Soooooo good. So many heart tugs from all the characters <33
Ayda froze, trying to process what Cinder had just said. Her limbs went limp and cold and her wings beat slower and slower until she began to fall from the air.
“Ayda!” Madeline said, and it was just enough for Ayda to catch herself in time and land bodily on the table, where she sank to her knees.
“It was just like the others,” Cinder said, soft and gentle, but underneath Ayda could hear how his voice was stretched taut, ready to break.
“But Nikka’s not small,” Ayda managed. “They should have been safe.” Images of Shades with glowing red eyes storming through her city, crushing the buildings, fairies and leprechauns fleeing, flashed through her mind.
“It was no band of Shades, it was an army.” Cinder began to pace back and forth across the floor, claws out and kneading at the wood. “They had about half an hour notice. Some escaped. More than the last few towns. Like the others, we don’t think Nadra was there to kill. The greatest casualties would have come from the fires.”
Images of Ayda’s house, the carpentry shop, her parents’ shop, all blackened and crumbling. The living tree on fire.She couldn’t go back. No apprenticeship waited back there for her, no bed, no creaky chair out on the porch. And none of her carvings.
“What about my family?” The thick voice that spoke was so unlike her own.
“Ayda — ”
“What about my family?”
“I don’t know! I don’t know if they escaped, Ayda.” Cinder spun back around to face her. “There’s talk of the refugees going to Vjorin. That’s all I know.”
“Then I have to go there,” Ayda said, climbing to her feet. Vjorin was the capital of Erinore — she had been there many times before. “I have to find them.”
“No,” Cinder said sharply. “It’s too dangerous. And Nikka wasn’t the only town attacked. There’s too many refugees now — do you want to search a crowd of thousands? Wait. Send a letter. Once they have organized, if your family is there, your letter will reach them.”
Her letter. She had sent it just yesterday. Had they ever received it? “That’ll take too long.”
“It’s the only reasonable option. We will not allow you to go. Think, Ayda, you wouldn’t even make it through the portal. Can you imagine how many people are trying to get to Erinore, either running or searching for family?”
Ayda nodded, her throat tight. “I’ll stay here.”She sank back down on the table. Madeline’s warm hand curled around her and she leaned back against it, grateful for the support.
“There’s more, isn’t there?” Madeline’s fist was clenched, her knuckles white.
“Like I said, Nikka wasn’t the only town attacked. Nearly every major settlement more than twenty miles west of Moonwater has been taken.”
“How many Shades attacked?” Madeline whispered.
Cinder stopped pacing and stood stiffly, letting out a long, pained breath. “Neleluna has been completely overtaken. We estimate that three-quarters of all Shades, everywhere, are directly under her control.” His voice was flat.
“Oh, Cinder, I — ” At a loss for words, Ayda flew over to the Shade and laid a hand on his shoulder. They had had both lost their homes, but he had lost his species too. “Your family?”
“Taken,” he confirmed in a strangled whisper.
Madeline slid off the table and wordlessly moved to comfort Cinder, but he pulled away. “I should go tell the other researchers,” he said. Without another word, he padded through the open door and was gone.
Silence fell, and with it went distraction. Ayda swallowed. Unbidden, images of her family, imprisoned or refugees, rose to mind. She didn’t know which was worse. Mom, trying and failing to put on a smile. Dad, his face more lined then ever. Nova, tall and upright as ever, but to those who knew her — scared.
A red-hot tear rolled down Ayda’s face. Then another. And another. She didn’t want to cry in front of Madeline, but her chest heaved with pain and each new breath was raspier than the last. Her wings drooped and she buried her head in her arms, knees against her chest, in the same position she had found Madeline all those weeks ago. Gone. Everything gone. What am I going to do?
“I’m sorry.” Madeline’s voice was so low Ayda almost thought she had imagined it. She looked up at Madeline’s blurred form. The girl’s black hair hid half her face. She was fingering her necklace, not looking at Ayda.
“I won’t say I know how you feel.” Madeline spoke quickly. “I know that’s not… helpful. But I’m sorry. Nobody should have to lose their home. No one should have to worry about whether their family’s alive or — or — ” she broke off, swallowing. The bitterness in her voice was unmistakeable.
At last, Ayda put two and two together. Madeline’s empathy. Her insistence on going home. Her necklace. “Who is it for you?” She brushed her eyes clear, looking up at her friend. “You don’t know if you’re ever going home, but there’s something more. Why can’t you stay here?”
Madeline looked down at her necklace. “My dad is dying. He had just a few weeks left before I came here. I — I think I’ve given up hope of seeing him again.”
It was so simple, when she said it like that. How long had Madeline watched him waste away in bed? And then, how would she feel, finally coming home only to find someone missing? Someone she never got to say goodbye to? “I’m sorry.” Ayda echoed Madeline. There wasn’t much else you could say.
Madeline gave a small shrug, still staring avidly at her necklace. “They fought a lot, my parents. They might have even gotten divorced. But they don’t fight anymore. I don’t miss it.”
Ayda flew to Madeline and brushed back the hair hanging over her face. Madeline looked her in the eye for the first time, and Ayda could see her own face reflected in the brown iris. “Madeline, you will see your dad again,” Ayda said quietly. “I promised you before I’d get you home, and now I’m promising again.”
Madeline laughed. “You can’t promise that.”
But I do anyway.
I said I would review every two chapters, but this one was heavy enough that I thought I should review it.
Nothing to note on the setting.
