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Young Writers Society



Mixing Magic [Draft 2]: Chapter 6.1

by Mea


Time turned on. Over the next week, Ayda settled into her routine of spending much of her waking hours pouring over old books in a cramped room, even as the summer heat began to set in. Late in the evening, when Cinder would finally call a halt, Ayda would dash upstairs and carve, at times touching up her contest piece, but also carving whatever came to mind. She didn’t see a lot of Madeline, but by the time she was free each evening, she was usually too exhausted to go looking for her.

Her parents’ letter arrived a few days after she was caught by Cinder, sitting on the desk in her room when she returned for the evening. Ayda had put off reading it for a whole day, but when she came in the next evening, she eyed the scroll, tied neatly with a blade of grass, sitting there pristine and foreboding. With a sigh, she untied and unfurled it to find her mother’s flowing script.

-

My dearest Ayda,

In hindsight, I should have realized you would try something like this, but Ayda, I am still disappointed. The letter came this morning and only now am I able to begin this response. Your father was furious when he realized you were gone. Even still, I can’t tell you how relieved I was when I received the Lord and Lady’s letter.

Relieved that you had not gotten lost or been harmed on the road, yes, but receiving the letter has raised more questions than it’s answered. Ayda, it said nothing. That you are safe but involved in something secret is all I know. Whatever it is, Ayda, why did you not come to us first?

But what’s done is done. They promise you’re safe, but I’m still wild with speculation and yes, worry. Be careful, Ayda. I do hope you were able to enter the contest. Write back and tell me as much as you can.

I won’t lie to you — we’re no closer to leaving then we were when you left us. I am sure you know already, but the rumors of rogue Shades were true. Yesterday, a band attacked Millfield and Crowbrook, and now everyone is in a panic. If they come here, we can drive them off, but try telling that to those who are already thinking of fleeing.

But something is bound to turn up, and I only hope you’ll be allowed to come home before we leave. Don’t worry about us. Stay focused on your work, and do remember to write.

Your loving mother

-

Her father was angry. Her mother was disappointed. Ayda let out another sigh. About what she’d expected, and they were still stuck in Nikka. She set the letter back down on the desk, watching as it curled up at the ends. She opened the drawer, hand hovering over a sheet of parchment.

Then Ayda dropped her hand and closed the drawer with a snap. The room was stiflingly hot and the thick air pressed in from all sides. She glanced over at the carving of the Shade, sitting proudly on the dresser. What more could she do with it? The sight of her tools brought no wish to carve tonight.

Madeline. It was high time she sought out her friend.

-

Once Ayda remembered Madeline’s room number, the girl’s room was easy to find. Ayda knocked on the door when she reached it.

“Come in.” Madeline’s voice was quiet.

Ayda heaved the door open, a feat only possible because the door had been designed to be light enough for Little Folk to move. “It’s me. How has training with Xaniphe been?”

Madeline looked just as tired as Ayda felt. Clearly the centaur was working her as hard as Cinder pushed Ayda. The girl moved slowly as she settled back onto the bed, but she was smiling. “I have so much to show you.”

She fumbled in a pouch around her waist — that was new — and pulled out a large stone that glowed with light brighter than any firemoss. Ayda blinked rapidly, eyes watering at the sudden brightness. “What is that?”

“This was my first permanent talisman,” Madeline said, running her fingers along it gently. Ayda could hear a touch of pride in her voice.

“Talisman? Cinder mentioned they had something to do with human magic.” They were also one of the things Ayda was supposed to look for in her reading.

Madeline almost laughed. “Human magic is talisman magic. We’re sure of it. It’s what the books say, and everything I’ve been able to do leads back to talismans.”

She fingered the necklace she still wore. “It’s funny, isn’t it? All the stories, all those good-luck charms… everyone back home thinks magical objects were just superstition, but they were always real. And now I can make them!”

“But how does it work?” pushed Ayda. “What exactly can you do?”

“We don’t know everything yet,” Madeline said. “Xaniphe found some books that mention a few things, but we’re doing a lot of experimentation. For this one, I just made the pattern with my magic, then pushed it in the stone and secured it.”

“Why a stone?”

“Oh, the books say stones are good for practical, low-level talismans. So are wooden buttons, but since those were once alive they’re also better for talismans that affect living things. If it’s something big, though, it’s better if the object is special to you in some way, or more closely related to what you’re trying to do.”

Ayda shifted to her magical vision and flew over to Madeline, squinting as she tried to see the magic in the stone. “Can’t you turn that light off?”

“Uh, yes,” said Madeline, putting her hand on the stone for a moment. The glow faded to nothing. Now Ayda could see Madeline’s magic curling inside, dormant but set in its pattern. “I’ve made it so anyone can turn it on or off if they’re touching it. You just have to feed it a bit of magic.”

