Bella's 30th Birthday

I thought this was a very nice story, I enjoyed reading it from the very start,

Would I have married him?
Probably
Would I have become a vampire?
Maybe.
Did I still love him?
Definitely.

I really liked this short story, it had me entranced and wanting to read more and more as it went on. I will admit, I thought Bella would never be the type of person to walk out on her husband and daughter, then in chapter 2 i was glad she didn't. However, I think she belongs with Edward and it wouldn't just be happily ever after with them, because they'd be alot of challenges in the way, like the fact Edward is a vampire and Bella is a 30 year old human.
I really enjoyed reading and really hope you write more.
ChloeJade23

So, usually I don't really read Twilight fanfictions, but hey, I decided to check this one out, and I found myself a bit curious about what was going on. Like many other reviewers, I laughed when it turned out Bella was hitched to Mike Newton, and I ALSO wondered why Edward be in contact with Jacob...?? I suppose I'll found out if you update! So please do!

I really liked it! It was really interesting but it was sort of confusing though. If she didn't end up with Edward wouldn't she end up with Jacob then? And why with Mike?

Please write more!!!

'What's with the facial hair?' Edward with facial hair? Thats an interesting visual image! I laughed, my old self bubbling back to the surface.

'Have to look older, Bella. I am thirty, after all,' Don't the Cullens just try looking a certain age for a certain amount of time and then relocate? he smirked, his face lifting into that breathtaking crooked smile that sent my heart into overdrive once more. Its cool how she would still be like this despite all of the years.

I ran to him and hugged him, even though I was hurt and angry Can you think of more descriptive words instead of hurt and angry? that he had left me. All was forgiven in that one short moment but Edward took a step back and held his breath.

'Sorry, Bella, I haven't been around you for so long. Your scent is...overwhelming.'

'Oh, sorry,' I mumbled, backing away. He smiled at me from across the room and then sat himself down in Mike's chair.

'I came back for you Bella, a few months after I left but Charlie said you were away on holidays, enjoying yourself in England. I went looking for you there but I couldn't find you. I went back to talk to Charlie and he sent me off on a wild goose chase. You have no idea how hard it is to track you. Then I heard that you had married Newton and I was sure that you had moved on. I was devastated but glad that you had forgotten me and found yourself a nice, human husband. Then when you had your daughter, I knew about it. I missed you so much but I thought it was better for you to be safe,' he told me.

this is really good. fan fiction sometimes doesnt make sense but this does.

I'm sorry but I don't like it. I don't know, it's just....not right. But that's just me.

Wow! I didn't expect her to end up with Mike! I feel bad for Lily though..

ok so this is a really good story. It really brings the readers a possibility of what could have happened when Edward left Bella. Very creative. the charm bracelet is one of my favorite gifts from the whole series. i lke how you incorporated that into your story. I didn't see any mistakes right off. so overall: you did a Very good job. Advice:don't lose your creativityand imagination! Have fun writing because how you feel about your story is important. If you post something that you hated writing then more than likely your readers will not like it.

I like both parts of this story alot! I'm not a huge Twilight fan ( weak female leads annoy me). You SERIOUSLY need to write more! The world of Twilight needs you!

Oh my goodness, this was even better than I though it would be. I don't get why they chose to move so far away, maybe you can clear that up later. But I can see why Edward would say that Jake sends his love, it makes sense. He knows that Bella will never love Mike, so he's just reminding her that there are two people that she can love and has loved romantically, still waiting for her. After Edward, I think Bella's too afraid to be alone, so it makes sense that she ended up with Mike, but I peg her as just selfish enough to leave her family for Edward, that's classic Bella. In your version she's fighting it, fighting the urge to fall back into her old, crippling habits. This is awesome, you have elements of Meyer and originality all in one. Keep writing!!

