The First Realm | Chapter I

by MayCupcake

Published May 26, 2021

In The First Realm (Novel)

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//Edited 6/4/21//

There were only two more weeks until the science fair, and Cassy was reading a book on her porch swing. On this peaceful spring afternoon, the sky was a robin's egg blue speckled with clouds. You could feel the cool breeze and the warmth of the sun's rays across your skin. It was perfect. Well, not quite.

Cassy was stuck, swinging back and forth, reading. Now, don't get her wrong, she loved to read; however, just not when she's assigned a book by her English teacher, Ms. Winfrey. The book would be the last thing she would ever want to read, but had to because chapter four was due by Monday. A vocab quiz and a sequence of short answer questions awaited her.

She was thinking about all the activities she could be doing on this beautiful day. She could be going for a run around her neighborhood or video-chatting with one of her friends, yet here she was reading this book. Cassy's eyes drifted to the bottom of page forty-two and...

"Dang it!!" Her head fell back and she covered her face with the book in frustration. "How many times am I gonna have to read this page!" she groaned. Getting to the end of a page and realizing her mind had been elsewhere happened frequently to Cassy with Ms. Winfrey's books.

"Hey, Cass. English trouble?" A boy who looked to be about fifteen was leaned against the fence. He had brown hair that was tousled frequently throughout the day and a constellation of freckles across his face. His eyes were emeralds framed by his thick glasses. Cassy always wondered at their glow.

"You know it," Cassy's eyes didn't leave the book, "and... you're late, Wyatt."

He laughed somewhat amusingly. "Aw, it's good to see you too, Cass. Now, do you want to take a break from that book and work on our project?"

Cassy and Wyatt had been science fair partners since the sixth grade. This year, they still hadn't started their project with only two weeks left. She started to worry if they'd even start the project let alone finish. Wyatt hadn't even told her what their project was, but there was a good chance that it would be far from a model volcano or solar system.

~

Last year, Wyatt built a shrink ray. Yes, a shrink ray. The machine sounds like it came straight out of a cliché sci-fi movie and that's most likely where Wyatt got the idea from.

In Willowdale Middle's gym, people gathered for the science fair. The sleek floor was polished and tables were set up in preparation for the event. A panel of teachers were put together to judge the students' work and pick a winner. Eyes were on Cassy and Wyatt to demonstrate their project to the judges. Unfortunately, one of the wires had come loose, causing the invention to shake and sputter violently.

"TAKE COVER!!" someone yelled. The entire gym fell into chaos. Parents, teachers, and students were all running every which way and that. Amidst everything, Cassy and Wyatt scrambled to try and fix the ray. She was pacing back and forth as her hand pulled at her thick blonde hair. It was difficult to hear her own voice amongst the noise.

"Wyatt! What are we gonna do? Do you think it might explode?!" Cassy stressed. Wyatt stood up from the shrink ray and began to walk towards her. Then, he grabbed Cassy's wrists and pulled her face towards his, halting her panic.

"Cass."

Cassy swallowed. "Yes?"

"You need to calm down, everything's gonna be alright." Wyatt's face remained relaxed and firm. He waited a second. "Better now?" Cassy nodded at him. He backed off and then turned to the rumbling machine. "Now, are you going to help me or what?" Wyatt grinned. He got into the circuitry and Cassy passed him tools as he said their names. The loose wire was found and secured into place. The shrink ray slowed its vibrations into a complete stop.

"We did it!!" They looked at each other and shared a smile; however, that smile was short-lived on Wyatt. His face had fallen and he began to stare off into the distance. Cassy noticed this and thought to herself. Wyatt... She wanted to say something, anything, but for some reason, couldn't. There they were in the middle of the chaos together, but... something was off.

No one seemed to notice that the shrink ray had been fixed and the crisis averted. People were panicking too much to see or hear anything going on in the room. A student running around the gym tripped over a cardboard box. Out spilled the dozen frogs that Wyatt and Cassy were supposed to be testing their project on. The frogs scattered throughout the gym, jumping onto people.

