Young Writers Society

personally, i liked the scatterbrainedness . is that a word? i don't know. but i liked it.

Thanks for the 'tiques you guys And yes, making something clear is a bit difficult. I guess I'm writing more in my head, rather than outside of it. But the mistakes I made and crit's I've received, makes it more interesting, and more exquisite here aswell

Hope you guys come and hang around here soon, or every once in a while. Cause I got alot on mind, and I'm ready to burst out on this pee-see here.

Later guys. Lotta love

Mau~

This concluded most interestingly.

I'll say right now: I rather liked it. [the ending]


With that being stated, I'll continue my slasher-fest.

Your repitition was hodge-podge at best, and painful at worst. Though you attempted to convey some emotions (and a deeper message?) thoughout, that was lost amid awkward wordings. I didn't feel anything when reading this. Y'know what I mean?

And, unchangingly, my suggestion is thus:
Go out and read poetry. You'll find it immensely helpful. And don't just read, question. Why did they say it like this? Why'd she punctuate like that? Ask yourself good questions, and chances are you'll find comparably good answers. Good luck

~Ed

Hey Twist,

I've got to agree with Chevy, the first stanza was indeed a bit mystic, which could've been better. But on the other hand, it being mystic and all, gives the reader an urge to continue reading.

The second stanza, sounds a bit repetitive, as if you were saying everything over and over again. You used a sentence twice, but it looks like you put one sentence into 6. Lets say it's a bit "langdradig" you could've been more straight to the point.

The last two stanzas were highly enjoyable You used some nice descriptions in the third and ended it amazingly in the fourth.

One thing though Twist, don't forget to capitalize your "I's" And try to work a tee-bit on your punctuation

Nice job ^^

Cheerios, Reg

Hey It was kind of odd in the beggining I agree with Chevy, but it got better! Good job!

it was kind of scatter brained in the beginning but it improved in the third stanza. i kind of like that feel, but my only problem would be that it's kind of uneven..a little too abstract. i would suggest condensing the first stanza or maybe adding more after the fourth.