Actually now that I think about it how did she end up with Mike?! One of the most annoying characters ... that's strange, hmm I personally would prefer if Bella chose Edward also what if her child is not Mike's but in reality is Edward's and Bella kept it a secret from him ... wouldn't that be great. Anyway is up to you ... good luck

Hi I really like the way you are rewriting the story and its becoming more interesting and realistic as it goes on. I think that since you mentioned Jacob you should have explained more what happened between Bellla and him, I always thought that if she had a second option she would've chosen Jacob. Also there is many endings that you could give to the story e.g. Bella might decide to stay with Mike realizing that his love for her is immense and that he always knew he couldn't compete with Edward but then again knowing that he would have never left her. Bella might decide to run away with Edward and decide to become a vampire, even if she's on her 30's she knows she'll always be that 17 year old girl that Edward fell in love with, Edward might die somehow and she might decide to kill herself etc. Anyway this were just few ideas but I am sure you will definitely know how to continue the story and making it more intricate ... Good luck

I'm not apart of the twilight fan craze but I gotta admit i love your totally unperdictable version!!! Keep going!!!

Maya wrote:Chapter 1

'Happy Birthday Bella!' my husband said, coming into the room balancing a breakfast tray in one hand and our daughter in the other. He handed me the tray and then slipped into bed beside me, still cradling our little girl.
'Thirty, eh?' he laughed. I smiled but inside I was wondering what my life might have been like if Edward Cullen hadn't left just after my eighteenth birthday.

Would I have married him?
Probably
Would I have become a vampire?
Maybe.
Did I still love him?
Definitely.

Now, here I was, thirty and married to a man I could never love. Mike Newton, the golden retriever boy from high school. He and Jessica drifted apart and then he latched on to me like a bloodsucking leech. Sure, I loved him but not as much as I could have. It was as if my heart had been working on overdrive, producing way too much love whenever I was with Edward and when he left, my heart just sort of...died.
I felt bad for Mike, we had created a life for ourselves, we had a daughter for goodness sake but I still woke up every morning hoping to see the perfect, pale white face of my dreams and each morning I was disappointed when plain old Mike was still sleeping beside me.

'I think I'll pop to the shop, we've run out of eggs,' Mike said, scooping Lily up into his arms.
'Oh, ok,' I replied, aware that I probably sounded distant and sad. I always felt a little down on my birthday though, Mike knew that because he had spent several birthdays with me over the years. He always got me the most wonderful presents, things like heart shaped lockets and beautiful charm bracelets. It made me wonder what Edward would have given me if he was here today.

When Mike returned, eighteen month old Lily was screaming so I jumped out of bed and threw a sweater on over my pajamas. Before I could go downstairs though, Mike rushed up them to meet me and then led me back into the bedroom.
'There's someone downstairs for you,' he whispered while bouncing Lily up and down in his arms.
'Who?' I asked, curious.
When we had moved to Hawaii, we hadn't bothered to make friends with many of our neighbors and Charlie and Sue's flight had been delayed. Renee was due to arrive next week because Phil had a big coaching conference to attend.
'I'll wait up here with Lily, maybe she'll go back to sleep.'