"AAAAAAHHHHH!! Ew, ew, ew! Get it off of me!!" A woman screamed. One frog had decided to jump right on top of her head. Another leaped across the room onto the ray's lever. The force of the frog's jump clicked the lever into it's downward position. The machined revved and stirred. Then, a beam of blue light shot across the room. Everyone stopped and stood completely still. There was no more running or yelling. One by one people turned their heads toward the steaming area of the far wall.

"Where's Penny?!" One of the judges exclaimed looking for his counterpart. In the blast zone, a woman stood up. She had curled auburn hair pulled back into a ponytail. Her hands were folded into the pockets of her white lab coat. The judge ran up to the woman and fell to his knees. "Penny?? Oh my God, i-is that you??" He stammered.

Penny looked around in horror. It was as if a horde of giants had surrounded her. Then, Penny turned to the man looking down at her.

"M-Marshall?!" Penny cried wide-eyed. She fainted and was caught by the palm of Marshall's hand. Marshall cupped Penny against his fingers, nestling her hair with his right thumb. Cassy and Wyatt both glanced at each other with pale faces. Before Cassy could think of anything to say or do, Wyatt was already pulling her by the wrist into the center of the crowd. Cassy's chest thumped more and more as they got closer to Marshall.

Wyatt sat down on the wood gym floor inside the circle of people. Cassy followed. Tenderly, he moved Penny into his hand as Marshall allowed the transfer. He removed a small spray bottle from his pocket. Cassy stared curiously at the liquid in the bottle moving towards Penny. Wyatt spritzed the tiny judge twice. Seconds after the solution was administered, he swiftly placed Penny onto the floor.

"Everyone stand back!!" Wyatt brought both his arms straight out, nudging the crowd backwards. Everyone, still watching attentively, stepped back willingly. Just as quickly as she had shrunk, Penny grew to her normal size and was awakened with a relieving hug from Marshall.

The crowd rejoiced that everything was okay again. Cassy smiled warmly and looked to her left to share the moment with Wyatt, but he was no longer there. She whirled around to find him walking through the gym door with the shrink ray in his arms. The first prize was then given to some kid with a baking soda and vinegar volcano.

~

"Thank God." Cassy said relieved. She slammed the book shut and went inside her house with Wyatt following close behind. Wyatt was carrying a cardboard box with a small cube stacked on top. "Just set those down on the table and we can get-"

Cassy stopped talking as she looked around the kitchen. Cardboard boxes littered the floor and surfaces throughout the room. Some said Kitchen while others were labeled Cassilia's Room in her grandmother's handwriting. Her hands shot up to cover her mouth for she could no longer speak. Cassy turned her head to look at Wyatt. She expected him to say something reassuring, but he didn't. Instead his smile only faded and he heftily placed the box onto the nearby counter. Then, Wyatt walked over and gently put his hand over Cassy's shoulder.

"I-I'm... moving." The words could barely make it through her suddenly dry throat. The two glanced at each other in devastation.

Comments & reviews · 3
MailicedeNamedy wrote a review Review · Jun 3, 2021

Hi MayCupcake,



Mailice here with a short review! :D

Let's jump right into your story:

On this peaceful spring afternoon, the sky was a robin's egg blue with speckles of clouds across it.


That's a great description and I don't think I've ever read robin's egg blue anywhere.

Now, don't get her wrong, she loved to read just not when she's assigned a book by her English teacher, Ms. Winfrey.


I know this feeling...

Cassy started to worry if they'd even start the project let alone finish.


You already used "started" in the previous sentence, so at least in this sentence I would replace the first "started" with "began". Otherwise it doesn't read so well.

"I-I'm... moving." The words could barely make it through her suddenly dry throat.


I definitely didn't expect that here. In any case, a very interesting ending.

