Young Writers Society

Heeey
You asked for a review on this way back in February, and I'm only getting around to it now. Sorry! I hope you can still use a review on it!

those three years we tread water still echo in my skull.

I like your start (the first line), my only issue is that it feels like it's missing something, but I'm not quite sure what. Maybe a 'that' before "we", but I don't think that would work. Maybe it's just me...but regardless I really like it.

I also like the first stanza a lot, however, reading through it a second time, I feel like "or forever" could be looked at again. It's kind of an abrupt stop at the end.

Also, I'm not sure if "and who knew what would be on the other side?" is a good idea for that stanza. I think something like "and we didn't want to be broken down" or "and who knows what a flood could bring?" or something like that. I understand it's the other side of the dam we're talking about, but I can't help but think of a door, or just a wall where there is some mystery. For a dam, it's pretty clear what's on the other side, water...but then again, there could be mysterious fish swimming in there? Just a suggestion. xD

For the second stanza I think you can chop up the first line a bit:

"i thought we had at least 'til sunrise"

No need for 'the' or 'until', for the flow.

I also feel you could split it like the example below:

i thought we had at least till sunrise
but the clock struck twelve and the spell was broken.
i couldn’t pretend we had forever anymore

but my meager hands couldn’t scratch a time-worn wall
when each meeting was a countdown till the last
too little, too late.

Hey there! Nykolas here with another review. I'm going to be reviewing this as I read through c:

Note #1 : "those three years we tread water still echo in my skull."

Maybe you should put ''we trod water'' instead of ''we tread water''. I'm pretty sure that's the correct past tense.

Note #2 : The lack of capitalization is pretty great. I don't know. I like it.

Note #3 : ''or forever.''

This sounds a bit weird with the previous line. Maybe you should put ''or for forever''

Note #4 : ''should-haves and never-agains.''

This could be ''should haves and never agains''.

That's all of my notes. Wow. This poem was really immersive, and it was beautifully written. You have some great vocabulary and the literary devices were used flawlessly. I applaud you on your view and ability to write about human emotion. It is a very difficult thing to do successfully. Keep writing. I'll be looking to see more from you.

Happy writing and review day~
-Nykolas A.

Hi Meandbooks, Felistia here with a review for you on this wonderful review day.

Theme: This is such a heartfelt theme you have going in this poem and you really presented it well. I didn't expect such a good poem at first, but as I got into it by the second stanza I was really interested and what an ending, pull at the heart strings there.

Description: I would say that your description in here is about as good as the emotion, since you are always compering things with things, keeping everything interesting. I gave me a range of senses from sight to feel, which is great when it comes to description.

Grammar and punctuation: I do have a small bone to pick about the punctuation in the poem though. I really think you should capitalize the beginning of each line and capitalize all the I's as in the I in ( I will be there).

Over all a great poem and I look forward to the next one. Never stop writing and I hope you have a great day\night.

Seriously, no words can even explain, like, no.

This was so heartfelt that every word would go straight through the reader's heart. It was so deep and the concept was dramatic enough to do that dramatic touch. It was so nice.

This was beautifully written and expressed pure and raw emotion. Your readers get a glimpse of the pain you felt retelling this. Well done and keep writing!

Words cannot express the sorrow of reading this.

This is really good! It's emotional and descriptive, you'll be able to connect with a lot of readers this way! Only thing I would like to point out to you is although the new "style" of poetry is not capitalizing any words, it's basic technique to do so. It won't effect your poem at all, it just makes it look cleaner and makes it a lot easier for people to read! Having everything lowercase can just be distracting. If anything, just capitalize the I when you refer to yourself, as squirrel said. But overall good job! Keep up the good work and keep writing!

I like the poem but I think there is something you should fix. Always capitalize an I when you are referring to yourself. You had a good choice in words but did you mean to use Dynamite A lot? Other than that I think you did a good job. Keep up the good work.