Ayda perched on the bed’s headboard, her mind already racing ahead. “So in the fight with the Shade, you somehow turned the stick into a talisman and it protected you?”

Madeline nodded. “Apparently ‘protect me’ is intuitive. It confused Xaniphe because it’s such a complicated command, but then I had to directly work the magic to make this.” She closed her hand over the stone and put it back in its pouch.

“We’re not sure why, but it’s actually easier for me to make a talisman with an abstract command or intent, like ‘protect me.’ I guess because even though those words are subjective, I infuse them with my own interpretation and the magic knows what I mean. A specific, concrete effect like emitting light is harder because I have to think about what light actually is. If you just picture the stone glowing, all you’ll end up with is an illusion of light, not the actual thing.”

“That makes sense, in a bit of a backwards way.” Something occurred to Ayda. “What about a good luck talisman? That’s subjective, so wouldn’t it be intuitive?”

Madeline shook her head. “I think so, but Xaniphe told me not to try. He said it would have to physically change too many things in too many ways. I wouldn’t be able to make it powerful enough.

“But going non-intuitive makes lots of things difficult. Like healing talismans. If you don’t actually know what needs to be fixed in the body, the talisman will make the person feel well, but they’ll still be dying. You have to understand the disease and the specific parts of the body to target — ”

She broke off, looking down as if defeated. “It’s just so complicated.”

Why was she so downcast? Ayda frowned. “Other species don’t have to do that sort of thing. Unicorn magic heals, and it’s supposed to be completely intuitive.”

“Really?” Madeline seemed to perk up.

“Well, that’s what they say. It’s not like most people have ever seen a unicorn. They’ve been reclusive for centuries. But I mean, even I can heal a small plant — we call it cleansing, since the magic sort of sweeps away the impurities, the stuff that doesn’t belong.”

“Can you show me? Show me the pattern you use to do it?” Madeline asked.

“Why?”

“I’m just curious,” Madeline insisted, but she was touching her necklace again.

Ayda gave up and shook her head. “I haven’t practiced working active magic at all. I don’t think I could make the right pattern, especially since I’m not going to actually use it. If I could find a sick plant here — and the plants here are the healthiest I’ve ever seen — I’d do it intuitively, but it would happen too quickly for you to see much.”

“You need a teacher,” said Madeline.

Ayda just shrugged. It seemed like everyone was too busy with the Nadra crisis to justify the time it would take to teach her. “I can work it out myself. Or you could teach me. You know, since you’re practicing active magic so much.”

She meant it mostly in jest, but Madeline bit her lip, considering it. “If you wanted me to, I would do my best. I don’t know much about fairy magic, but I do have practice working directly with patterns.”

Ayda had been using magic for most of her fourteen years. Madeline had been using it for less than a month. But Madeline did have more experience than her when it came to active magic. “Alright,” Ayda finally said. “That could work. But for now, what other talismans have you made?”

Madeline showed her several more talismans. One glowed only when it was dark. Another imitated the sound of rushing water. A third radiated warmth. Of them, only the last one had been intuitive, and already its magic was starting to fade.

Slowly, they moved away from magical topics. Madeline began to tell Ayda about her world and its technological wonders, and from her descriptions of a device that sent your voice across the world to wagons that moved under their own power, Ayda couldn’t understand why the simple magics of the Kingdoms had been so wondrous to this human girl.


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Wed Oct 18, 2017 11:26 pm
Wolfi wrote a review...



Hello Mea! Better late than never, aye?

Stay focused on your work, and do remember to write.

This stuck out to me because I didn't think Ayda's mom knew enough about what her daughter was doing to give such advice.

Ayda couldn’t understand why the simple magics of the Kingdoms had been so wondrous to this human girl.

Love this! It's a really interesting idea because although humans don't have magic, our world is much more technologically advanced than Ayda's world is. I'm hoping Ayda and Madeline will be talking about this more in the next part.

I like the idea of Madeline teaching Ayda what she's learned about active magic, and I'm looking forward to seeing how it goes. Their current relationship is interesting. I could see Ayda feeling a tinge of jealousy since she's always working while Madeline gets the honor of learning these super fancy new magic things. Ayda worked hard and took big risks to bring this human girl to Crescent Moon, and besides that she's known of magic all her life, so I can see how it's unfair that it's Madeline who's getting the deluxe training. So far their relationship has been very smooth, but I can sense some future bumps in the road.

She fingered the necklace she still wore.

“I’m just curious,” Madeline insisted, but she was touching her necklace again.

Are you trying to tell us something? What's with this necklace?? xD I didn't forget anything, did I? Why the "but" in the second one? Why the "still" in the first?