I moved slowly down the steps toward the hallway, worried and excited at the same time. The person's back was to me but there was something about the colour of his hair that made my heart flutter.
'You're still the same then,' he said, his voice smooth like velvet.
'E-E-Edward? Is it really you?' I asked.
He turned around to face me and I saw that he had stuck on a fake mustache and was wearing small, trendy glasses.
'What's with the facial hair?' I laughed, my old self bubbling back to the surface.
'Have to look older, Bella. I am thirty, after all,' he smirked, his face lifting into that breathtaking crooked smile that sent my heart into overdrive once more.
I ran to him and hugged him, even though I was hurt and angry that he had left me. All was forgiven in that one short moment but Edward took a step back and held his breath.
'Sorry, Bella, I haven't been around you for so long. Your scent is...overwhelming.'
'Oh, sorry,' I mumbled, backing away. He smiled at me from across the room and then sat himself down in Mike's chair.
'I came back for you Bella, a few months after I left but Charlie said you were away on holidays, enjoying yourself in England. I went looking for you there but I couldn't find you. I went back to talk to Charlie and he sent me off on a wild goose chase. You have no idea how hard it is to track you. Then I heard that you had married Newton and I was sure that you had moved on. I was devastated but glad that you had forgotten me and found yourself a nice, human husband. Then when you had your daughter, I knew about it. I missed you so much but I thought it was better for you to be safe,' he told me.
Edward's face was as perfect as always, frozen at seventeen.
'I'm married Edward, but it was nice to see you,' I said coldly, turning away. I couldn't do this. Not now, not ever. I was married. Edward had had his chance and he had blown it. I was determined to be loyal to Mike no matter how much it hurt me.
By the time I had taken a step in the opposite direction, Edward was already there, in front of me. His topaz eyes were troubled and his brow furrowed in confusion.
'But Bella, wait. I haven't come here to annoy you or make you choose. I'm happy with the way things turned out,' there was a long pause and then he sighed, 'Ok, so I'm not really happy at all. I thought you'd be waiting when I got back, Bella. And then I chased you all over the place but you seemed so happy and I decided it would be better if I left you alone. You're thirty now, Bella and I know it's too late for you and me but please, accept this,' he said. In his palm was a dainty charm bracelet with just two charms hanging from the links. One was a wooden wolf carved with such intricate detail it took my breath away. The other was a crystal heart that glittered in the sunlight pouring through the window. Edward moved towards me with his hand outstretched and as he passed through the beam of sun, light erupted from his skin and danced on the walls. I had to look away before he could see me crying.
He clipped the bracelet around my wrist and then started backing away towards the door.
'Jacob sends his love,' he murmured before disappearing just like he had done on my birthday all those years ago. I felt my heart tearing and that's when I knew I couldn't live out my life with Mike Newton. I scrawled a note on the pad of paper by the phone and then walked out into the crisp, morning air. I would miss Mike, I would miss my baby but I could live without my possessions and my clothes. Edward would take care of me, of that I was certain.

Will write more if desired...

I really like this! This is such a weird twist! I really want to know what happened to Jacob!!! And Edward is like a totally different person now! He seems like a player I think it's very interesting, Bella and Mike Just one thing:

What if she smelled as good to him as I once had?

Ohmygosh. Not going to be harsh here as it is a very creative well written story.
BUT...
Ohmygosh! As a Twi-hard, this scenario is going to give me nightmares for weeks.
Great writing though. Sorry if I sounded harsh.

That was really good. Please write more!

Not big on twilight (but i can't wait for the New Moon movie to come out [Jacob Fan]), but when I saw 'Bella's 30th Birthday', it seemed like something interesting to read. Very interesting twist, though it's kinda hard to imagine Mike and Bella together XD. One thing I recommend is to start using "quotations" instead of 'apostrophes' when someone is talking.

Overall, good job. Keep up the good work

I think this was a solid story; but being a hater of twilight I also think your talents could be used on characters and worlds not copyrighted.
That said; it was an nicely paced story that made Bella sound at least sane, slightly. I think she would have relfected a little more on her age and her current lifestyle before leaving her family and her life to pursue Edward.
But I've never been that passionate about someone before; so I couldn't truly judge.
Anyways, good job and keep writing.
~Meagan

Okay at first I was thinking that she was waking up with Jacob
and they were married. But then [oh god] Mike Newton, of all people, was her husband.
I laughed so hard, I think I might of cried a little.
I really like this twist, it's quite interesting and entertaining.
I keep hoping something magical is going to happen and time will reverse and everything will be better again. But that's just me.
The "Jacob sends his love," thing was confusing a little.
Other than that this was pretty good!

~Pink

I think that this is something Stephanie Meyer's brain would collapse upon, because I think she has a big thing on marital relationships. On the other hand, they are her perfect creations. So it wouldn't be something like 'Er, well, its alright for them because its twu wuv!', or she'd collapse onto the floor, frothing at the mouth and wetting herself.

