Young Writers Society

Wow, this is amazing. At first I thought it was going to be like marrige but when I got towards the end I got it. This is a very powerful poem. great job.

Ok, first of all I'd like to thank all you guys for reviewing. Just a few responses;

To be grammaratically correct, this would have read

I remember what I had forgotten

All I can say is wow. Like almost everyone else said, and I agree with them, the first thing that I thought about was marriage, but holy cow I was wrong. I didn't notie anything really wrong with your poem, just a little forced, but over all, it was awesome. Keep on writing.

Eek, I got such a shock with that last line! Loved how the last line turned it all around.

I didn't think the rhymes were too forced except perhaps 'I remember what I had forgot/A thousand memories on the trot'. (Should there perhaps be a comma at the end of that first line?) This is because, as BigBadBear already said, it would be 'forgotten' technically. I thought the same sound throughout worked well.

The poem is short but I think one of its best points is how concise it is. Beginning, middle, end - I remember, this is what I remember, this is what I'm going to do.

The structure of 'And what has been, and what has not' was brilliant, as was the rhythm and matter-of-fact tone.

Its okay for a start. A bit on the short side, but overall good. You should definetly work on length. I didn't see any spelling errors.

I totally agree with Alexis*the*person. I thought you were talking about marriage. I was confused until the very last line. But I feel it really doesn't go deep. I don't feel the same sorrow as you. I don't feel like I could connect to this poem because it's vague and slightly apathetic. It's pretty good considering it's your very first poem. I think if you (oh, this will sound so very cheesy...) search inside yourself for these deep feelings and keep writing, you will become quite good.

-Holly

I really liked this poem it gave me chills. I loved how when you read the first line you believe it's about marriage then the last line just blows you away. Wow. It was amazing, and the fact that it was your first attempt at poetry just makes me love it even more.

Keep writing poetry, man!
-Domenique

First, welcome to the young writers society!

So y'all telling me that this poem didn't have anything to do with getting married? I hope it did or I'm gonna feel like an idiot.
I thought the last line was brilliant! I thought it co-in-signed with getting married or "tying the knot". I don't know, but I still liked the poem!

Well... As the others stated, the rhyming felt a little forced. While I was reading this poem, I thought by "tying the knot" you was speaking of marriage, but after that last line....wow!

That effect was amazing! Totally threw me off, but in a good way. Great job!

I'm with BBB. I got a flutter when I read the last line. Just a few things I noticed just while I was reading...the rhyming throughout is forced and gives a kind of 'nursery rhyme' ring to it which I'm sure you don't want when dealing with such a serious topic. Also, you do not need a capital letter for each new line, except after full stops. Other than that I liked it. Well done. And welcome to YWS. I hope you settle in well.

Hope and Best wishes,

Eimear xx

I liked this also. I don't really have much other than that to say sorry.

Oh, bbb you spell wow funny. lol

*gasp*

Whoa, dude. I just got this... this tingle up my neck as I read that last line! Dude, that was awesome!

The ryhming was rather... forced. This poem rhymed, but it sometimes wasn't natural. It all made sense though. Except for:

I remember what I had forgot