song lyrics can be a lot less poetic and still work.
That's pretty much the only comment I have. Move away from telling, go towards describing the experience. Again, if this is a song and you just got lost, PM me and I'll move it for you.
Nice poem! A little bit confusing, because at some points it sounds as if you're talking to the radio and some points to a person (which you might want to clarify), but you have great structure and language.
The 'way'. Probably just a typo.
The correct way to write it is "3 o'clock". No hyphen.
The "cause" needs an apostrophe before it to indicate it is an abbreviation. And "theres" is NOT a word. "There is" - "There's". Again, abbreviations.
Both times (and every other time in this poem) the "its" should be "it's". "Its", as you may know, means to be owned by it (which wouldn't make any sense).
Shouldn't the comma be on the previous line?
It's "you're", not "your". "Your" means, again, to be owned by you. You mean "you are" which is "you're". You need to look into these abbreviations a bit more.
Again, the "cause" thing, and also "we got" is poor English. You can either write "we've got" as in "we have got" or "we have", or if you want to be more old-fashioned, "we've".
"You're" not "your".
What are "trouble words"? Words that are associated with trouble? Do you mean "troubled"?
It's "in case", not "in care". Also, this rhyme is a bit desperate.
If you're trying to connect these two, don't leave the space between them.
Abbreviation, yadda yadda. "Never", not "neve".
Same thing I pointed out before. Abbreviations.
God should be capitalised (not because I'm overly religious, because that is the way it should always be written, because it's a proper noun).
Most of your mistakes were typos. Next time hit the "Check Spelling" button, and read over your work before you post it up to avoid all that again. Hope this helps!