I loved it, please keep writing. I hope Stephenie Meyer gets to read it! It's a really interesting perspective on the story. I am glad to see that for once, Bella is ANGRY at Edward; she's thinking for herself for once! Thanks for posting this, it's very well written, and i really enjoyed it.

It had a really cool twist to it, I liked it. But I don't picture Bella as a girl who would leave her baby for another guy even if she did love him.

THIRTY!? Shes so old! Hahaha, fake mustache.

---

I really liked this. I wasn't going to read it, at first, because of all the Twilight re-writes going around,but yours was really good. I love the way Edward comes back for her. If you decide to write more please message me. I command you to write more (hehehe) Well, thats all, bye-bye!


(ELEPHANTS!!! >:D)

Wow. I really loved this story! I clicked on it half-heartedly, thinking it would be another copy, and at first I didn't understand it: I thought it was Edward and Nessie, and wondered why he was taking his vampire wife breakfast.

Then I got it. Wow. Great idea - and so original!

More please!

Keep writing (or else!)

Pgsgirl x

hey, your version of the story was cool!

I like this better than the books. In the books, its 'And they end up happily ever after, with her married to Mr. Sparkly and with her own little-not-for-long girl.' In this, I think it works out, as, rather than her having a superficially happy ending, she gets a husband who loves her devotedly, and a normal baby girl. I was never really happy with the 'Let's all hate Mike!' motif in the books.
Here, I think you write Edward quite well, as a guy who... blew it. Basically, he could have married this lovely human, and now she's married with a kid, and he's left with fake mustaches.
I wonder whether she will stay with Mike, though. Or if she'll run off with Edward; but what would happen then? *dramatic music*

This was GREAT! I loved finding out what would have happened if Bella never married Edward, I can't believe she ended up with Mike, it must have been a pity thing or something. I can't help but feel sorry for Edward, but he did miss his chance, and I'm proud of the fact that Bella is trying to make her marriage with Mike work, even though it must be hard. Other then that I really liked it, it was awesome, I hope you are going to write more!

Okay, I really love the story of Edward and Bella. But something in your story catches me every time. I'm liking the story idea, keep going! It's a very nice twist to it all, but I still find the Jacob part sort of confusing.

Your writing is amazing! The love twists. Shes getting married to a man she can never love, very original and creative. You kept my interest the whole time.

Ok so yeah now I see where you're going with this. I just wonder how Bella will react to Jacob, and what Mike may be thinking right now.

keep up the good work!

Outside, the fresh air cleared my head and I suddenly realised what a stupid mistake I was making. I squeezed my eyes shut and rubbed my temples before letting out a long sigh and heading back inside. Was I really brave enough to leave my daughter? No. Edward was probably miles away anyway. I wondered what he had meant when he'd said "Jacob sends his love". Were they still in contact with each other? Had there been a battle before Edward arrived? Had he and Jacob fought for the right to visit me in Hawaii? I shuddered at the thought and then scolded myself for thinking such thoughts. Why would they bother? We were all young then, and stupid. Jacob would have found a wife by now and Edward...well, he was always so self-sacrificing.
'Bella? Bella, are you ok?' Mike ran down the stairs and wrapped me in his warm embrace, the familiar scent of his aftershave surrounding him like a cloud. I realised there were tears streaming down my face and wiped them away hastily, conjuring up a false smile.
'Yes, it was just so....nice to see Edward after so long. Did you know he was coming?' I asked, making my way towards the counter where I had left the note. I grabbed it quickly and scrunched it up in my hand, trying not to attract too much attention. Mike gasped and shook his head, 'Of course not, love. He was my biggest competition in high school. Perfect Cullen. And you were both so madly in love, I would never have invited him here. I am not confident enough for that,' he admitted sadly.
'You thought I would leave you?' I tried to make myself sound astonished and heartbroken but it came out as an uneasy assumption. Mike's brows furrowed and then he sighed.
'You were thinking about it weren't you?' he said weakly. Any other man might have been angry but Mike just looked crestfallen.
'No, Mike, I love you. Edward had his chance. I only have eyes for you,' I insisted halfheartedly. He simply shrugged and headed back upstairs to check on Lily. I sank into a chair and put my head in my hands. Why did I always have to mess things up? Why was Edward always the source of all my problems?