The long term plot is starting to shape up. The fact that 3/4 of all shades were taken does emphasize Nadra's power. Hopefully, Madie becomes powerful enough to defeat her. There could be more in the short term, however.
The characters are where this chapter shines. I won't say much about Ayda since it's really the expected reactions from her. Her renewing the promise she made with Madie is nice to see. I can't watch Cinder's little furry heart break. He's my favourite character and seeing him try to remain calm even though most of his race including his own family had been turned into mindless soldiers, it's pulling at my heart. Seeing Madie's motivation for returning to her world because of her sick father's also pulling at my heart. I really want to know what exactly is in her locket that she keeps fingering at it.
Overall, it’s one of your better if not best chapters. I honestly have nothing I can really critique. Hope your next chapters keep up this trend.
Hello again! Hopefully I can catch up before the end of review day!
So...this chapter is a very, very trying chapter for the characters and me.
Cinder <3 Why???
I honestly don't have much to critique here, so I'll just say what was successful and maybe a few things.
This is terrible and I assume the events are going to get worse and worse as the book moves on. This second half of the scene feels like sequel to the initial shock, where the characters have to get over it. This was emotionally well done and I think Ayda's inner monologue was good: not too much, not too less. It did also show her emotions well.
The second half was a lovely place for character interactions. Ayda renews her promise while Madeline lets her know this secret about her father. And then everything falls into place. So what Madeline says and acts make total sense, and this chapter did add a depth to both Ayda and Madeline. So I agree with Blue that her character arc is blooming(she's a little self-centered in the beginning and can now emphasize with others). Especially with the fact that Ayda's willing to keep helping when she could just do other things to help her parents or folk.
So overall, this sequel was executed VERY well and now the characters have talked to each other and renewed their determination( I think). I'll see you in 7.2! 
Oh, man. This chapter is a bummer. But it's so good. But it's so hecking sad. We've got - Ayda's family: situation unknown, possibly dead, certainly terrified. Cinder's family: under what's-her-name's control and attacking the kingdom against their will. We've got Madeline's family: broken, dad dying, possibly already dead.
Not to mention the fact that the kingdom's in some serious danger now. No singular attack, this, but an all-out war.
(The whole time Ayda and Cinder were arguing about what to do to find out about her family, I just kept thinking, "If only they had cell phones." And then it occurred to me that Madeline actually knows about cell phones, but I guess if she was thinking that she kept it to herself because the moment was too heavy.)
This was also a great chapter for starting to show Ayda's character arc, her transition from being all-take in relationships to learning to give as well. She starts off worried about herself, of course - or at least her family, which I think boils down to the same thing here. But then we get this.
“Like I said, Nikka wasn’t the only town attacked. Nearly every major settlement more than twenty miles west of Moonwater has been taken.”
At a loss for words, Ayda flew over to the Shade and laid a hand on his shoulder. They had had both lost their homes, but he had lost his species too. “Your family?”
“Taken,” he confirmed in a strangled whisper.
At last, Ayda put two and two together. Madeline’s empathy. Her insistence on going home. Her necklace. “Who is it for you?” She brushed her eyes clear, looking up at her friend. “You don’t know if you’re ever going home, but there’s something more. Why can’t you stay here?”
Madeline looked down at her necklace. “My dad is dying. He had just a few weeks left before I came here. I — I think I’ve given up hope of seeing him again.”
Ayda flew to Madeline and brushed back the hair hanging over her face. Madeline looked her in the eye for the first time, and Ayda could see her own face reflected in the brown iris. “Madeline, you will see your dad again,” Ayda said quietly. “I promised you before I’d get you home, and now I’m promising again.”
Whoa! Whoa... I just- whoa. Wow and ouch.
The pain is very strong in this one. First Ayda, then Cinder, and then Madeline! And each individual's sadness and pain is so well shown and fitting for their character! This really blew me away.
Ayda's shock and sadness in particular came through really strong. Her first reaction of falling from the air is perfect and then her insistence that she has to leave to go find them! It was all very appropriate and Ayda. It's also nice to see it adding to the character arc you have planned for her.
Cinder too was very in character and the reasons for Ayda not to leave were very well thought out. There's even more meaning behind it because we find out Cinder's family is taken and he probably feels like there isn't anything he wouldn't do to get them back, but through it all he keeps a calm demeanor and tries to help Ayda understand why she can't go even though he may be feeling similar. His calmness only starts to crack as the issue of his family is brought up. His manner of brushing off the others is also rather Cinder and how I'd imagine he'd deal with this. He's under added pressure since he's all too aware that what's happened to most of his species could happen to him too. The others can worry about being captured to be sure, but they have to be caught for that to happen, and at least they'll still have control of their own actions. Cinder is really in a terrible situation all around.
Everyone was so well done here! I can't say it enough. Madeline was also characterized very well and Ayda's understanding of it, even though Madeline was only really hinting at first is really sweet and I really liked it. I think this scene negates my earlier comment about the confusing foreshadowing. In the previous draft it might have been true, but no longer with this one.
I have a few final minor comments to make:
When Ayda was imagining her home being gone and all her carvings too I got really sad because of the baby dragon carving that might be destroyed 
Also, though I don't normally comment on these sorts of things, but I noticed it a few times here, so I thought you should be aware of it. There's a few places where you're missing spaces between punctuation and words.
Anyway, again, congratulations on a part well written and keep up the good work!
120,301 Literary Works • 649,425 Reviews
Points: 6836
Reviews: 440
Donate