I don't know what else to say because this is a solid chapter part and I really enjoyed it! Hopefully I could be at least a little bit helpful. Great job!




Mea says...


Are you trying to tell us something?

Yes, this is Foreshadowing(TM). I should maybe make it more subtle. :P

But I'm so happy this is getting reviewed again! I've been really wanting more feedback on the last quarter in particular. (Heck, if you want, feel free to skip reviewing some of these middle chapters.) <3



Wolfi says...


I just might have to do that!



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Sun Aug 06, 2017 3:41 am
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deleted221222 wrote a review...



Heya, back for my regular nonsensical reviews.

The letter was interesting. Again, the whole cliche thing, but I've ranted enough about that. Ayda actually having regrets is starting to deviate her character a bit. It can't really be depression from missing the contest since she'd already spent a fair few days in Crescent Moon, and she's giddily carving for the next. Madie seems to have matured in the past few days. I assume it's sort of imprinting off of Xaniphe. It'd have been nice to see her become more mature than just seeing the results days later, but that's just a personal whim. What you did is perfectly fine, especially since Madie isn't really the protagonist.

Nothing to note on plot or setting. Hopefully, there's some actual substance besides character interactions. It's starting to get stale.

I spent a literal week trying to design a proper magic system, which is why I've been highlighting this more frequently in my reviews. Human magic seems interesting. Using talismans is a fresh take on magic that I haven't really seen. I would advise against Madie's quirk where it's easier to cast a spell based on how broad the intent is. It can lead to Deus ex machinas and that Harry Potter thing where there's a spell that just kills people. "Protect" should be the most powerful thing Madie can do without getting too technical. I'm also interested in Active Magic, mostly cause I don't properly understand it. You may have explained it last chapter and I just skimmed over it, so if that's the case, ignore this message.

The chapters are starting to become dull as there's a lack of actual plot occurring. The character development is nice, but there's a distinct lack of character progression. Also mixing magic. There's a very distinct lack of magic being mixed.




Mea says...


I promise we're getting to the mixing magic. :P I've had a lot of fun with this magic system - it's definitely more on the loose end of things but there's also more technical situations that can (and will) be played around with. Active magic is basically that technical side - you pull the magic out of yourself and literally manipulate to form patterns that are too complicated to do intuitively.



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Sat Jul 29, 2017 1:22 am
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PrincessInk wrote a review...



Sorry for the delay! I'll try to catch up to the current posted chapter during Review Day.

Angry father--disappointed mother. I imagined that would happen; that one'd be angry, the other disappointed. It totally makes sense for Ayda to be resigned in that aspect (and avoid reading the letter), but because of Nadra, she can't come home to Nikka. I wonder how Nova( let me know if that's spelled wrong) will react to this. I'm curious to know because she isn't mentioned at all in the letter, because she must have a reaction to know that her sister has rushed off to Crescent Moon.

When Ayda talked to Madeline, I was kind of expecting Ayda to hint a little about her feelings. I know she was immediately dragged into the conversation of talismans and magic. (By the way, it was indeed fascinating. I think it was a clever idea to mix in actions--Ayda learning things--and also providing a chunk of worldbuilding as well. And I also learned that Madeline has a bit of a special magic--and that she has a habit of fingering her necklace). Still...they don't have to directly talk about Ayda's feelings but I thought this letter was one of the main causes of Ayda going to talk to Madeline. (The previous reviewers haven't mentioned this, so maybe take this with a grain of salt.)

The last line was really, really strong to set down a contrast to "human is amazed by magic" vs. "fairy is amazed by technology". Sometimes I'm even amazed at the technologies on this earth! And even more for magic. I'd say that it's more like a perspective thing rather than one set view. Madeline and I might think that telephones are everyday stuff, but for the fairies in the other world it's something totally new and fascinating.

Happy writing!




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Tue Jul 25, 2017 10:51 am
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DragonWriter22 wrote a review...



Hey!

So to start off, the letter from Ayda's mother was interesting. The contents and reaction were appropriate and well done, but I think the voice could be a bit stronger. Ayda's mother hasn't had a lot of time on the page, but I remember getting a feel for her voice back when she spoke to Ayda before she ran away. Her mother is disappointed with Ayda here of course, so her tone won't be exactly the same, but a few parts of the letter threw me off a bit in terms of voice. I actually found a part or two felt a lot like your voice XD. The main bit that I felt didn't match with the tone of the rest of the letter was:

I’m still wild with speculation


I'm not entirely sure why this struck me as odd, but yeah. At the very least it might be because I personally think of the phrase "wild with ____" as being in a positive, excited manner. That might just be me, but viewing it this way made it clash with the more serious tone of the rest of the letter. This was also one of the parts where it felt a lot like your voice. I can't recall if you've ever actually used this term in conversation with me before, but when I read it, my brain was like "Oh! that's Mea!"