Lily struggled in my arms, reaching out to grab all the soft cuddlies in the toy department. I let her choose one and she immediately wrapped her arms around the biggest toy camel I had ever seen. It was fairly expensive but Mike's job as a lawyer paid well so I could afford to splash out every now and then.
'That's a large bear for a small child, don't you think?' The voice sent shivers down my spine and if Lily hadn't been clutching the camel, I would have dropped it. I tried to turn around and ignore him but Edward's vampire speed meant he was there, wherever I went.
'It's a camel not a bear and anyway, what are you still doing here?' I demanded, turning to face him head on. Edward shrugged and used his pale fingers to tuck a strand of my mahogany hair behind my ear. Lily giggled as he leant in to brush his lips across her cheek and my grasp on her automatically tightened. What is she spelled as good to him as I once had? I wasn't taking any chances so I grabbed the camel and marched towards the checkout.
As the girl put the camel through the till and told me the price, Edward showed up and handed her a credit card before I could even get my purse out of my bag. The teenager grinned at him and then continued to stare in a dream-like stupor. Even with the realistically fake mustache, Edward didn't look a day over nineteen. I could see why this girl was so fixated with him.
'That's so nice of you...to buy a toy for your little sister. And it's such an expensive one too,' she smiled, 'You must be so proud that your son has a good job,' she added, nodding at me. I frowned and then realised she thought I was Edward's mother. I snatched the camel away from her as soon as I could and then left the store without even saying goodbye to Edward. When I looked back over my shoulder he was handing the checkout chick a card with his number on it and I voiced my disapproval to Lily, the only one who would listen.

More soon, when I have time

This is pretty good. I liked how you made it so that she ended up with Mike, that was really unique. But I think the whole Jacob thing is a little weird. I mean, what happened there? Explain it a little more. And it seems odd that Edward would say "Jacob sends his love" when we was trying to get Bella back. You know?

Good overall, but think of the little details like that, and it'll be great. Really interesting perspective, though.

thanks for reviewing it.

you did a great job, considering you've never read twilight...haha

Anyway, I was sort of thinking that in the next chapter, Bella decided she can't leave her family so she heads back inside and thinks Edward is too far away anyway.

Instead he decides to stick around because her smell is too nice to leave behind. She starts seeing him everywhere and then her dad comes to visit for her birthday and brings Jacob along so he and bella can "catch up"

does that sound like a good storyline???

but i felt it would be nice if you had at least one review right? lol

Ok so i may not have read twilight but i understand the story for the most part. Bella is in love with Edward, he leaves, she gets rebounded by Jacob, Edward comes back, Bella goes back to Edward and then Jacob falls in love with Bella and Edward's daughter right? haha basic storyline right?

Ok so, I'm assuming you're right from when Edward never came back and the relationship with Jacob just kinda died. Now you're making Bella a desperate lover who will leave her faithful husband and baby for a person who left her YEARS ago. That's bound to start some drama, I can see a climax sort of rising here. Jacob apparently is also still in love with Bella? So maybe it might be the same story all over again. Jacob and Edward duke it out for Bella.

It really makes Bella look like a horrible person, leaving her husband and baby daughter... i don't know if Bella would really actually do anything like that but just a suggestion. What if you could have Edward stick around because the scent is driving him crazy and he just can't get away. That could just be like a splinter in Bella's heart as now she has to battle between doing what she wants and what's right. You could somehow send Jacob in there, maybe he hadn't heard from Edward in a long time and thinks something's up, so he comes too. So now Bella in her thirties is facing her past while trying to live with the present.

Just a suggestion.

since i haven't read twilight, this was a hard story for me to review and i didn't really find any flaws so I might as well throw out suggestions. If you like it, I suggest you keep writing!