As I said, it was very unexpected how the story ended and I wasn't prepared for that. You've written a good first chapter, getting to know the two characters a bit and you also manage to connect them with a very interesting situation right away. I like the flashback and how you used it in this situation. Especially because it feels like Cassy remembered right there when Wyatt shows up. It was just a little irritating with the first paragraph:

Cassy and Wyatt had been science fair partners since the sixth grade. This year, they still hadn't started their project with only two weeks left. Cassy started to worry if they'd even start the project let alone finish. Wyatt hadn't even told her what their project was, but there was a good chance that it would be far from a model volcano or solar system.


I would definitely have done this one before the dash / separation, otherwise it seems a bit confusing. As this is also a good introduction to the flashback, it also makes more sense if it starts with your next paragraph "Last year...". This gives the reader a better grip while reading.

The outcome of the flashback was good, that you could still briefly read who had now won, which also serves as a great summary, for the competition.

I thought your narration was well written. It is fluid and orderly and even in scenes that seem more hectic (in this case, during the shrink ray and the escalation of the visitors) you managed to show a dynamic picture without getting lost in it as a reader.

The ending was really exciting. I went back to the first section and read it again and now realised that Cassy is not only worried about the book she has to read for Monday, but is probably already at her move. You've done a good job with that.

As this ensures that the reader doesn't really know where the plot is going, you've made a good point of ending the story with the chapter. It gives the reader that feeling of something familiar and yet new.

Grammatically there was nothing wrong and apart from a few times where you repeated yourself a little more often in a short paragraph, with one word, there was also nothing that disturbed the reading flow. One thing I'm not sure about is who the main character of the story will be - Cassy or Wyatt? Because you described Wyatt as he looks, but not Cassy. I think you can add that somewhere, for example that she sees her hair reflected in Wyatt's glasses.

In summary, it was a well constructed and staged first chapter for your story! :D

Have fun writing!



Mailice.

Thank you, Mailice!
1. I wrote the first two chapters about a year ago and so I haven't really edited them much, but I'm in the process of doing so! I'll be getting rid of the repeating words as you talked about.
2. Ok! I'll look at the placement of that explanation paragraph.
3. I ended up describing Cassy more in chapter two and I think I did that because I was mainly focusing on what Cassy sees instead of what I, the narrator, sees. So, I'll look through and see if I need to add more descriptions.
4. Thanks for the input!

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Zycoptl00 Comment
Zycoptl00 commented Comment · Jun 1, 2021

Great chapter here. I do like the idea of a shrink ray, reminds me of the Szalinziki shrink ray.

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TheMythMaster
Review
TheMythMaster wrote a review Review · May 26, 2021

Myth here to review!

To start off I'd just like to say I really like the title.

On this peaceful spring afternoon, the sky was a robin's egg blue with speckles of clouds across it.

this is a really nice description.

Getting to the end of a page and realizing her mind had been elsewhere happened frequently to Cassy with Ms. Winfrey's books.

I don't know about other people but I relate to this a lot.

Also, the shrink ray memory part was very well described, with all the chaos even after they had fixed the ray.

She whirled around to find him walking through the gym door with his shrink ray in his arms. The first prize was then given to some kid with a baking soda and vinegar volcano.

maybe this was just part of the story but I felt like it really showed something about Wyatts personality, that perhaps he's done this kind of thing before and knew he wasn't going to win.
Or maybe not, but that's what it seemed like to me

also, the last sentence was a very good cliffhanger, ill probably be reading the next part when you post it.

Overall I found this a good start to what sounds to be a good story, the characters are relatable and feel real, and as far as grammar goes I didn't find any problems but I am not the best with grammar so I may not have noticed.

great job -Myth

Thanks for the review! And I'm glad you liked it! The concept for this was originally a short story that I wrote in elementary school, so I recently decided to reboot it into a longer form.



I AM ONE WITH MUSHROOMS
— inksthewriter