Besides that, it was interesting to learn more about how magic works :). I like how it seems that all the other magic types are very specialized and intuitive whereas human talismans can be made for pretty much anything, but it's trickier because of that. More restrictions and magic building. Yay! Those sorts of things make the world feel all the more real. Oh! I like the connection talisman magic has with good luck charms and the like! That also adds realism as it's connected to real superstitions. I mean, sometimes connections to certain objects just really do feel like something's there. Having it explained as a lost art really speaks to my desire for magic to exist in the real world.

It's also nice that Madeline has offered to try to help Ayda. More opportunities for their friendship to grow!

Spoilers for new readers:

Spoiler! :
Madeline touches her necklace a lot in this scene. She tends to do that when her magic is mentioned and previously that worked as an interesting foreshadowing as to what human magic was. Now, it still feels like you're foreshadowing towards something, but as I'm aware of what its purpose ends up being, the foreshadowing is confusing. I'm not sure how similar you're keeping this draft, and this isn't necessarily a bad thing, I just thought you should be aware that the way you're using the necklace now feels like it's being foreshadowed as the key to destroying Nadra and that it'll be really important to the plot in that regard.

I can tell what the actual foreshadowing is. Especially with the talk of healing talismans and healing magic in general. It's actually pretty cleverly done and I took a second to realize it even though I know the plot. I was confused at first as to why Madeline perked up at the mention of unicorn healing magic since you've written it to make it look like Madeline is simply distressed at the complexity of talismans, but then I realized why and just, yeah, it explained so much! Like why she wanted to see Ayda's plant healing magic as well. Anyway, the foreshadowing is done cleverly here, but could easily be misread.


Hopefully this slightly longer review can make up for the shorter ones I've given you on the last two parts. I also hope it's useful to you cause I felt like I rambled a lot in it. Keep up the impressive writing!




Mea says...


Huh. That's funny that the letter sounds like my voice. Definitely something that needs fixing.

As far as talk of the foreshadowing goes, I think it's all right if it's misread, because it works for both things you mentioned in that spoiler.



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Mon Jul 24, 2017 4:00 pm
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BluesClues wrote a review...



Madeline began to tell Ayda about her world and its technological wonders, and from her descriptions of a device that sent your voice across the world to wagons that moved under their own power, Ayda couldn’t understand why the simple magics of the Kingdoms had been so wondrous to this human girl.


Love, love, love that last line. Love it. I love the idea of a fairy learning about human technology and considering it magic and thinking it's pretty amazing magic and that her own magic is totally boring and easy by comparison. It's such a relateable thing in a way - like Japanese tourists in the U.S. taking photos of squirrels, where the average American will go, "What the heck, it's a squirrel, they're literally everywhere" but then we didn't see any squirrels in Japan but were blown away by things that are probably 100% normal to Japanese people. It's so relateable, but then it's about magic so it's still very much fantasy, but then also it kind of makes you think about how amazing humans and our technology really are.

(I legit cried when the plane took off from Detroit for Toronto on our way out of the country, just because it really struck me how amazing it is that humans can fly.)

If you just picture the stone glowing, all you’ll end up with is an illusion of light, not the actual thing.”


I was a little confused by this, because wouldn't the illusion of light still give off something for you to see by? Or would it literally just allow you to the see the stone itself in the dark because it's only an illusion of light? I thought this was a much better example of potential problems with intuitive magic.

Like healing talismans. If you don’t actually know what needs to be fixed in the body, the talisman will make the person feel well, but they’ll still be dying.


I like the letter from Ayda's mom, because (since I know what you plan for your character arc) I think it's good for us to see how her mom is feeling about the fact that she ran off - disappointed but not really angry, not overdramatic or overbearing about it, and she's glad that Ayda's safe. Sympathizing with her mom will help us with her character arc, like when she makes her gradual change into giving more in all her relationships we'll be glad because we can kind of feel bad for her mom, if that makes sense.

Image




Mea says...


Thanks for the review! I'm really glad you like the last lines, since I wasn't so sure about them.

(On the topic of squirrels and Japan - I can confirm squirrels do not exist in Japan and I *may* have gotten slightly overexcited my first day back in the US when I saw a squirrel run across the road. xD)



BluesClues says...


It was kind of weird how few animals we saw in Tokyo period. Like we saw a couple birds, but in the States you see rats, squirrels, chipmunks, several different city birds, sometimes bigger things. There were plants everywhere but virtually no animals. So I understood why my family has always seen Japanese tourists in the States taking photos of squirrels!




I would be a terrible novel protagonist.
— mellifera