Hi, I'm Thundahguy, and I'm going to finish what I set out to do a long time ago.
I randomly disappeared around chapter 7.1, and haven't been seen since (not really, but you get the gist). This is not here to tell you I'm going back to review chapter by chapter. Instead, in order to sum it all up, I'm going to leave just two reviews: this one, and the other at the end. They won't be focused on the singular chapters, but rather the entire story. How about I begin.
So, halfway through. The midway point. The rising action. The part of Lord of the Rings where they meet the giant tree people. It's been a journey, to say the least. There have been highs. There have been lows. But most of all, there have been stagnating middle grounds. First, let me talk about the major problems with this story, up to this point.
This story is a high fantasy story. You've put in effort in order to build a mystical world filled with all kinds of creatures. However, it seems you've put in too much effort, as well. High fantasy stories require a steady amount of world-building, as they are foreign to the reader. If too little is explained, then the story begins to fold in on itself in confusion. Too much, and it creates an expectation that is never answered. In Mixing Magic, you've described 4 or so kingdoms: the current one the story is taking place in, the one filled with flying creatures, the shade world, and Earth. At this point, we've only been in one kingdom, and its unlikely for the story to shift to a different one at a whim. It sounds interesting, but we, as readers, will probably never experience it. Most readers, at this point, will realise that and may drop at this point because they won't be satisfied. Worldbuilding requires both active discoveries and passive explanations, and there's been a disconnect between your huge passive explanations and your small active discoveries. Lord of the Rings is a good example at Worldbuilding, as whenever there's a major place mentioned, they go there. Here, it seems we're too focused on the little things that we never see anything big.
All the focus on the little bits of worldbuilding does affect all its inhabitants as well. You've introduced several species, like Shades, Centaurs, Fairies, etc. You've done well with explaining fairies and centaurs. With those two species, you've properly explained how they fit into this fantasy world. However, this doesn't extend to the more conventional species. The idea that you can put a predefined race like dwarf or dryad, and expect readers to know what their whole motif is, is lazy. If you don't explain how they properly mesh with everything, then they just seem to have been added in randomly in order to fill a quota. The best example I can think of that doesn't do this is in the Divinity series's Elves. They aren't the regular tall beautiful people you'd normally think of when you hear "elf". They're much taller, skinnier, and more deformed than humans, and they actively practise cannibalism. It's a good example of how you put a species into a story without it seeming to just fill a quota.
On that note, I should probably mention shades. Shades are amongst those that aren't properly explained, but unlike the other species, they aren't properly defined. A shade archetype usually seems to be some kind of shadow demon, but you state them as furry creatures, which I assume to be like wolverines. It's the biggest example of how other species aren't shown as much.
Now, how about I talk about characters.
Ayda is one of the worse off characters. You've originally put her as the spunky fairy that wants to fulfil her dream. Over time, she's changed from that. Like, a complete 180. Now, at this current point, she's somewhat melodramatic and is more focused on sending Madeline home. I'm all for character progression, but in 8 chapters she's changed a bit too much without much rhyme or reason. Yes, her not being able to contact her family after Nikka had been attacked seems like a good reason for her change, but she acts like they're dead. Contrast that with Cinder, who for sure knows that his family had been taken away and is being forced against their wills, and even then acts less melodramatic than Ayda.
Now, there's Madeline. Your characterisation of her is alright, and she isn't as weak of a character as Ayda. The main problem, however, is that since this story is from Ayda's perspective, we never really see her. The two's friendship was exemplary in the earlier chapters, but it seems to have been pushed to the side once they reached Crescent Moon. She's a very basic character at the moment, not suffering Ayda's faults, but neither growing much either. If you can, try to show her more if you write another draft.
Many other characters, I can't say anything about. Cinder is still the best in terms of characterisation, and there isn't much you can do to improve him without hurting an aspect of his character. Xaniphe, the dryads, the other researchers, they aren't really focused on at all. So far, it all seems to be a picturesque society, and those two words never go together.
So, that's all my complaints. This isn't as in-depth as the final review is going to be, but hopefully, it highlights the glaring things you need to fix. As for my rating, I'm going to give it a 4.5/10, aka a 'There's no specific reason why I'm still reading this, I just want to see where this is headed.' I'll see you at the final chapter.
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Reviews: 74
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