Published June 10, 2011
I said "It's impossible to know
meaning--"
and the frenzied wrath of Plato and
nostalgia french kissed me, when
you lectured my adolescence crying madly
in the projects of Chicago. When
you flew away, spreading your arms
into wings, I knew you were an
idiosyncrasy, and I loved watching
you fall more. When
you fell, I knew it was human nature
to watch Atlantis disappear into the sea.
A train-wreck we can't help,
but videotape for progeny.
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140,229 Literary Works • 673,048 Reviews
I am still flying and the buildings are still very much in the clouds, thank you.
And you got another thing wrong: I dislike Plato.
It was so well done. I don't have any criticisms to offer. It was brilliant as all hell. I mean I don't think there's any other word to describe it other than professional, you know what your doing, just keep doing it. Keep Writing!
Why do you waste your time here? Get published already!
Vague dedication ftw.
Lines 3-4 are just delicious. The rest is cool too, but not as much. The last two lines don't quite hold up though. I feel like this is still a bit of a sketch--I can't grasp much of the people in it, other than very vague outlines
which is very hypocritical of me to complain about, i know(though I suppose this is enough, if it is addressed to a person in particular who will be able to recognize all that matters).To go a bit deeper in the details: "when / you lectured my adolescence crying madly / in the projects of Chicago" seems like it's taken a detour from an easier way to be formulated. "I loved watching / you fall more" is a bit weird, because I'm not sure whether to interpret it as "I loved it more [now than before]" (which also adds a problem of there not being a 'before' present in the piece) or "I loved [watching you fall] more [than I loved you]" or even "I loved watching you fall [deeper]". Of course it could just be that you meant it that way, ambiguous and all, in which case, plz to be ignoring this.
Last little thing: that contrast of flight vs. Atlantis sinking is nice, but it seems underdeveloped/not paralleled enough, in that they're two lines that could intertwine but right now only run parallel.